Season 3_Jang Ma-eum, an orphan with a family of 13

#50_Even confession is difficult

"I think it's true. It's exciting. No... it's exciting."

A feeling of happiness enveloped me. Of course, I didn't even want to get into a relationship or a relationship.


So, to be exact, it would have been normal to not have such feelings until the year after next.


As a man who just happened to love a woman, I just thought I was lucky.

“No… Honestly, this handsome guy

He acts so kindly and affectionately,

How can I not be excited…?”

It's nice to hear that she was kind and affectionate, but that's not all. Kind and affectionate behavior isn't necessarily something that comes from a romantic interest.

“It’s so nice to hear people say I’m handsome.”

Living with Seventeen and meeting celebrities and idols that are hard to meet even once, I thought I had developed an immunity to their looks.


It's embarrassing to say this myself, but all of us in Seventeen were on the good-looking side.


I once heard something like this: Celebrities don't become celebrities because they're handsome or pretty, they're just people from another world.


But I liked that she still saw me that way. It made me feel like I was special to her.

“I always hear from Carats that I’m handsome…”

Her words were true. Most fans often told me I was handsome.


But unlike then, I'm feeling particularly excited because it's you. It's a feeling I already knew, and I didn't even try to reject.

“It’s different because it’s you. It’s special because it’s you.”

She opened her mouth cautiously.

"why…?"

“Why do you think that is?”

If she was perceptive, she might have noticed. But she was particularly oblivious when it came to romance.


I've probably had experience in other fields, but never in the realm of love where I needed to be so perceptive. There was a 90% chance she wouldn't know.

“Because you care about me? Because I’m your person…”

That was true, too. Judging by the way he'd just absentmindedly pulled Ma-eum's shoulder, it seemed like he wouldn't despair even if our relationship didn't progress any further.

“Oh, but when I try to say this with my own mouth

“It’s so embarrassing.”

I took a deep breath to say that big, heavy thing I had been putting off.

“That too. That’s true.

But that's not the real reason."

“…Is it what I think it is?”

“You already know. I like you a lot.”

At that moment, Ma-eum's steps as she headed towards my car suddenly stopped.

“Heart…”

This confession wasn't made to embarrass you, to tie you to this confession, or to make you think of me in some way.


Ah, maybe I'm just being selfish. Of course, it's not easy to say, but it's even harder to hear and accept. Why did I just blurt out that confession without even thinking about her?


Maybe I should have waited a little longer. At least until she became an adult.

“Uh, I’m sorry. I…”

It wasn't a confession asking me to apologize for being emotionless.


She already knew she had no feelings for me. She knew all too well that I was just a good older brother to her.


Sometimes I felt excited, but that was just natural because I was a young girl.

“I know. You don’t have any feelings. You don’t need to apologize.

What moment in life are you facing right now?

I know too well, and if I'm going to apologize, I should be the one to do it.”

“No, why are you apologizing again, oppa?”

“You are a minor, my heart.

“I am an adult, four years older than you.”

But why can't I let you go, thinking I only have to wait a year? I've given up so many times in my 23 years of life, but why isn't it working this time?


Whenever I'm around you, whenever I'm involved with you, I feel like I'm not myself. Even my birthday wish was for you.


This was almost the first time I'd ever made a wish for someone since I started making birthday wishes.


I hope you are happy. I hope that happiness comes from being by my side.


It was a simple, yet perhaps grand, wish that I could be there for you when you cry.

“But why do you keep making me excited?”

I feel relieved again at hearing you were excited. I feel like a terrible thief.

“In a word, I can’t give up.

This is the first time my heart has been beating like this.

Whatever the outcome, this process

I'm confident that it won't be a wasted time.

After coming to Korea with the goal of becoming an idol,

“It’s the first time I’ve done what my heart tells me to do.”

She didn't answer. Well, it was a very ambiguous situation to even answer.



If I had any feelings for him, I wouldn't know. He'd just think it was a confession from a good older brother, so no matter what I said, it would still be awkward.

“But, if you don’t like it, I won’t do it.

If you don't like it, you can give up.

Not exactly giving up

I guess I should say that I'm sending it to you."

Her eyes rippled. I don't think I've ever seen her this anxious and confused, and I hated myself for making her feel that way. She took a deep breath and continued.

“But you can’t give up on your brother-sister relationship?

I confessed, I rejected

Let's not be awkward"

I said it playfully. After all, I just wanted you to be comfortable.

“Brother, I don’t know my own heart.

I've already been confessed to once,

All I could say to him was to just wait.

Even though I don't know if the result of waiting will be rejection.

Extremely selfish,

“It was a matter of driving a nail into that person’s emotions.”

I had a rough idea who it was. Jeonghan, Mingyu, or Chan. It had to be one of the three, with Chan being the most likely.

“But that’s all I can say.

I don't know anything about dating, and I don't know anything about love.

Living with Seventeen, what is love?

I'm just learning about a type of love called familial love.

“I think it’s still a little early to learn about new love.”

Misa Yeo-gu, who doesn't want to hurt me in any way. She said she wanted to write, but her words seemed quite beautiful.


But I already knew that I would confess to you and be rejected, so I'm not hurt.

“I’ll wait. Even if the answer is no,

I like that I feel like I'll be alone during that time.

I'm fine with that. Take your time, take your time answering."

And there was something I really wanted to say to her. I didn't want to undermine her self-esteem, which she had held on to solely on her own.

“I hope you never think of me as being selfish.

“You made the best choice for yourself.”

I noticed your eyes reddening. I wanted to tell you that you could cry as much as you wanted, but in this situation, I couldn't seem to find the heart to cry.


I was content just to have him by my side, putting a hand on my shoulder and pulling me under the umbrella so I wouldn't get wet.