Let's break up
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We had a dream. In that dream, we laughed. We sat around an exotic round table, eating hearty Korean ramen, playing rock-paper-scissors, and the loser buying kimchi from a Korean supermarket... We saw a very ordinary part of life. We smiled at each other and clinked our glasses. Through the open window, the honking of cars and the chatter of people on the street mingled harmoniously. And when we gazed out the window, drawn by the familiar melody of jazz, the golden Eiffel Tower sparkled in the evening.
Kim Taehyung was on his phone, making plans to go out and looking up transportation, while Jeon Jungkook, apparently enjoying his steak, was already munching on my plate. Park Jimin was fiddling with the jazz LP he'd bought at a souvenir shop at the foot of Montmartre. I watched them. If we'd never met in the first place, I wouldn't have hurt you all with my ignorant curiosity as an excuse. Spring in Paris was splendid. We… were we?
I opened my eyes. The first thing that came into view was Jeon Jungkook's face. He stroked my cheek with a rather worried expression. Seeing the tears streaming down my cheeks, he simply asked if I was okay. It was the first time I'd cried in my sleep. And really... Unfortunately, the pain seemed to be creeping up on me. Jeon Jungkook, startled even more by my irregular breathing, hugged me. "It hurts a lot." The large window visible beyond his shoulder. Beyond it, the expansive ocean view. The sunlight reflected on the waves sparkled like starlight, and the sand itself was white with sunlight.
My consciousness was fading. It wasn't like this before. The sunlight, the sea, the children on the sandy beach were all blurred into a hazy blur. I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them again. My eyes were weak. What was more surprising was...
Jeon Jungkook is crying.
His breath was hot. He was sobbing. This time, I was the one who was surprised and pushed him away. Hey… why are you crying?
“I should have gone to the hospital a little earlier.”
“…”
“If only I had known sooner…”
There was no way I could lose you.
.
As I opened the door and stepped outside, I saw Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung busy preparing breakfast. I couldn't hear clearly, but it seemed like they were having a conversation.
“You both woke up early.”
“…It’s still early, but the sun is already high in the sky?”
The long hand on the wall clock pointed to one. They weren't preparing breakfast, but lunch. They say you sleep a lot when you're about to die. I was simply amazed that I, who usually suffered from insomnia, could sleep this much. It's amazing how people change so much from day to day.
“What can I help you with?”
“Just sit there.”
At Park Jimin's firm tone, I had no choice but to sit down on the Irish table.
“Jeon Jungkook. He went into your room earlier.”
"…fizzle."
I cried. I whispered my answer as much as I could so that Jeon Jungkook wouldn't hear... Well.
"what?"
Kim Taehyung screamed in shock. He quickly covered his mouth. Park Jimin also looked surprised. At that moment, it was Jeon Jungkook who was leaving the room. He must have calmed down, but he walked out in a normal state as if he had never cried, and a part of my heart ached. And then a thought suddenly occurred to me. I hated you for a while because you never showed your emotions, but what if you? Maybe you were too delicate and didn't want to give me everything. Maybe because I hurt you more than anyone else, you didn't want to give me everything. That's why you didn't show your emotions.
I feel like I've finally found the answer.
The hand covering Taehyung's mouth relaxed. His lips slowly appeared. Ah... I think I finally understand. I was blindfolding you and silencing you. I hated you without even realizing my own mistakes, yet I still wanted to be loved. I wanted the attention you all gave me without exception. I desired too much affection from you, without stopping the cruelty I inflicted on you. This shouldn't have happened.
.
After lunch, the sun was setting slightly. A new, unseen moment of the ocean unfolded before me. I stepped outside, clutching the coffee Park Jimin had handed me. Why was the smell of salt water so moving? I chuckled. If I'd known this would happen, I should've come to places like this more often. What on earth was I doing, wasting my time?
The coffee was sweet. The sweet aroma lingered in my mouth. The cup was warm, and the air was still chilly. And… a pale pink tree loomed in the distance. Excited, I set my cup down on the outdoor table and, my slippers almost slipping off, jogged a little. I stopped in front of a small, blossoming tree.
It was cherry blossoms. I thought I'd never see them again in this life. The small, blooming buds were beautiful, and I was delighted. I'd never seen flowers this close before. This tree bloomed the earliest. Thanks to you, I became happy. I touched the petals, which felt like clouds. I felt like they would fall if I applied just a little more force. They were truly fragile flowers.
The wind blew. The trees swayed, and the petal I'd touched finally blew away. For a moment, swept by air resistance, it blew back and forth before settling on the asphalt road. I picked up the dusty petal and put it in my pocket. Do you resemble me? Or perhaps the three men?
.
The sun was sinking beyond the horizon. Countless waves swallowed it. Only the last bit of sun left dyed the sky crimson. It was exerting all its strength. That's why the sky was crimson. The sea, reflecting the sky, was also dyed crimson. We sat in a row, watching the scene unfold. Park Jimin, me, Jeon Jungkook, and Kim Taehyung sat in that order, and I rested my head on Jimin's shoulder. Jeon Jungkook and Kim Taehyung were relatively far apart.
A comfortable breath washed over me. Like waves crashing over a sandy beach, deep breaths traveled through my lungs, refreshing my body. My vision was gradually blurring. Each exhalation lengthened. I wasn't out of breath. I felt comfortable. Every breath I took against his shoulder was peaceful. Words that sounded like Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook arguing entered my ears.
“Jimin.”
"huh."
"Sorry."
Jimin's breathing seemed to stop for a moment. The shoulder I was leaning on suddenly froze without movement. Every time he breathed, his shoulder also rose and fell.
"I'm really sorry."
“I’m going to die soon. I’m going to say everything I never said before.”
“You’re a good person, you know that?”
Tears welled up in my eyes. My heart felt heavy, like a stone had been placed on it. I'm so sorry to Taehyung and Jungkook. But especially to you. You were more than I deserved. I tried to lighten the mood with a small smile, but Jimin spoke.
“I’m glad you know.”
“The wit is still there.”
“I saw the diagnosis.”
I wasn't trying to see it, but it was so obvious. "So I know you're sick," he said. After a moment's thought, I realized he meant my terminal diagnosis. It wasn't unexpected. It was certainly understandable. Meanwhile, my eyes closed. I didn't want to fall asleep yet. I needed to capture this moment more. Sadly, I knew intuitively that if I closed my eyes now,That it would never come up again.
I reached into my pocket and handed him the cherry blossom petal I'd picked up earlier. The tip had turned brown. The petal, which had been pink when it rested against the tree, had lost its grip and withered, lifeless. His hand trembled slightly as he accepted the petal. Perhaps he understood what I meant without me saying it. But I didn't want to check his expression. I didn't want him to see my tears.
"thank you."
“…”
“Tell them both I’m sorry.”
“…”
“There is a letter at my house.”
His shoulders shook. It seemed as if he was desperately trying to hold back tears. My own tears, barely holding on, fell. I took a deep breath and continued. "You should definitely read this later." As soon as he finished, my eyelids grew heavy. I worried how painful it would be in the end, but it wasn't. In fact, I felt strangely at ease. I was happy, and in that peaceful moment, I closed my eyes. Perhaps it's said that hearing is the last sense a person retains when they die. The sound of the sea grew fainter, and the sensation of the wind brushing against my skin vanished. And then... he whispered in my ear.
love you.
.
Hello, my youth.
Hello, my love.
I regret the times I thought I could be forgiven for my terribly selfish ways. Even if you're not here, I'll still be punished, right? So you need to live well. Be successful enough to make me jealous and envious, meet a good woman, and live happily ever after. And when you forget me someday, I think I'll be able to be happy and free. So forget me. I'm enough to be the one who holds onto our painful memories.
Hi. -Ian
.
Ian closed his eyes. Only when Ian remained silent could Jimin turn his head to look at him. Ian, leaning against his shoulder with his eyes closed, looked peaceful. Jimin forced himself to swallow his tears. He bent his head toward Ian and whispered softly, “I love you.” At the same time, the tears he had been holding back fell onto Ian’s cheeks.
Only then did Taehyung and Jungkook, who had been standing a short distance away, turn to face Jimin. Jimin raised his head and stared at them both. Taehyung and Jungkook looked at Jimin once, and then at Ian, who was leaning against his shoulder and closing his eyes. It was the last moment for the four of them. Ian was wearing the dress he'd bought in Paris yesterday.