Episode 1: We're such idiots
"You're acting like nothing happened again."
Bambi's voice rang in his ear. XX slowly put down the glass he was holding. He hadn't even taken a sip from it yet.
"What do you mean?"
"What are you talking about, Yejun-hyung and Chaeyoung? You noticed too, right?"
XXX looked away naturally. The atmosphere at the drinking party was as lively as ever. It's always like this when people working in the music industry get together. Someone was talking about a new song, someone was talking about their next project, and someone was—
"It's okay. I've forgotten all about it."
She answered briefly and picked up her goblet.
Bambi sighed and took a sip of his own.
"You say that every time. But I can read your face."
XXX laughed softly.
"You read too much."
"That may be the case."
Bambi put down his glass and laughed jokingly, but his eyes were serious.
Yejun and Chaeyoung.
XXX remembered that scene again.
After the evening recording was finished.
Everyone else was sitting where they normally were, and Yejun, like always, took the seat next to Chaeyoung without thinking. And—
"Are you okay? Today's recording was tough."
His voice was so gentle it made me jealous.
XXX acted like nothing had happened. Yejun was always kind to everyone. Still, there was something strange about his attitude towards Chaeyoung.
She knew that.
So I felt my heart slowly crumbling.
Does Yejun really like Chaeyoung?
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but the point was that she couldn't be sure.
"XXX, you're so stupid."
Bambi said.
XXX looked up in surprise.
"what?"
"Exactly. It's stupid."
Bambi held the goblet in one hand and stared at her.
"You're so considerate of Yejun hyung, but you try not to show it. But everyone knows, you know? You're the only one who hasn't noticed."
"-or."
"Besides, I don't even know why I like you so much. Is Yejun hyung really that amazing?"
XXX closed his mouth.
That's right. Yejun is an amazing person.
He was the person she had looked up to the most since she started making music, the person she respected the most, and the person she had had a crush on for the longest time.
But I couldn't say that in front of Bambi.
"I don't know. I told you I'd given up."
She finally replied.
Bambi sighed and took a drink.
"Yes, if you say so."
XXX stared out the window in silence.
Stupid was probably the right word.
She had been staring at the same spot for far too long.
Knowing that the place wouldn't see me.
Bambi swirled his glass once and took a sip.
"You care so much, it makes me care too."
For a moment, XXX couldn't understand what Bambi was saying.
"...What do you mean?"
"You don't need to know."
Bambi casually put his glass on the table and leaned in to stare at her.
XXX sighed and turned away, not really in the mood for Bambi's jokes right now.
At that moment, my gaze naturally turned towards the noisy voices I heard from far away.
"Ah, hyung, are you drunk again?"
Hamin said.
XXX reflexively looked around for Yejun, who was leaning one arm over the table and shaking his glass.
"...Not really, but you just seem to feel good."
Eunho muttered next to Ha Min.
"Hyung, are you okay?"
As Eunho approached Yejun, Yejun slowly raised his head.
"Hmm? Oh... Eunho."
He laughed slowly.
"I'm feeling good right now. So just stay like that."
XXX felt strange.
Yejun drinks a lot, but he rarely appears this drunk.
"Y-Nam Yejun, are you okay?"
As XXX approached, Yejun looked up.
「…〇〇〇？」
His gaze caught hers.
That was the moment.
Yejun slowly reached out and grabbed her wrist.
"Why do you want to go so far away?"
XXX's heart skipped a beat. What a stupid thing to do.
I knew I had to say that, but I couldn't say anything.
At that time,
"Yejun hyung, it seems you couldn't sleep. You're talking in your sleep."
Bambi quickly intervened, automatically pulling Yejun's hand away.
"Hyung, I think you should just rest."
Bambi lightened the mood with a playful laugh, while Yejun blinked tiredly.
〇〇〇 exhaled without realizing it.
-
XXX was sitting at the table, but his mind was half empty.
"Why do you want to go so far away?"
The words Yejun had said kept ringing in my head.
He may have been drunk. He must have been drunk. Otherwise, he wouldn't have said something like that.
XXX shook his head vigorously.
"What's the matter, do you have a headache?"
"No, just."
Bambi took a sip, staring at her.
"It's obvious you're overthinking things again."
「…。」
XXX didn't answer in particular.
Perhaps trying to change the mood, Bambi naturally poured herself a drink into her glass.
"Drink. Don't overthink it."
XXX quietly picked up the sake cup.
"You always offer me drinks."
"Because drinking with you is the most fun."
Bambi gave a slight smile and took a drink of his own.
They were used to nights like this. Sometimes it was because of Yejun, sometimes it was just a bad day. On those days, the two of them would drink and talk honestly.
"Hey, do you remember that time?"
"What do you mean?"
"We kissed."
XXX was about to put his glass down, but stopped.
"...Why are you suddenly talking about this?"
"I just remembered. You remember, right?"
"I bet you remember that. It was the stupidest thing I ever did."
We were both drunk that day, just like we are now, and we were so engrossed in the atmosphere that we ended up kissing.
But after that, the two of them acted as if nothing had happened.
XXX didn't mind the kiss at all, and Bambi didn't think anything of it.
It was a relationship that seemed like it might cross a line, but never did.
"It still bothers me."
"What?"
Bambi spun his glass and laughed lazily.
"How you felt at that time."
XXX didn't answer.
What should I say?
To be honest, I still can't define exactly how I felt at that time.
Bambi paused, quietly draining his glass, and asked no more questions. Instead, he slowly rose to his feet and collapsed onto the edge of the table.
"Get some sleep. Don't wake me up."
It seemed like a careless statement, but I could sense that he was running away somehow.
And when Bambi fell asleep, silence fell over the table.
Now, everyone was getting drunk and getting up one by one, heading home or leaning back in their chairs and falling asleep. The once lively table had suddenly become quiet, and the empty bottles were barely shaking.
XXX slowly poured sake into the remaining cups. It was a quiet moment where no one paid any attention.
At that moment, I felt someone's gaze on me.
When she turned her head, Hamin was quietly watching her from a seat a short distance away.
"What's wrong, why are you staring at me like that?"
XXX asked, raising her glass to her lips. Hamin stood up without a word and quietly moved next to her.
"But your sister has suddenly been drinking a lot."
"What's wrong with the alcohol?"
When XXX said bluntly, Hamin smiled for a moment.
"You don't usually drink this much."
Without arguing, XXX placed the glass on the table, the sound of glass clashing briefly echoing.
"Hamin."
"…yes."
"You should drink some too."
She took the bottle and poured some into his glass. Hamin didn't say anything, just took the glass and toasted with her.
"cheers."
The toast was silent, and the only sound left on the table was the bitter liquid going down their throats.
Hamin sighed briefly and asked in a low voice.
"What was going on with you and Yejun hyung earlier?"
The unexpected question left XXX speechless for a moment.
"What? I just said it when I was... drunk."
"Really?"
Hamin's eyes became strangely sharp. His gaze seemed to see through something.
"...Why do you ask that?"
"just-"
Hamin looked away and answered briefly, then said in a low but clear voice:
"I think it's better to give up."
XXX's heart sank for a moment.
But then he smiled and raised his glass, as usual, as if nothing had happened.
"Do you really say such unnecessary things?"
"Because my sister is doing something unnecessary."
Hamin's words always seemed to pierce my bones.
It always stabbed her straight to the heart.
Hamin's words pierced me like a thorn.
XXX quietly put down the sake cup he was holding.
"Hamin."
"yes?"
"Do you have any ill feelings towards Yejun?"
Hamin's expression twisted for a moment.
"...What does that mean?"
"Why are you so sharp when it comes to anything to do with Yejun?"
She looked at him slowly.
"What's bothering you so much?"
Hamin was silent for a while, then he raised the corners of his mouth slightly and chuckled.
"It's just... annoying."
"What?"
"If it were me, I wouldn't do that."
The voice that fell at the end of the sentence was deep.
"Hamin, leave me alone."
Hamin's eyebrows moved slightly.
"If you don't mind, then I don't mind."
XXX let out a wry smile.
"You really haven't changed at all since the old days."
"You haven't changed at all, have you?"
Tension ran high between the two.
Eunho noticed the atmosphere from afar and came in jokingly.
"What's going on? Are you two fighting again?"
XXX shrugged purposefully to lighten the mood.
"This guy has been getting noisy lately. Eunho, was he always this noisy?"
"I've been like this since the beginning, haven't I?"
Hamin replied expressionlessly.
Eunho tried to change the mood by laughing, but XXX knew what was going on.
The meaning behind Hamin's words.
"I've been like this since the beginning, haven't I?"
So, did I realise this too late?
-
After the drinking party ended, people didn't leave their seats easily.
ㅇㅇㅇ quietly went outside and felt the breeze.
I'm starting to feel a little tipsy.
"Why did you come out alone?"
I turned around at the sound of a familiar voice and saw Noah standing there.
"I'm just suffocated."
Noah nodded and came to stand next to her.
"You've had quite a bit to drink today."
ㅇㅇㅇ chuckled.
"I guess so."
Noah stared at her quietly.
"Tell me honestly. It's Nam Yejun's fault, right?"
ㅇㅇㅇ was surprised.
"...Have you noticed?"
"Yeah, they know."
Noah sighed tiredly.
"Everyone knows you like Yejun."
Noah's words left ㅇㅇㅇ at a loss for words.
"…everyone?"
ㅇㅇㅇ was so surprised that he burst out laughing.
"What about Yejun?"
Noah chuckled.
"I don't know that either."
「…。」
ㅇㅇㅇ was so shocked that everything had been revealed that she tapped her toe on the floor.
It was too late to deny it now, because it was the truth.
"But why haven't you heard anything?"
"Because even if I did, you wouldn't admit it."
"it is…."
ㅇㅇㅇ was vague in his words.
"Besides, you can understand without me having to say it, right?"
Noah looked at her slowly.
"You care about what Yejun does and it hurts you, but in the end you still love him."
ㅇㅇㅇ was unable to reply.
"If that's how you intend to live, what about us?"
Noah laughed softly.
"Just watching."
ㅇㅇㅇ Those words gave me a strange chill.
If everyone really knew
So does Yejun know too?
So why doesn't he care about anything?
"...That seems stupid, doesn't it?"
ㅇㅇㅇ muttered softly.
Noah shrugged one shoulder.
"Yeah, a little bit, huh?"
He said, patting her lightly on the head.
"But there are plenty of us who are as stupid as you."
ㅇㅇ looked at Noah.
"...Does that include you?"
Noah laughed but didn't answer.
The silence felt very significant.
⸻
ㅇㅇㅇ sat outside for a long time.
My head was confused.
Pretending everything was fine was only the beginning, but now I was exhausted.
"Everyone knows."
Noah's words wouldn't leave my head.
Does Yejun know too?
So why don't I feel anything?
While I was thinking about this, I heard footsteps.
"Here he was."
ㅇㅇ looked up at the familiar voice.
It was Yejun.
"Are you okay?"
His tone was gentle as always.
For a moment, tears welled up in ㅇㅇㅇ's eyes, but she managed to hold them back.
"Yeah, I just wanted to feel the breeze."
Yejun stood in front of her, staring at her intently.
This person was such a kind person to begin with.
As always, and from now on.
But knowing that this kindness was the same for everyone, it was painful for ㅇㅇㅇ.
"Why did you drink so much?"
ㅇㅇ replied with a short laugh at Yejun's gentle voice.
"Are you okay."
Yejun stared at her, not believing what she was saying. His gaze hurt. It hurt so much that ㅇㅇㅇ purposely looked away.
"Today was tough, wasn't it?"
"You mean the recording?"
"That's true, though."
Yejun took a step closer, the closeness making him feel suffocated.
ㅇㅇㅇ took a slow breath.
"it's okay."
Same answer again. Same lie again.
Yejun bowed his head slightly and asked very carefully.
"Is that because of me?"
ㅇㅇㅇ's heart skipped a beat.
At that moment, my mind went blank.
"Even if you know, act like you don't know. Please, act like you don't know."
"What are you talking about? I just like alcohol so I drank."
She said with a forced smile, her tone laced with laughter, her expression acting as if nothing had happened.
But Yejun still stared at her.
"You're scary sometimes."
"What?"
"Pretending it's nothing. Making it seem like it's nothing at all."
ㅇㅇ didn't wipe the smile from his face.
"Yejun, what's wrong? You seem different than usual."
「…。」
Yejun didn't answer.
He just stood quietly beside her. A long silence fell between them. Then ㅇㅇ realized what that silence meant.
"Well, let me ask you something. What happened to you today?"
"picture?"
"At a drinking party. She grabbed my wrist and said that to me."
Yejun didn't answer for a while.
"Don't you remember?"
"...I remember."
That was the short answer.
ㅇㅇ instinctively took a deep breath.
"So it wasn't just nonsense."
Yejun gazed at her silently, the night breeze rustling his hair.
"yes."
"…Yeah."
"I don't want to be so far away from you."
「…。」
"I just hate it."
The words were not a confession.
It wasn't that he was indifferent.
Ambiguous temperature.
ㅇㅇㅇThe temperature was even more painful.
That's why I laughed.
"That's right, you and I have always had this kind of relationship."
"What do you mean?"
"Don't cross the line."
ㅇㅇ said quietly.
"You're kind to me, and I rely on that kindness. But sometimes I get it wrong."
Yejun didn't say anything.
"Look at your reaction. You really do know. Everyone else knew, except me. I'm such an idiot."
ㅇㅇ quietly convinced herself, her heart growing colder.
Yejun raised his head and stared into the distant darkness, his expression unreadable as he remained silent the whole time.
In the end, ㅇㅇ spoke again.
"Let's go in now."
"yes."
She didn't look back.
"I love you."
The moment those words came out, I felt like I heard a rattling sound somewhere in my heart.
ㅇㅇㅇ tried to laugh, but the smile just came out naturally.
"It's too late, Yejun."
"Why?"
"You were the only one who didn't know something that everyone else knew. Or maybe you were just pretending not to know."
Yejun's eyes shook.
"It was really tough."
"I didn't mean that."
"Yeah. I hate that word the most."
ㅇㅇㅇ tried to pass Yejun, but he grabbed her wrist. This time he wasn't drunk. There was hesitation in his fingers, and he wavered as if he was about to give up.
"Sorry. I wasn't sure then. But now I understand everything."
ㅇㅇㅇ slowly shook off his hand.
"It's too late to say anything now."
Then he quietly turned around and walked away.
At that moment, Noah's words came to mind again.
"There are a lot of idiots like you."
Perhaps this was the night for fools to collide.
Someone was an idiot who realized it too late.
Someone is a fool who waited too long.
Someone is an idiot who can't say anything.
And among those fools, ㅇㅇ began to walk quietly. It was the night when he realized that kindness can be poisonous.