10
"Please come in."
"Jungkook, please be careful on your way in."
So we arrived home. Jungkook turned around after telling me to go in. I was so grateful, but there was nothing I could do. Wanting to do something, I grabbed Jungkook's hand as he walked away.
"Uh... I, that..."
"······."
"..Thank you! I will do it
"Because there's nothing I can do..."
"······."
"excuse me."
"······."
"You dropped this."
Seven years ago, at the age of nineteen, at an age when nothing but studying mattered, a child appeared. 'Kim Yeo-ju.' Despite lacking double eyelids, she had large eyes, a prominent nose, and thin but pretty lips. She was a pretty girl with a small face, with well-defined eyes, nose, and mouth.
Yeoju was always popular, whether with the opposite sex or with her peers. There was no room for me in that group. I just watched from afar. Yeoju was too bright to approach, and I was a shy kid with square glasses and no friends.
"Hey, lady..."
"······."
"You... are crying..."
One late night, I found Yeoju crying alone in a dark study room. Startled by the sight of me, she quickly wiped away her tears, smiled brightly, and then, after a moment of silence, packed her bag and left. Concerned, I summoned the courage to ask her if we could go together if we were going the same direction. She hesitated for a moment, then nodded in agreement.
"If I dare to do it to you,
I don't know if that makes sense, but..."
"······."
"It's okay to cry if it's hard. You're crying
Because no one says anything."
"··· thank you."
The heroine looked exhausted and worn out. As they were about to part ways, she asked for his number first. Her heart was pounding so hard she couldn't even tell if she'd dialed it correctly. Her eyes were filled with sadness.
But after that, we didn't contact each other. Aside from a single message asking how I was doing on the day we exchanged numbers, I was happy with whatever happened. Even without a presence, I felt like I had entered Yeoju's world. I hoped Yeoju wouldn't know. That I, so inadequate as I am, was madly in love with myself.
-Sir, senior... I'm in front of the park right now...
"······."
- If you come now, can't you...?
Stop.
"··· Lady. Lady?"
It had been a whole month since we last heard from each other. But who would have thought Yeoju would be crying again? In that freezing weather, I skipped a coat and ran outside toward the park. When I arrived, I looked around and saw Yeoju sitting on a bench, shivering and crying. Only when I approached her and asked what was wrong did she finally feel relieved, and she collapsed, leaning against my shoulder.
"Senior... I'm having a hard time..."
"······."
"There are so many people around,
"No one knows what's on their mind."
"······."
I just want to give up. I want to stop trying to please people, and I want to cut off all ties with people who only see my appearance and approach me... But I can't. I feel so guilty that I can't face Yeoju. After all, I'd only liked her for her appearance. I wondered if I, someone like her, could possibly know her true feelings.
I patted Yeoju's back silently. My heart pounded as if it would burst. Not because I was happy or nervous, but because I was sorry. I was so sorry I couldn't express it. Yeoju cried endlessly. She cupped my hand and held it tightly, refusing to let go. Even out of guilt, I couldn't stay by Yeoju's side. When I tried to pull my hand away, Yeoju hugged me tightly.
"··· Oppa."
"······."
"Jungkook oppa."
"······."
"If my brother isn't here, I..."
"I'm dying." Everything felt like it was crumbling down at Yeoju's single word. Now that things had come to this, I firmly resolved to do what I thought was "good for Yeoju," not what I thought was "good for Yeoju." Then, he hugged Yeoju even tighter than Yeoju and spoke.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"······."
"Even if everyone leaves
I will definitely stay by your side."
"··· Hehe."
"Don't worry, my lady."
There was a deep, nicked wound on her wrist, as if slashed with a knife, hidden beneath her slightly rolled-up sleeve, but I ignored it. It wasn't a good thing for her to rely so heavily on me. I just wanted to be her emotional trash can. I felt too guilty about becoming someone she could rely on comfortably.
"··· What did you say···?"
"I heard he transferred schools. I heard it's on the map too.
"I heard he went down to the countryside where people don't come out."
The next day, I asked the teacher in charge of Yeoju, who wasn't answering her phone. I heard she'd moved to a rural village where no one knew her. My legs gave out and I collapsed. She was definitely right in front of me just yesterday. She'd been in contact with me just seven hours ago... I immediately left school and headed to Yeoju's house, but all I found was a piece of paper with the words "For Rent" written on it.
"My lady... My lady... My lady..."
"Minyoung, I'm sorry."
"······."
"Let's break up."
I tried to keep my memories of Yeoju as just another memory from my school days, but strangely enough, I've been unable to love anyone since then. No matter how pretty or kind a woman I see, I feel no emotion. So, most of the time, I date people I don't like, and they end up hurting me.
"You're really the worst."
"······."
"I really want to meet someone like you, oppa
"Try the same thing."
I know, I'm the worst.
As the other person left, he silently poured soju into his empty glass and drank it. Not satisfied, he lifted the entire bottle and downed it. It was bitter. Like a jujube. It was sweet. Like a jujube. It was bitter, but sweet enough that you couldn't hate it.
"··· This is fucking, damn it."
Isn't it too selfish to call it first love?
If you want to cry, cry. Ms. Kim Yeo-ju.
No one will say anything if you cry.'
'It's okay to cry if you're having a hard time. You're crying.
Because no one said anything.'
Clearly, they were similar. When Jungkook told me he thought of me as his older brother and leaned on me, I was struck by the emotions I felt seven years ago. I don't remember his name, his face, or anything else. It's such a distant memory, but I can still vividly recall every single action he took.
"Glasses... wearing glasses
I think it was there."
The moment I vaguely remembered my brother's face, Seokjin came home and nagged me, saying he'd been searching for me for a while, asking when I'd gotten home. Seokjin told me to hurry up and wash up, and as he took off his top to prepare to shower, I noticed a long scar on his wrist.
Today, it was a wound that was particularly bothering me.
Oww!