It was summer.
I don't know why I had to accept such a meaningless offer, but I found it difficult to speak up in front of him with his serious expression as if he was not joking, so I decided that I should win and end it.
"okay."
"Drink this before the next class starts. I'll go first! I won't bother you from now until the final exam. I'll see you on the day the final exam grades come out."
After taking my hand and handing me the apple soda, he waved, flashing his signature refreshing smile again, and leisurely left the rooftop. Coming down from the rooftop, I looked back and forth between the chocolate milk I'd received that morning and the apple soda in my hand, and I thought about how strangely similar they were. The sweetness of chocolate that would make you miss it if it wasn't there, and the presence of carbonation that would appear when you'd forgotten, its tangy flavor making its presence known. The combination of the two made him someone you couldn't help but like. I thought that his presence, which would leave me empty but then disappear, would gradually grow a place for me, and I carefully put the chocolate milk and apple soda in my bag.
"What's going on with you these days? You know finals are coming up soon."
"Your mom."
"Don't think you'll let me off the hook just because I haven't been paying attention to you lately because of an important project. I saw your last report card and it said you failed. Can you raise it again?"
"I'll make sure you don't have to worry."
My mom, who had returned from a long-awaited business trip, began picking me up again. Perhaps it was a relief not to run into Jeon Jungkook. Perhaps this suffocating conversation felt familiar because I had been through it for so long. The reason success was my top priority was that if I could just endure this hell a little longer, I could become independent, and that success was something I desperately wanted more than anyone else. I didn't want to be decorated as a trophy, a doll for my mom, not myself.
"Mom, I have to go straight to work, so eat some food and then study right away."
"yes."
I went home, ate just enough rice to fill my stomach like I always do, and sat down. I put the chocolate milk and apple soda from the bag next to me on the desk and started to look at it quietly. I kept thinking about the bitter smile he had on his face when he handed me the dewy apple soda on the rooftop. It's not like I was that distant from the people around me from the beginning. I had a rather outgoing personality, and since I was a child who was supposed to play, I lived by following the given path, so I gradually drifted away from my close friends and gradually became accustomed to this life. It was difficult, but I wanted to end my childhood where I couldn't show it to anyone, and I wanted to cut off all relationships and end this situation as quickly as possible.
'Maybe it's crazy to think that you want to beat me...'
/
thank you