What the wounds on my body and the wounds on my heart have in common
[Episode 2]
02. Jimin's past
2 years ago
Today was a peaceful day. No, to be precise, it was peaceful until that incident happened. Jimin, hurrying somewhere with small steps, had already been damp from the hot weather for a long time, and beads of sweat were forming on his forehead.
박지민
"Is the weather warm?"
The weather, with temperatures in the low 30s and even reaching 40 degrees, was so hot it made even the most savage of people stick their tongues out. Jimin desperately wanted air conditioning, a fan, and ice. He quickly walked toward the clothing store, a so-called paradise, where the air conditioning was on.
Thump- Jimin bumped into someone and almost fell backwards, but quickly regained his balance.
박지민
"Ugh... I'm sorry! ㅠㅠ"
Jimin was clutching his head, as if it hurt. He, who had also been in trouble on his way out of the PC room, glared at Jimin in the same manner.
???
"Ah... shit# it hurts so bad..."
Jimin, overcome with guilt, couldn't raise his head until he heard someone swearing. It didn't seem like much, but Jimin, who usually disliked swearing, looked up in surprise, and Jimin couldn't hide his shock.
박지민
"..Lee Ji-ho?"
He, also known as "Iljin," was a true bully. I ran into him, the school's biggest problem child. Anyone else would have just apologized, but he was different.
Jimin, who was blaming himself for bumping into him, froze when he heard his voice.
이지호
"Follow us."
Us? Who else is there besides Lee Ji-ho? Jimin's expression hardened. And sure enough, a group of bullies, seemingly in the same league as Lee Ji-ho, emerged from the PC room entrance. Jimin had a hunch then.
Oh, I'm ruined.
alley.
They dragged Jimin into a dark alley. He wanted to run away, but he didn't have the confidence to handle it later, so he just stayed silent.
이지호
"Hey buddy, do you have any money?"
박지민
"Yeah, yeah..?"
His question, breaking the suffocating silence, was exactly as expected. Given the flow of the conversation, it was obvious he was going to rip me off.
박지민
"I'm sorry... but I really don't have any money..."
It was a lie. This morning, I broke my piggy bank to buy gifts for my mother and siblings. Jimin's father, a firefighter, died trying to save a young child, about my brother's age, and an elderly woman. I had no idea he would disappear so suddenly, so suddenly.
That was just two years ago. I felt so sorry and grateful to my mother, who struggled to raise three children without a husband, and my younger siblings, who smiled brightly despite losing their beloved father.
My mother, who had always given me allowance, told me not to be discouraged despite our difficult financial situation, and saved it whenever I had it. I couldn't let that precious money be taken away from me.
이지호
"You really don't have any? Do you know what happens if you lie?"
Yeah, I know. There were so many rumors about you being a sheep.
It was a word I couldn't bring myself to say.
박지민
"There really isn't any..."
이지호
"One for ten cents. Got it?"
It was Lee Ji-ho, who would raise and lower the corners of his mouth and make ridiculous comments. I'd only seen that in dramas and movies... Who would have thought I'd experience it in real life?
So what's the ending? Just as I expected... I got ripped off, beaten, and beaten... It's been a while since I've been in my daily life. I say that, but the pain is still the same.
I asked the writer if the male lead should save me, but he said it's not the right time yet, damn it. Is there really no such thing as a prince charming on a white horse for me? I'm feeling a little lonely today.
°°°
The next day.
As soon as I entered the classroom, I sat down. But I didn't look up. I didn't have the courage to face him. Then, I heard my name being called by a classmate.
Don't you suddenly feel better when you hear your own name, no matter how small? It might just be me, but I think most people would agree. It's human nature to be sensitive when it comes to others, even if it's just your own. Jimin listened intently to one child's words.
최민기
"Hey, I suddenly have a question."
최민기
"Why did Park Jimin get hit by Lee Ji-ho?"
방용국
"Park Jimin is over there. Speak quietly."
최민기
"So what? Now I'm just a loner."
That's right. I'm a loner, but what the heck. Can't a loner do anything? Without friends, you can't even be treated like a human being. It was absurd, but on the other hand, I felt a little lonely.
When rumors spread that Lee Ji-ho had targeted her, her friends left without a word. Oh, and Lee Ji-ho must have threatened her too. Thanks to that, no one was around. She was completely alone.
최민기
"Anyway, why did you take a picture of Park Jimin? You know I can't study until I solve the problem I'm curious about!"
이홍빈
"Study? Did you even study? You were the guy who kept dozing off in class..."
최민기
"Anyway!.."
방용국
"Park Jimin, did you sin against Lee Ji-ho? Did he expose your weakness?"
이홍빈
"I don't know. I guess it was taken because it was worth taking."
박지민
"......"
Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by those words. What on earth did I do wrong? Why would someone say something like that when they don't even know what they're talking about? I couldn't understand it at first.
이홍빈
"Oh, that's right. When I saw you last time you were at the bloodbath with Park Jimin, you were no joke. Haha. I thought you were such a nice person."
최민기
"Really? I'm so disappointed, I got fooled."
I've never told anyone I was a good person. I've never said I was a model student, or that I was quiet and kind to others. They try to force their own image of me into their heads. I've never done that. I don't expect that.
A pretty puppet. I, who once lived my life insisting on doing things my own way, have become a puppet controlled by others, hiding myself to look good to others.
I, too, was put under a mask. "You can't take it off. You can't break it." People brainwashed me. But I wanted to take it off. I felt like I'd go crazy if I didn't.
I raise one hand to take off my mask. My heart beats faster. I tremble. I'm finally free.
But immediately, another hand struck down the one trying to remove the mask. It was stifling and painful, but I couldn't remove it. I was so scared, I couldn't muster the courage to face the world with the ugliness hidden beneath the mask.
So I put my mask back on.
And hurry up.
Preparing to dress up as a pretty puppet.
°°°
So things return to the present.
이지호
"Jimin, shall we do something fun?"
°°°
What Lee Ji-ho said was funny was spreading false rumors about a kid named Jeon Jung-kook. Honestly, I didn't want to do it. I don't have any ill feelings toward Jeon Jung-kook. And I knew that if things got worse, they'd blame me for starting the rumor.
박지민
"......"
이지호
"Why? You don't like it?"
박지민
"Yeah, no..."
I couldn't help it. No, I was scared. I was afraid of what kind of harm I'd suffer next. I knew it wasn't right, but seeing Lee Ji-ho staring at me as if he was going to kill me, I think my survival instinct kicked in.
박지민
"...I will."
이지호
"As expected. I knew it."
Was bumping shoulders really such a big mistake? Of course, I'm not saying I did anything wrong. I just feel a little wronged and dumbfounded. In my one and only school years, at this age when friends are the most precious thing, did I really have to go through this?
I was a coward. I sold my friend out of fear. I succumbed to the ruthless violence that everyone else experiences. Am I unworthy of life? Am I a perfect failure of God?
박지민
"......"
While others were making happy memories and giggling, I was alone. I was scared. This moment, this future that was coming to me. I was so scared, so frightened, I wanted to hide.
But I couldn't. Was it because I had nowhere to hide? No, because I was too afraid of the future to think about my present self. Depression was eating away at me. It was too painful. I wish someone would just hold my hand.
Fear and worry about the unknown surround me. It could be nothing. Yet, I'm already enveloped in anxiety.
I continue to curl up. To hide from anyone. To keep this state of mine from anyone. But I extend my hand slightly. In this parched, cracked land, those hands are too small to fight reality.
With a hint of hope that someone might catch me, along with a feeling of pity.
-Jimin's past END-