“You’ve already forgotten me.”
"I came all the way here to find a new relationship." Those two words pierced my heart like a dagger. I couldn't bring myself to deny it. What good was I making excuses, like it was a blind date set up by a friend and I was just showing up instead? It would only make things worse for me. And I wondered if he would believe me.
So what should I say now?
“…You too, the same goes for you.”
“…”
His eyes wavered. It had been a long time since we had met, and our eyes finally met. Their dark eyes were filled with resentment toward each other. His eyes, filled with resentment, perhaps even longing, were very similar to mine. As my nose began to sting, I was the first to avert my gaze. His gaze felt stinging.
Anyway, you're not wrong. After all, you went on a blind date like me.
“…”
In the midst of the consistent silence, he suddenly picked up the cell phone on the table and dialed someone. After a short tone, he spoke.
“Sorry. I can’t do it today.”
The receiver's voice, seemingly flustered, could be faintly heard on the other end of the line. At this point, I didn't understand what he meant. I wondered what he was talking about. Then, he hung up and spoke to me.
“I’ll wake up first. Sorry.”
With those words, he walked out of the cafe without even looking back. What was I doing until he opened the door and left? I must have been completely lost in thought. It must have been nearly a minute since you left. I finally pulled myself together. No. I couldn't just let you go like this. Our precious reunion shouldn't have ended like this.
With that single-minded determination, I packed my bag and hurriedly headed for the door. It was still pouring rain outside. Yet, there were two umbrellas in the umbrella case. Had he just left without even a moment to grab them? Without another second of thought, I grabbed my umbrella and dashed outside.
The weight of the rain, even heavier than before, felt unbearably heavy. I couldn't find any trace of you, no matter where you went. Thinking you couldn't have gone far, I ran toward the main road. Soon, I saw a familiar silhouette. You, drenched in sweat, entering a small alley.
Unaware that my heels were stained with mud and losing their color, I stared straight ahead. Towards where he was headed. And finally, when I entered the narrow alley he'd entered, the sound of the rain finally subsided. There was a canopy over my head, barely providing protection from the rain. Still, a few drops trickled in. And beneath it, you...
He had his wet hair pushed back and was holding a cigarette between his lips.As I was about to light it, he stared at me, as if he saw me, then threw the cigarette on the floor and crushed it. Honestly, I was surprised.You were the type of person who wouldn't even come near a cigarette.The changes that have occurred to you in less than a year are enough to leave me bewildered.
“…What are we going to do if this continues?”
“…”
Let's put that aside and say what I have to say.
“How can you just say what you want and leave?”
"…sorry."
“……What are you, you always say sorry.”
“…”
I continued, suppressing the subtle emotions welling up in my throat. Just then, a thunderous clap ripped through the sky. It was so loud that passersby stopped and looked up. It was the perfect background music for our situation. I didn't really want it, though.
There was something I wanted to say. It was petty, but there was something I absolutely had to say to you, who was hurting. Suddenly, I remembered your phone conversation earlier. You said you were sorry. You said today wouldn't work out.
“…It wasn’t my blind date either.”
“…”
It's an unexpected face.
“I came out at the request of a friend.”
“…”
“Looks like you are like that too.”
His face looked as if he couldn't believe it. It didn't matter whether I believed it or not. Anyway, as long as my heart was relieved, that was the end of it. … That's how it would be.
Still holding the umbrella open, I tilted it toward him, my fingertips still firm. I just hoped he wouldn't get wet any further, already soaking wet. I added nonchalantly. The longer you wait, the harder it is to quit smoking. You know?
“Even if I hated it so much, I should have brought an umbrella…”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to see it.”
I still feel like I'm going crazy when I think about my older sister.It's been a long time, but it's still like that. It was just too hard for me to sit face to face. It's not that I hate it, it's that I still hate myself for being lingering.
His eyes, as if he'd been waiting for me to speak, had long since turned red. It was even more embarrassing. I hadn't expected him to cry. And every word he said was etched in my mind. The person who still longed for me was crying in front of me. My heart ached.
…
The day I broke up with him.
And until the next day.
Beyond that week, into that month.
According to people around me, I lived like a wreck, almost to the point where I thought I was dying. Without eating, I lost weight, my appearance was a complete mess, and my health deteriorated to the point where I was hospitalized for nearly a month. I lived like that, barely surviving. It was that love that first taught me how damaging a breakup can be.
There was no major reason for the breakup that would bring an end to a three-year relationship. Everything happened suddenly. Minor arguments piled up and piled up, and we inevitably reached a point where, lulled by familiarity, we forgot what was precious. It was a law against treating someone too comfortably, too casually. The more comfortable someone was, the more thoughtful and considerate they should have been.
We loved each other awkwardly.
When we broke up, I brought it up, thinking that if we didn't see each other again, all our love and hate would fade away. But that wasn't necessarily the case. That fight was a minor nuisance, too small to tarnish our three years together. It was just a pebble that didn't fit in the sand on the vast beach, so I threw it into the ocean.
That one stone called a wave.
That rock wasn't actually heavy enough to create waves. Waves have always existed in the ocean, and it was simply a coincidence of timing. It was like a small misunderstanding that caused a massive wave. By the time I regretted it, it was already too late.
…
Now, I guess, is the time to really say it. The words I've never said before during our relationship. Now, it's time for me to say them.
"……Sorry."
“…”
“I’m sorry… for everything.”
I burst into tears. This can't be right. I can't show myself like this. My only option is escape.That was it. I turned around so you were no longer in my sight. A chill lingered on my clothes. I trembled, and you held me in your grip.
“…don’t go.”
Don't go, please.