The time I could see you

[Extra Story]: (Blog) Kim Ye-won's writing_

I've had a hard life since I was young.

Because of my appearance, I was never always looked upon favorably.

The thing I say every day is,

“Haa..” a sigh,

The answer was just a few words, "Yes," or "Yeah."

I attempted suicide several times when I was young.

At the young age of 8, he suffered from aphasia for a short time.

My life is made up of many pains and sufferings,

I felt it was natural since I was little,

What makes me smile for a moment is talking to people online.

Or maybe it was me who wrote

I liked being online because I could hide myself.

I loved writing because it allowed me to fully express myself.

People online treated me like we'd known each other for a really long time.

In reality, I've rarely heard it said that except in a playful tone from a friend.

He didn't hesitate to say 'I love you'

I also liked that I could reveal myself completely and openly in writing that only I could see.

I don't need to be forced to hide myself by others,

What else do I do?

Because of the prejudice that women should be thin, I had to force myself to study.

Diet control and exercise

Because of that, my body was very, very damaged,

My body was already damaged from two car accidents when I was young.

J My body is already damaged by self-harm,

My body is so tired from not being able to sleep due to studying a lot all night.

Even I couldn't control myself properly

Falling down or vulnerable to viruses

I went to the hospital often,

I couldn't take care of myself either

I didn't know myself well either.

There's no one who celebrates my birthday.

No one asks about my health or well-being.

I was just a non-existent being,

Everyone treated me like I didn't exist,

I also treated myself as if I did not exist.

There was no one who remembered my name,

People only saw me as a studying machine, a weird kid, and a sick kid.

When was the last time you saw me?

Who am I

Where am I,

What am I,

Why am I alive

Why don't I die?

Why am I crying now?

Why did I lose you,

The question you kept asking me after losing you,

The questions I kept asking myself as I lost my identity,

There was no answer to that question,

I was struggling alone,

Even at that moment

I didn't meet anyone to make myself alone,

I devoted myself to my studies

I wanted to be an unlucky person,

I wanted to be a tough, sensitive person,

So, I just studied,

Fortunately, people saw me as I wanted to be.

My college entrance exam scores are pretty good, so I'm going to the university I want to go to.

I have the job I wanted as a writer,

By then, my memories of my student days had already disappeared.

I have no traces of the people who were with me at that time.