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PoV 1 Kim Jongdae
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“What are you doing?” I said to the bedroom wall, looking like a madman, because the surroundings were dim—I had deliberately turned off the lights—so I wouldn’t have to look stupid in front of the ugly geckos. “It’s really cold tonight.” Again, I babbled to myself, “How was your day today?” Actually, I was nervous. “I miss you.” Right! Honestly! Luckily, I hadn’t called him yet. “Have you eaten?” Okay, change the subject! “Can we meet tomorrow?” Then I quickly came to my senses when I saw my own reflection. “Will I be able to hear your laughter?” In the end, I could only sigh blankly.
But, wait a minute! I can't give up this easily, right? We've known each other for so long, so there shouldn't be any awkwardness! Moreover, our relationship isn't just a normal one. This is just a normal phone call, and most couples in this world do that, so it's normal, right?
“HobakjukIt looks delicious.” Then I forced a wide smile, the sweet smile that often gets compliments from my friends— no! No! No! Aish, my head was a little dizzy from shaking it so hard. I don't know why all of that suddenly sounded scary! Even though such words are common in a relationship. But it would sound awkward if only one party was so enthusiastic in a conversation. “I'm embarrassed,” I hissed nervously.
I looked back at my phone screen, which still displayed his number. I should have called him? However, my thumb would cramp every time I pressed the green button, it was so weird, even though it was just a trivial matter like making a phone call, I called my boyfriend okay, but it felt like I was about to call the angel of death who wanted to kill me tonight!
I just can't! I can't give up trying to call him and I can't call him!
The ticking of the clock hands continued to tick past the numbers, the night was so quiet that even my breathing could be heard clearly, there were no crickets or other nocturnal animals singing, perhaps they were annoyed by my restlessness? But who cares! My legs wouldn't stop pacing—
“You’re only going home at this time!”
My body jumped as the screams of a woman who lived next door shattered the silence. I, who had been chewing on the end of my phone, walked over to the window to peek at the couple.
“Where have you been, huh? You went back to your mistress’s house!”
Well, adult life is not as beautiful as a drama, huh. The husband and wife often quarreled, the wife always accused her husband of cheating and the husband always came home drunk at night. The whole complex knew about this, at first they even wanted to kill each other with broken soju bottles, people separated them, but once at the police station, the two immediately became affectionate again, it happened so often, now no one cared about them anymore even though the wife had been shot with a gun by her husband—
“Why are you calling at this time of night?”
Husband... huh?
Panicked, I looked at my phone screen, my eyes bulging with my lips forming a V, my temples immediately dripping with cold sweat the size of peas. This saliva was swallowed with difficulty, in the end I could only force an awkward smile when I saw his handsome face with a frown in confusion waiting for my voice. Damn, this is cheating, I accidentally pressed the buttoncalling!
“Hey!”
He waved his palm in front of the phone screen.
“Yes! You bastard husband! Where else are you going, huh!”
I quickly closed the curtains and ran to bed, covering myself with the blanket as my neighbors started arguing again; just like every other night. The sound of things being thrown and arguing was probably their daily routine, and it wasn't good for my boyfriend to hear. I wished they would just divorce.
I put on my earphones. I stared at the screen, which thankfully was still on, displaying her large eyes. Then I fought an internal battle, choosing the first words to say to her. There wasn't much time, or I'd—
“Halo?”
Reflexively, I threw the phone away as soon as the man's voice that had filled my memory for the past year was heard again. I took a deep breath and exhaled, hearing his lips pout again, grabbing the phone and placing it in front of his face. He turned his phone around, then walked and pointed the screen at his walking feet, I could see he was wearing jeans with holes here and there—especially the knees, just like him, exactly like the fashion sense of the man who shot me a tacky shot and forced me to be his girlfriend a year ago.
It was only a faint sound, but with the certainty that I had dug out my ears earlier that afternoon, I heard his footsteps blending with the DJ music and the fading screams of the crowd. He hadn't shown any background, only his face filling the screen.
"Where are you?" I asked; casually. Not angry, really. Just wanted to ask, but it seemed like he didn't think so? That was evident when it had been almost a few minutes but he still hadn't answered my simple question and another bit of annoyance, that happened when for some reason suddenly my temples started sweating again, my palms and feet too, but this time it felt different.
I thought again about the right words to greet him. "Hey, have you eaten yet?" I grimaced in embarrassment, why did that come out of my mouth? It was almost 2 a.m.! "Hehehe, don't answer then."
I then lay down, still hiding under the blanket. Besides, a pimple had just appeared on my right forehead, and I didn't want to show it until the damn thing disappeared. At least that childish thought eased the pain that was starting to attack my stomach again, because I'd once again put off eating, hehe.
I glanced at my phone screen, which read 2:04 AM KST. Everyone at home had already turned off the lights and gone to sleep. So did I; I was pretending to be asleep. So, I tried my best not to make even the slightest noise that might wake my parents and alert them to my messy room.
I moved a little awayairphoneAs soon as the sound changed, it sounded like a broken radio. I studied it slowly before putting it back on.
“Sorry, sorry.”
The corner of my lips twitched as the man spoke again.
“It’s okay,” I said, a bit of a lie, but I’ll just say it was an apology for keeping him waiting earlier.
“I was with the kids, as usual, and I already ate,”the answer is fast, short and concise.
It was a bit excessive when suddenly my heart felt like it was beating faster with my hands shaking and sweating a little, could this be what is called falling in love with the same person many times?
“Suho is treating us all to a special meal tonight.”He started to tell his story, the atmosphere in the place was not as crowded as before.
I pulled back the blanket, getting some fresh air. "That would be nice." I reached for the bottle of mineral water on the nightstand. I quickly opened it with my left hand and drank it down until only half was left.
“How about you, have you had dinner?”
I nodded; even though I knew he wouldn't see it. "Yes, today Mom cooked."Beer garden,” my lie wasn't entirely a lie. Because mom really did cook those disgusting silkworm larvae. I heard her laugh. I quickly activated the recording mode, really not wanting to miss a single precious moment with her.
“Did you eat it?”His tone was one of disbelief. "Tell me!"His voice sounded so enthusiastic and it succeeded in making my heart beat fast as if I was about to die for the umpteenth time.
“Let's eat it together and tell each other how it tastes,” I replied sarcastically.Beer gardenis a Korean food that's quite popular among tourists. However, not all South Koreans are willing to eat it, including me!
"Aish, that's so cheating."
I held back my laughter; afraid the people at home would find out I was still up this late. “Speaking of which, why is Suho so nice?” I asked, confused. “That’s unusual.”
"Take a guess."
“I give up, this is a tough question.” My brow furrowed. “Did he roll another 2?” I guessed. Trying to count how many 2s the guy had rolled in his lifetime.
He clicked his tongue, then said proudly,“Don't be insulting, but tonight Suho scored another point.”
My smile faded. I should have known from the start where he was and what he was doing. The disappointment gripped me even further when that wide smile was clearly etched beautifully across his face. Well, I'm just that stupid, aren't I? "First place?" I responded disinterestedly. "Wow, congratulations."
He laughed again. I made sure the recording mode was still on.
“Wrong, guess again.”
“Third place?” I said incredulously. “If that’s true, that would be a new achievement worthy of ridicule.”
“The number before the number 1.”
I frowned again, completely confused by the content of this conversation I was starting to dislike. Could I just end it here?
“I give youclue.”
Some unfamiliar voices I heard calling my boyfriend's name sounded familiar, I know his friends as well as he knows mine, so it definitely wasn't them.
“Nol?”
He laughed again. I gripped my phone tightly, my stomach churning and my head growing heavier, feeling like it had been hit with a metal bar repeatedly.
"He said he's leaving the gang. His parents are forcing him to continue his studies in England, and he's leaving tomorrow. His parents gave him money to treat us all as a farewell. Tsk, you should have come along, but unfortunately you had things to do—"
"When will you stop?" I interrupted, completely oblivious to what came out of my mouth. The pain was overwhelming. Even if he asked me to break up, I would probably foolishly say yes without thinking. Well, even though I regretted it afterward, he didn't respond to my words.
I bit my lip nervously. My fingers clenched the blanket to contain my anxiety. I was scared. I shouldn't have asked that stupid question again, it was already the umpteenth time.
I glanced around; it was dark. I swallowed hard when I saw the window, which wasn't fully closed. There, the man his wife had yelled at earlier was staring intently at my room. I quickly threw my phone away and got out of bed, quickly closing the curtains, and sat back down on the mattress.
I checked the phone line and it was still connected. “Chan—”
"Kim Jongdae."
I was silent, his tone of voice changed.
“How many times have we talked about this?”
I can't answer that. I never wrote it down! What's clear is that almost every time I get a chance like this, I always ask him, when will he stop? I don't like it, honestly, I don't like it. Let people call me selfish, the main thing is, I really don't like what he does, even if it makes him happy.
“Ah, never mind—”
“Wait!” I snapped, cutting him off; afraid that Chanyeol would hang up.
I stood up straight, my heart racing. “Please forgive me for what I said earlier, okay?” For the umpteenth time. I begged. “Just forget about my unimportant words.” Still no comment from him. “Tomorrow is Saturday and I have the day off.” I explained my original purpose for calling him. “Can we meet? At the usual place, there’s something important I want to tell you.” His facial expression remained unchanged; flat. “Just a moment, there’s something important you need to know.”
A sigh was heard from the other side.“Very much.”
Not long after, the connection was cut off. Yet, I still had so much longing that hadn't been fully repaid.
I immediately threw the phone anywhere without any interest. I lay down, trying to close my eyes with the sound of my stomach as a song to send me to sleep. It was hard, but in the end I fell asleep until morning.
I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep easily after this. My mind was busy trying to find the right words to say to Chanyeol tomorrow. "Will Chanyeol hate me?"
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“Cappuccino 1.”
“Okay, please wait a moment.”
I nodded, hiding my palms behind my cardigan-lined jacket. I glanced around, searching for a place to sit. I sighed in disappointment when I realized the park bench was far from where I was.
My head popped open to see the cafe car preparing my order, several people behind me were also queuing. Korea's National Parks would always be crowded every weekend, parents in South Korea would make the most of their vacation time with their families, especially their children, by taking them on outings like to amusement parks or other recreational places. Seeing that made me miss my childhood when my parents were like the parents I was seeing. Suddenly I thought about what would happen if I also had my own children? My stomach would definitely be filled with only rice and noodles, not those little creatures they said were called babies.
I sighed again for the umpteenth time this afternoon. The little family taking a photo next to me reminded me of my parents when I was little. It was the best time I'll never forget, because it only happens once. It's a shame, actually, that I always used to beg them to come home—
“Oh Jongdae?”
My body stiffened when a cold hand touched my neck. I reflexively turned around. My brow furrowed as I saw the figure currently smiling broadly in front of me.
"My name is Kim Jongdae if you have amnesia," I retorted angrily. People who like to change other people's surnames at will don't deserve respect, you know!
“So you’re that YouTuber Jongdae? Is this YouTuber currently listening to the song Amnesia by soloist KAI?” Sehun touchedairphonewhich I was wearing. I reflexively moved his hand away from my ear. Tch, that guy who resembles a living corpse, I mean a vampire, is he talking about Bandung Oppa? I tried watching his video because we have the same name, but he's Korean and doesn't speak Korean, so I didn't follow him, because I didn't understand the language he was using.
“Ugh, what are you talking about?” I was annoyed. This man in front of me was annoying. “If you’re just going to be a nuisance, you should go away, hush, hush, hush!” I waved my hand away.
“Here is your cappuccino.”
I turned to accept my drink. I handed him a won note before saying, "Thank you very much." Then I left the place, not caring that Sehun was walking beside me.
“Making an appointment, huh?” Sehun asked curiously.
I just nodded. His voice was still faintly audible between my eardrums as I listened to the song.Staybelongs to EXO.
"Aish, what a pity."
I looked for a seat under a shady tree, it was so comfortable here, I should have brought a book earlier, but maybe this time I should have just read a novel on Wattpad. This was the best spot to watch other visitors pass by. I glanced at Sehun who took a seat next to me. "Why are you sitting here?" I was confused, not accepting it, but Sehun should have been aware that I was pushing him away.
"Can't, huh?"
“Yeah, no way.” I put down my cappuccino. “Go away.” My words were harsh, though. But who cares?
"I actually wanted to accompany you, you know? Instead of sitting alone like this, many people would be jealous if they saw you sitting with a handsome man like me," Sehun said confidently.
I didn't want to argue with him, even though I could have. He was handsome, sure, but I didn't care. Physical appearance is temporary. "In 20 years, you'll be old and ugly—YES! This hurts, Oh Sehun!" I was furious! Sehun pinched my waist! He even laughed without the slightest trace of guilt! "I'll report you to the authorities!" I wasn't threatening!
My face heated up. Sehun laughed so hard his eyes turned into crescents. “Your face looks like a boiled crab! Are you embarrassed? Embarrassment is a sign of liking me, you know.”
“No! There’s no such thing!” I grabbed my cappuccino and stood up. “It’s so hot this afternoon,” yes, that was the truth, “I’m hot.” This was a bit of an exaggeration as I stood up and flicked my collar while staring ahead at the people.
“Okay, okay.” Sehun controlled his laughter until it disappeared, though the wide smile remained. “By the way, who are you planning on meeting? I mean, some types of meetings don’t allow anyone else to join, while the general type allows anyone to join.” I swallowed as Sehun stared intently at my face. “So, can I join?”
“No!” I didn’t mean to yell at him. “Sorry, but I have something important to discuss with someone.”
“What’s so important that you won’t let your cousin join?” Sehun, why are you investigating me like this?
I sighed. Taking a long sip of my coffee. Oh Sehun and his annoying curiosity!
“You mean you want to meet that brat Chanyeol?” Sehun guessed right.
It gave me a little chill. I nodded in agreement and, a little reluctantly, said, “Yes.”
Sehun confused me again when he put his arm around my shoulders. His face was so close to mine, I could even feel his breath and heartbeat.
Sehun turned my body and guided my face to a man who was standing straight 1 meter from where I was standing with his index finger.
"That's the badass Chanyeol."
My eyes widened.
“He was clenching his fists with an angry expression. Looks like he just lost another race.”
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I couldn't meet Chanyeol because of that insolent cousin! I stomped my feet in frustration. I looked around, where people were already starting to leave. I noticed my shadow was almost gone. The park lights were starting to come on one by one, while my heart was still irritated that Chanyeol couldn't be reached.
“I’m going to kill him!” My fists clenched. It would be an honor to kill that Oh Sehun! Never mind, he’s my cousin. Sehun kissed my cheek and Chanyeol misunderstood and got angry and left me. If we break up, it’s all Sehun’s fault!
Sehun is so naughty! I hate him!
I picked up my phone when Xiumin called. “Is Chanyeol there?” I blurted out, forgetting my manners.
My heart skipped a beat when I heard the sound of motorcycles crashing into each other. Sure enough, Chanyeol was there.
"He is here,"Xiumin answered,“but my advice is you better not come here, I will put it in fine for you.”
I shook my head even though I knew he wouldn't see it. “Thanks for the information, Xiumin.”Hyung.” I put the flat, rectangular object into my pants pocket as my eyes were busy tracing the increasingly dark road. “I will finish everything today.” I was determined!
I waited for a while at the bus stop—along with several other people who were also waiting. All I did was swing my legs, looking bored. I immediately looked up when the bus arrived. I got in line and chose a seat by the window.
I looked out the bus. The afternoon had passed so quickly, and now the earth was once again enveloped in darkness, and the moon wasn't shining so brightly tonight. I glanced to the side when I felt someone take the seat next to me. It was an old man with a few gray hairs, his face stern and his eyebrows drawn downwards.
“Is there a problem, son?”
My eyes widened. I smiled awkwardly and looked down. “No—ah, forgive me for my rudeness.” I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly.
"Basically, kids these days."
My ears were buzzing with heat, my head was a little dizzy, and the corners of my eyes kept trying to glance at the figure beside me who was currently trying to close his eyes.
I sighed as the Seoul police station building passed, which meant waiting for the bus to reach the next stop, walking north, and... and where to from here?
I ran a rough hand through my hair. I had no idea where to go. Should I try to coax Xiumin into picking me up?
“What are you thinking about?”
I turned around. Then I shook my head. “Nothing.”
"Aish, you little cheater."
I forced a smile. “Thank you for your concern, sir.”
“I'm not that old yet.”
“Sorry.” We were silent. Enjoying the roar of the bus in silence.
“I was once young like you.”
I didn't answer, afraid of saying the wrong thing again.
"Times where I often made many mistakes that I now regret, times where I took the wrong steps."
I dared to look at him. He sighed.
"If time machines really existed, 99% of people in the world would use them to change their decisions in the past."
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Like a twinge of regret that gripped me at the beginning, I still thought about the words of the person on the bus. Not entirely at the beginning; so much had already happened to me. And I understood that the time machine was just a hoax.
“I should have listened to Xiumin's words Hyung.” My body was stiff but miraculously also weak when I saw with my own eyes Chanyeol making out with someone else in an open place where many people I knew well were present. My body also went weak when I saw Xiumin looking at me guiltily on the other end.
They all know.
But as if pretending to be blind and deaf.
Then how do I feel?
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