The end of tuning is Jeongguk

01

The end of tuning is Jeongguk

@Mipil

01

The month spent going through the divorce process, which was considerably more complicated than I'd expected, was no more significant than preparing for the wedding. After deciding to divorce Jeon Jungkook... my current ex-husband, I only saw him twice during our two-year marriage, which was hardly a short time, after we'd finished packing up our newlywed home. The divorce progressed even more quickly because Jeon Jungkook and I didn't have any children.

Ah, the reason for my divorce from Jeon Jungkook was simply a clash of values. (This is just my guess.) Unlike me, who came to Seoul alone from Busan and had a long and difficult time in Seoul, Jeon Jungkook grew up in a well-off family environment with parents who ran a big business in Seoul. That was the biggest difference between us as people. Anyway, Jeon Jungkook, who grew up like that, always showed his affection for me by buying me things and doing things for me since we started seeing each other in our second year of college. However, I knew better than anyone that Jeon Jungkook's actions were his only way of expressing his affection, and I hated it. More than anything, I started to doubt myself, thinking that I had become a nobody. That was the reason.

Jeon Jungkook and I met when I was 21 and dated until I was around 25. At 25, or more precisely, around the time we were approaching 26, I finally finished the lengthy wedding preparations and married him. Two years after we'd moved in together, Jeon Jungkook simply handed me the papers and said, "Let's get a divorce." Those were probably the most absurd and cruel words I'd ever heard. After receiving his divorce notice, the only reason I could think of was that he cheated on me. It was when I was away on a training trip. I'm convinced Jeon Jungkook found another woman while I was gone. Anyway, his unilateral decision led to our divorce at the ripe old age of 28.

"Lee Joo-ya."

"uh?"

"...Just. I'm sorry."

"ah..."

I don't remember the exact conversation I had with Jeon Jungkook, when I couldn't say anything and just nodded in response to his apology, but it was probably the last time we had together, about a year ago. After neatly completing the final divorce proceedings, I was depressed. There's no word more appropriate than depressed. The short, unemotional conversation I had with him one last time, which I didn't particularly want to have, ended up making me cry like a fool in the taxi on the way home. Perhaps when he unilaterally notified me of the divorce, the whole "divorce" thing hadn't really sunk in, but thinking of it as my last conversation with Jeon Jungkook must have made my heart ache. Even though I spent a whopping eight years of my life with him... After the divorce, Jeon Jungkook was just a target for abuse, and even now, he's never been a good person. I still hate Jeon Jungkook like crazy and hold him in endless resentment.

I still wonder if the 8 years we shared with Jeon Jungkook were that easy for him... I still wonder that to myself.

02

"Hey, Lee Joo-ya, what should I do? I'm in a situation where it's a bit difficult for me to go right now...

"Oh, okay. But it's getting late, so I think I should go home..."

- I'll ask you just for today, just for today! Thank you, Lee Joo-ya!

Hey there! Tititi-

The conversation was cut off abruptly. What with being busy, I already caught her drinking with friends once, so how dare I fool you? A few days ago, my finances were really tight, so I started working part-time at a convenience store a little far away from my neighborhood. But then, my next part-time job turned out to be some crazy bitch. She kept putting off work for me, saying things like she was busy or something, like she had to go to her parents' house right now. This had been going on for about a week, and I was starting to get really annoyed. Anger boiled inside, and I almost yelled, but I suppressed it and grabbed my long hair. It was a way to regain my composure. Perhaps she sensed I was trying to tell her that today was truly not an option, because she hung up on me without permission, making my own voice echo in an incredibly embarrassing way.

I have a tendency to hold grudges, so even though it felt like a while since the call was abruptly cut off, I felt my blood rushing to my stomach. On top of that, I was tired from my late-night part-time job, and my main job, advertising work, was also my money-making job (...). My wrist, which had been a problem for several years, was still dangling no matter how tightly I wrapped it with a wristband, and it seemed like it would fall off any moment. If I keep this up, will I be in my thirties and have to work part-time? I absentmindedly took out a wristband from near the register, paid for it, and re-secured my wrist. Then, at the loud jingling of a bell, I tried to hide my gloom and greeted the customer with something like, "Welcome~"

"I'll calculate it."

The man with the black hat pulled down to his nose, who had nodded at my mechanical greeting as he opened the door and came in, strode briskly toward the checkout counter in an instant and placed a couple of condoms on the counter. Of course, there was nothing strange about his behavior..., but most of the people who bought these during my part-time job would brush the back of their hair again or try to hide it as if embarrassed. I was the first to see him so confident, so I was embarrassed. (The harm of bad education.) Perhaps because winter was just around the corner, the sky that had been colorful just a moment ago had quickly turned pitch black. As I checked out, I quickly looked outside and met the man's eyes, who had peeked out for no reason. My face felt flushed.

"Oh, and... Could I have a Marlboro Gold too?"

"Ah, yes! The total is 8,500 won."

After hearing the price, the man who had been groping in his pockets quickly took out his wallet. Oh... I've seen this wallet somewhere. The wallet the man took out had a familiar design. It was so familiar that I thought, "Huh?" for a moment. But anyway, I'm a convenience store part-timer right now..., so I bit my tongue lightly so that my mind wouldn't wander, just enough so that it didn't hurt, and handed him the card. As I was paying with the card, the man held the condom slung over his left hand and roughly stuffed the pack of cigarettes into his hoodie pocket. Payment complete! Goodbye~ As soon as I handed him the card, the man grabbed the tip of his cap and roughly bowed his head in greeting. He then turned to leave the convenience store with the condom that was precariously dangling from his hand in his hand.

Um, it's Friday again... Oh my. The guy's got a nice body. Ah, what am I thinking about someone who looks like he has a girlfriend! I felt so pathetic for thinking such things after barely seeing the back of the man who was about to turn and leave. I guess I really am lonely. Well, after breaking up with Jeon Jungkook, I've been living a crazy life trying to make money, so it makes sense... Wait a minute, huh? I don't know when my thoughts turned to a gloomy side again, but anyway, for a split second, the person I saw outside the transparent convenience store door was a high school student who, to anyone who saw it, looked like a high school student. The moment I became aware of the man's gaze fixed on the girl, I reached out and grabbed the man as if possessed.

"Hey! Customer!"

"...yes?"

"Uh...uh..."

Uh... so... that's.......

I was so embarrassed that I blurted out the words without thinking. The man, who had just lifted his black hat, which was pulled down just enough so that his nose was barely visible, looked back out the window, following my gaze, as if he found it strange that he kept looking out the window even though I was talking to him. A brief silence followed. What should I do! Should I apologize... Oh, it's my mouth, it's my mouth!! (ㅠㅠ) It wasn't a long silence, but it was quite awkward, and a thousand thoughts raced through my head. Did I do something wrong to the customer? Did I just meddle?nowIt's not what you think.The man suddenly looked back in surprise as he was about to apologize, wanting to quickly settle the situation, as his sore wrist, which had been stretched out in a hurry, began to ache.

"...I bought it because you asked me to."

......Wow, they really look alike.

The man, who had lifted his hat as if he was frustrated, quickly took it off and quickly put on the one hanging from his hoodie. The facial features that were briefly visible during that gap... oh my, they looked a lot like Jeon Jungkook. Foolish Ahn Yi-ju (herself) still has no choice but to memorize every single one of Jeon Jungkook's features, without exception. If only I had known how foolish I was, that whenever I met someone who even remotely resembled Jeon Jungkook, I would have pushed my face in just to get a better look. Even in this situation, it was funny how I thought of my ex-husband's face before responding to the customer. Gloomyness washed over me like a wave at the thought of Jeon Jungkook always making me miserable, so I quickly put my thoughts aside and raised my head with the intention of looking straight at his face, which had briefly taken off its mask when I lowered my head.

".....ah"

It's Jeon Jungkook.

It was clear.

Even though it had been almost a year since we last saw each other, the moment our eyes met, I was certain that he was Jeon Jungkook. The familiar scent of perfume that briefly hit me when I handed him the card, the wallet that felt somehow familiar... all pointed to him as Jeon Jungkook. When I realized it was Jeon Jungkook, I immediately lowered my eyes. Did Jeon Jungkook even recognize me? My drooping head felt infinitely smaller. I had clearly lived resenting him for over a year, and I hated Jeon Jungkook. But why did I...

Just having this person in front of me makes my heart pound.

"...Ah, that... I'm sorry...! I held you back for no reason.."

".....no."

No, he barely managed to utter that cold word, then seemed flustered for a moment before turning around and walking out of the convenience store. Ah, I'm having a hard time even at this moment because of you, but you... You've completely forgotten me and are living well. I see. Thinking that I've been such a fool all this time, I just banged my forehead on the counter and cried while making all sorts of obscene noises. After the divorce, I thought that I had definitely forgotten him and cleaned things up... but when I actually saw Jeon Jungkook in front of me, my vision blurred and everything went black in an instant. Jeon Jungkook, who had said that he loved and liked only me for 8 years, didn't recognize me even though we had only met for a year.

"...trash."

I frantically wiped away the mucus, tears, and other secretions flowing out of the orifices on my face until the band around my right wrist, which had been so tightly wrapped that it was almost like a rock, became limp, while cursing at Jeon Jungkook. It was lucky that the only customers coming in late at night were people too drunk to speak properly... If they had been sane customers like Jeon Jungkook just now, they might have written on the internet, "What should I do about this crazy woman crying at the convenience store counter?" or they might have recorded me crying and uploaded it. That means that even an hour after Jeon Jungkook left the convenience store, I cried until my eyes were swollen, oblivious to the passage of time.

"I slept a lot today."

Jeon Jungkook always makes me feel stupid.

03

"Sister...?"

"......omg!"

What is this? I felt as if someone was gently patting my back, and when I barely managed to pull myself together from a daze and lift my face from where I had slumped against the counter... the high school part-timer, whom I didn't get to see often because it was my next-next-next time slot, was looking at me with worried eyes. Wow... Did I just cry and fall asleep? This is so awful, so awful. (...) I felt awkward looking straight at a kid who was as young as my daughter with my eyes swollen shut, so I quickly put on the glasses I always carry around just in case.

"I'm sorry...ㅠㅠ"

"I'll take over! Go in and rest!"

Angel baby.. Thank you (ㅠㅠ) I felt bad for the child who was wearing a school uniform, wondering if he was going to go straight to school after finishing his part-time job at this time... But it was still quite dark, whether it was morning or dawn, and he couldn't sleep well, so he felt like his body was starting to hurt, so I helped him with the handover, gave him a chocolate bar, and quickly left the convenience store. While I was buying him chocolate, I also grabbed two triangle kimbap that I often used to eat before to have a quick breakfast. I was going to walk straight home after leaving the convenience store, but it was still chilly for morning, so I stopped and searched my pockets to call a taxi.

"Ugh, it's cold.."

I tried to take out my phone, but my hand went numb, so I held it in my pocket for a moment. It was definitely not cold enough for short sleeves yesterday, so I left the house in a hurry and came out in just a short sleeve shirt and shorts, but I felt like I'd be freezing to the bone at any moment. It was the kind of weather where you could blow air and steam would just come out. "Wow, there aren't any taxis around? It's morning?" I squinted and checked the time, but oh no, it was only 3 a.m. Did that high school student just come to work after studying? Despite the chilly weather, I was still half-asleep and confused, so I must have been fast asleep. After confirming that it was dawn, I looked around and the eerie atmosphere made me panic, unable to hide my confusion. I quickly took out my phone.

"Do you usually work this late?"

"...?"

who...,

I don't know how long it had been there, but a familiar voice suddenly came from behind me, startling me. When I tried to suppress my surprise and turned my gaze back... I couldn't hide my embarrassment for a moment, and my legs almost gave out. Jeon Jungkook, whom I had awkwardly met hours ago, was calmly looking down at me with eyes that I couldn't understand. It was truly absurd. What it meant was that, to the point where I regretted the time I had resented for a year, I unconsciously felt at ease if I met Jeon Jungkook's eyes for even a moment.

"...It's late.."

Jeon Jungkook's eyes, which had seemed emotionless, seemed to want an answer, or was it just me? Either way, that's how it was. As I continued to look at Jeon Jungkook, I felt like the words would just blurt out without thinking, so I forced them out. Jeon Jungkook was the first to close his mouth, which had opened after hearing what I said. Now, standing in front of Jeon Jungkook, just the smell of perfume made my nose tingle, so I quickly turned off my phone and quickly turned around. If I cried in front of my ex-husband, I knew I'd look like a woman who was too attached. At that timefor a moment,It was Jeon Jungkook who grabbed her right wrist first before grabbing her throbbing wrist with his left hand with a short, single word.

"....because it's late."

"..."

"...It's late, so I'll give you a ride."

Was that shiny, clowny car behind me Jeon Jungkook's? He grabbed my wrist quite roughly, but after looking at the band on my wrist, he carefully let go of my arm, crossed his arms, and glared at the car behind him as he spoke. I almost burst into tears at the sight of his pitiful gaze, wondering how much I had missed him, so I swallowed hard and quickly turned around. I think I'd be a really miserable person if I got into that car. As you can see, Jeon Jungkook might be showing this kindness because he feels sorry for me, working part-time. I don't know the other reason.

"Lee Joo-ya."

"..."

"Let's just go together. It's late at night. ...The house is far."

The real irony was that Jeon Jungkook still remembered my old studio apartment. He didn't know how I'd move back in after my divorce, and he wasn't an expert on me. I tried to shake my head, not knowing why Jeon Jungkook was showing me such kindness, but the thought of whether I'd be able to catch a cab right away or in two or three hours would cross my mind, and I'd stumble back to where I started. I stood there dumbfounded for a while before deciding to get a ride. As soon as I made that decision, I snatched the car keys from Jeon Jungkook's left hand and climbed into the car.

So full of confidence, I got into Jeon Jungkook's car... but it all fell apart the moment I spotted Jeon Jungkook walking towards the car with one corner of his mouth raised. To put it simply, it was a series of embarrassing moments. When Jeon Jungkook flung open the closed car door and got into the driver's seat, the scent of his beloved perfume quickly left traces all over the car. After a year, there should have been a lot of changes, but seeing him with his wallet, clothes, perfume, shoes—everything the same—I was filled with curiosity again. I wondered if he had always been this unwavering. The mere fact that Jeon Jungkook was sitting next to me made me feel ashamed and about to lower my head, but Jeon Jungkook, who had been holding the steering wheel and staring blankly ahead, glanced at me and said.

"...Since when has your wrist been like that?"

Of all questions to be asked in this awkward atmosphere... Was it about wrists? Jeon Jungkook really still didn't know. I had secretly worked on advertisements while living in the same house as him, so my right wrist had been damaged at least three years ago. I thought he was just pretending not to know, but I felt bad for him back then and almost blurted out my answer without any filter. Jeon Jungkook just took me home... It's not like I wanted to take care of him like before. Just being in the same space as him made me realize that my old habits would sometimes pop out, so I bit my lip that had been sticking out.

"You don't have to worry about it."

"Okay... then."

As if expecting an answer, Jeon Jungkook's eyes became empty as he turned the steering wheel to the right. After Jeon Jungkook answered one after another, there was no other word exchanged between them, so they stopped looking out the window first. It was usually an 8 to 10 minute taxi ride, but the traffic was so bad for the early morning that it was driving them crazy. Jeon Jungkook seemed to be feeling the same way as well, as he roughly ran one hand through his hair. His throat was parched... and his heart was pounding loudly as if to make its presence known. It seemed to be because of the bang bang- sounds echoing here and there.

"Hmm, hmm!"

Oh my god... This is so embarrassing! (...) My throat was tightening, so I just tried to loosen it up, but the sound ended up being louder than I thought. I wouldn't have noticed if Jeon Jungkook was driving, but it was even more embarrassing because it happened while the car was practically stopped on the road..., Even worse, as soon as I made a noise, he rustled around in the backseat as if he was trying to pretend not to notice, so the silence felt even longer. It was even more embarrassing because it seemed like I only ever showed embarrassing appearances in front of him after a year of seeing him. I knew my face must have turned red, so I slowly lowered my head. I thought I should finally breathe a little.

"Drink."

"...uh?"

"My throat has been sore since a while ago."

It was Jeon Jungkook who put a rather cold water bottle on my cheek as I lowered my head without even looking at him. When I looked up, I saw that he looked a little awkward, and when I looked again, his arm was twisted as if he had hurriedly retrieved it from the backseat. He shook the water bottle gently, although not to the point of being frantic, when I didn't hurry up and take it, asking if I was thirsty. After confirming that the light was about to change and the cars in front of me were starting to move one by one, I was about to quickly take the water bottle from him, but something caught my eye... One. Jeon Jungkook's left ring finger was still connected to me.wedding ringHe was taking up space as if he were telling me to go. For a moment, I forgot to even accept the water bottle I was supposed to be handing him, and my breathing felt so suffocated. Why, why are you still... with that ring? It was something I couldn't understand. Who was it that, after stepping on all the divorce papers with me, disappeared without a trace, as if he had no regrets? You were the one who abandoned me first... Why, you still haven't thrown away that ring?

Somehow I pulled myself together and took the water bottle he was precariously holding. It had only been a short while since I had shaken off my gloomy thoughts, but my nose started to sting again and small tears welled up in my eyes. I shouldn't be crying, but now... Even if it wasn't in front of him, my ex-husband was right next to me. Crying over a wedding ring was embarrassing and made me look like a fool. (I was already starting to feel foolish.) If I blinked even once, I felt like tears would fall down, so I quickly opened the water bottle I was holding and gulped it down, using it as an excuse to dry my tears.

"Keep on, keep on going!"

"It's okay if I don't..."

Gulp. It was literally 'gulp gulp'. Not only did I gulp down the water, but I also heard my coughing, as if I needed to blow away the house to be satisfied. Perhaps he was worried when he heard me, and Jeon Jungkook grabbed my chin with his right hand in a hurry. I was already trying hard not to cry, but as soon as our eyes met at a fairly close distance, a few tears that had been dangling and holding back fell. Grabbing my chin was also an old habit of Jeon Jungkook's. His hand was gentle enough that I didn't need to feel sorry, but as soon as it met my tears, he seemed quite surprised and even the strength he had in his hand quickly disappeared.

"that,"

"You're my driver now."

"..."

"So... please, let's go without saying anything."

When Jeon Jungkook avoided our shared gaze, tears streamed down my face like a faucet had been turned off. In that state, I had even tried to suppress my emotions and rationally confront him, even with my trembling voice. After I finished speaking, he remained silent and just stroked the steering wheel, and I, too, stared out the window. It seemed like the first time in all our years of dating that I had cried in front of my ex-husband, and in such close quarters... That was the most shocking part. We thought we knew each other better than anyone else, but it turns out we were just too familiar with each other in the past, not that we really knew each other. It made me think deeply about many things.

04

The awkwardness of the world was shared between the two of them, and at the same time, the behavior of the studio apartment began to show. It was a welcome sound. If I were in the same space as this person right now, I might unknowingly ask him about my activities. From Jeon Jungkook's perspective, there seemed to be no place to park near the studio, so the car slowly came to a stop in front of the building. With a creaking sound, the door seemed to swing open. He hesitated for a moment, but since his priority was to avoid him and escape to his home, he opened the car door without looking back and hurried with large strides.

"Be careful on your way home."

"...."

"From now on, don't be like this... and don't come out late."

Jeon Jungkook, who got out of the car following me, kept nagging me in a deep voice. I wondered why it was so hard for him to meet my eyes, but he just stared at the floor and twirled his left ankle. It had been so long since I heard him nagging me... Strangely, the image of me dating him in college overlapped so much with the Jeon Jungkook I briefly met today, and my heart tightened and ached. It seemed like his habit of crossing his legs and twirling his ankles like a helpless puppy whenever he was nervous or anxious still remained.

"It's none of my business."

It wasn't something I wanted to say to him. I was embarrassed that I was shedding tears in front of him and that he was making a fuss because he still had feelings for my ex-husband who cheated on me when I was 30 (I guess), and I automatically started talking childishly....Yeah, that's true.Although he didn't mean it sincerely, it was a somewhat rational statement, so Jeon Jungkook seemed to have internally accepted it. Jeon Jungkook nodded, indicating understanding, then opened the driver's door a bit aggressively, his mouth gaping open.

"Take care, Lee Joo-ya."

His eyes, filled with something, were enough to make the night's existence unwavering.

★

Originally published

https://ialways-2.postype.com