Disappear

Disappear 01

I thought I was dreaming. Just a bad dream. I just had to wake up crying and hug my dad. That's all I thought.

But I think it was a dream,

The hospital smell that was numbing my nose was terribly real, like a reminder that this wasn't a dream.

When I opened my eyes, what I saw was a familiar old woman and man.

김여주

ah...

아줌마

Heroine...!! Are you okay?!! Honey, Heroine is awake!!

아저씨

I'm watching too. It's okay now, heroine. Everything's okay.

I feel sorry for the lady who was so worried about me that she cried and the uncle who patted my head and told me it was okay, but my dad was important to me.

김여주

What about Dad? Where is Dad? Where did he go leaving Yeoju behind?

Watching the two people suddenly become quiet, I was young at the time, but I could vaguely feel something.

That my father is no longer here.

아줌마

Ah... Dad was sick for a bit, so he went to get treatment. He was in so much pain that he went far away... very far away for treatment. He'll be back after Yeoju sleeps for 100 nights.

김여주

lie.

Dad's not coming anymore. I know that. That lie hurt my young heart even more. Even though it was clearly a white lie told for my own good.

김여주

Dad isn't coming. Why are you lying? Dad... Dad...

Finally, tears fell. Once they fell, they flowed endlessly. The woman and man seemed flustered by my words and tears, but I didn't have time to pay them any attention.

The mother and father tried to comfort the child who cried nonstop, but once the crying started, there was no sign of it stopping.

In the end, I didn't know who that man and woman were, why my father and I had to go through that, and what would happen to me now.

I cried alone, exhausted, and went to sleep. I prayed that I would see my father, even in my dreams.

I fell asleep like that and only woke up at dawn the next day. I had a dream, but I couldn't remember it. Perhaps because I cried myself to sleep, my eyes stung and my ears groaned as if I'd fallen into a deep ocean. The worst part was that I couldn't speak.

I don't know when I was moved, but the dark, dark hospital room was filled with the sound of someone's breathing, and the sky beyond the window was empty of even a single star.

There was just a single moon floating there, alone. I thought the moon was just like me. And then I thought.

I want to reach that moon someday and hug it tightly.

After I was discharged from the hospital, I rode in the car of the woman and man and went to their house. The woman told me a lot of stories.

The lady and man said they were old friends of my father's. They said they were really surprised when, when I was five, they suddenly brought me here, claiming I was their child.

He said that day was probably the first time he met the two of them. He said he was so thankful that they had grown up well, but

I just didn't know what was lucky.

Maybe Dad knew about this in advance. He said he'd been contacted by the woman and man a few days before the accident.

I didn't have time to express my disappointment to my dad, who I hadn't seen in a long time, and he asked me to take good care of him. I told him that he promised to do so because his voice sounded urgent.

And then, shortly after, an accident occurred, and I, who had no relatives, was taken in by two people. They added that even though the adoption process wasn't complete, they decided to take care of me as their temporary guardians.

I'm truly grateful to those two people and I think they are probably the benefactors of my life, but no words can comfort me right now.

This voice that I couldn't hear now, my father's face that was already blurring, became a weapon that only burst my wounds.

The reason my voice wouldn't come out was simple. Or rather, it was so simple that it was absurd.

One day, I cried myself to sleep. I wasn't feeling well, and I cried so hard I was completely exhausted. I couldn't help but feel like I was dying. They say I was so sick I nearly died.

What I thought was dawn the next day turned out to be six days later. When morning came, the aunt and uncle were overjoyed to see me sitting up, fully awake.

As if I were their real daughter. Soon after, the doctor came in and asked me a bunch of questions, but I couldn't answer.

My voice was lost. Unlike my panicked reaction, the doctor took me in, performed a few tests, and then told the lady and gentleman about my condition.

의사 선생님

Well... Yeoju's condition has improved a lot now. Everything else has improved a lot, so she's fine...

아저씨

That's good. But is there a problem...?

의사 선생님

Apparently, the reason the female protagonist was sick was to avoid the stress and pain of the sudden situation. For the same reason, she unconsciously silenced herself. It was a form of self-defense.

The conversation outside the hospital room door, though not loud, felt as loud as if someone was shouting right next to my ear. At that moment, I felt truly relieved. I didn't want to talk.

As I was thinking about this and that, I found myself arriving at home. The house felt as warm and cozy as the two of them.

As we passed through the small garden, the woman told me she had a son about my age, two years older than me (he's 11 this year). His name was Kim Namjoon, and she told me he was a good boy and that she would treat him well.

I foolishly believed that.

As soon as I entered the house, I saw a tall, handsome boy and thought, "That guy is Kim Namjoon."

However, following my father's advice not to judge a book by its cover, I decided to see how he would react to me when I showed him a kindness.

Even though I didn't feel like smiling towards Namjoon oppa, who had become my family due to circumstances, I smiled brightly at him.

남준 오빠

What are you laughing at? Living off someone else's property. Don't you have any self-respect?

....It was a moment when I had a premonition that my life from now on would not be smooth.

작가

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