Drops of light

19_Reason #There is, not yet

[Yerin's point of view]

What is this, I feel so disappointed in life.

Those happy times have become so distant that I can't even remember when they were.

A time of anticipation for the future,

The moment when I was fully satisfied with the present,

Now it's so far away that I can't reach it even if I stretch out my hand.

No, it's not visible in the first place.

That's just it these days,

I don't even miss happiness,

I'm giving up on even the good things now,

Just to end this darkness.

This dark life, me staggering,

Just let it go.

There is nothing left to do, not even to breathe

I don't think there's any reason for me to breathe.

Just giving up...

Listen to good music,

Because I'm so comforted by music

Sing and dance

Because the need to put effort into something has all but disappeared.

Just give up on everything, let it go

Moving on to the next world that I hope will never happen again

Forget everything and breathe anew.

You don't have to go to the next world.

You don't have to breathe again.

I wish it were so.

So, please, just hang on to the edge of the cliff

I wish I had just fallen off that cliff.

Since when did I become like this?

How did Jeong Ye-rin, who was always bright and positive, end up like this?

I wasn't like this originally,

My life wasn't like this either.

At what point did everything start to fall apart?

I lay half-lying on the bed, dazed, listening to the melody flowing from the earphones in my ears.

He turned up the volume as if trying to ignore the voices seeping in through the small gap between his ears and the earphones.

Close your eyes quietly.

at that time,

엄마

Jeong Ye-rin!!!!!!

정예린

..ha

For some reason, whenever my name is called at home, I sigh.

정예린

..why..?

엄마

What were you doing in your room?

정예린

I just... listened to the song

엄마

Did you study?

정예린

Yeah, I've finished everything I had to do today.

엄마

Do you do anything else besides that?

정예린

..uh?

엄마

How much is that? Just do that. Do something more.

Either buy me a workbook or don't talk to me...

They won't buy me a workbook or give me money to buy one, so what am I supposed to do?

아빠

Read some books too

정예린

huh..

Enter the room and close the door silently.

Just living is hard and difficult enough,

Just opening my eyes in the morning, breathing, and getting through the day like that

I'm so dizzy and tired, I don't think I can do anything anymore.

Mom and Dad keep telling me to do more

I have to agree again without saying anything.

It drives people crazy.

Even if you do that, what you get in return is not a single warm word, but actions that are taken for granted.

Words that belittle and look down on the efforts I've made.

And the cold eyes looking at me.

If you don't do it, you will be subject to contempt and criticism.

If you do it, you will receive something natural and a new task to accomplish.

In the end, the ending is the same.

I'm hurt, I'm tired, but I can't rest.

And that I have to hide it by myself again.

Also I....

Being alone without intending to

I was sitting at my desk, absentmindedly scribbling down random letters.

Before I knew it, the outside of the window was filled with darkness.

Even inside the house, the sound of something moving was cut off.

So I allowed myself to be caught up in the time called "my night".

I always listened to the words that were whispering inside me.

But, well, it was all just lamenting.

Why was I born?

Why do I live?

Why do my eyes open and why do I breathe?

Why can't I refuse it,

Is this what life is like?

It's so hard I'm going crazy.

These words, written in an instant, float in my heart every day.

Then, the moment I thought, 'You've worked hard,' tears welled up in my eyes.

But soon I realized the reality and the tears dried up without a trace.

정예린

Huh...lol

It was absurd.

What is reality, what is life,

I wonder if I am not even allowed to shed tears at these words of comfort.

I thought it would have been better if I didn't even know the reason.

Now that I know the reason, I know what to do.

Because I couldn't make it happen, it seemed even more crazy.

So I thought it would be better if I didn't know why it was so difficult.

I thought that at least I could escape this situation where I had to know everything.

If I didn't know why, I figured it could at least be better than it is now.

I was sure it would be like that,

That was my big mistake.

[19_Reason #There, Not Yet] the end