osmanthus, ashtray
.
“…”
After the man who had referred to me as Kim Tae-soo's younger brother left, Ji-ha sat in the corner of that cramped, single room and thought about Kim Tae-soo. The Kim Tae-soo who had clearly been fine. The two of them who had loved each other, dreaming of a normal future. The mornings they'd wake up together, bathed in the dazzling sunlight. And the man who had finally fallen apart.
Jiha slowly stroked her belly, which felt no different from before. He pondered the meaning of that fleeting existence. And he shed a few tears of mourning. With a promise to never think of her again.
No matter how or when he died
I hope you go to hell.
.
A week later,
“President Park wants to meet you.”
“Who? Me?”
The sunset drifting past the car window. And below, a woman running along the river. The car slowly rolls along behind her. Inside, a man rests his chin on his hand and gazes at the woman with interest. He seems unmoved by Jaehyun's words. He simply gazes at the woman.
“Is it okay to run like that?”
“…”
“…”
“I heard you’re not single.”
"therefore."
The woman had stopped, catching her breath. The car, which had been following her footsteps, also slowed down. Taehyung's gaze doggedly followed her. The sweat dripping down her chin, the clinging hair, the damp neckline... things like that. Did she still have no intention of leaving that musty, reeked basement?
“…I wonder if it might be possible.”
"what?"
“Mr. Ahn Ji-ha.”
“What is An Ji-ha?”
“I don’t want children.”
.
Taehyung is the leader of a shady organization. He's a gangster, a sort of thug, known colloquially as someone with a history of bloodshed. Taesu, influenced by his father, was also involved in the same business. He and Taehyung only met a few times to sign business contracts, and they rarely met beyond the requisite. Aside from the occasional exchange of greetings (which Taesu unilaterally agreed to), they never touched each other's company, except for things that benefited both parties.
A variable arose in their relationship. Ever since Tae-soo met Ji-ha, he'd been reaching out to Tae-hyung more than necessary. Tae-soo, who wasn't a pleasant presence to begin with, had grown increasingly dependent on him, even interfering with his work. He'd even harassed Tae-hyung, threatening him with matters that should have been kept quiet. Unable to stand idly by and watch his position be shaken, not once, but repeatedly, Tae-hyung finally made up his mind: to eliminate Tae-soo.
To secretly dispose of my brother with a fitting death, a preliminary investigation was necessary. During that process, I learned that Kim Tae-soo had been living with a woman and that they had been seeing each other for quite some time. But the woman he was seeing was a bit strange. Perhaps not just a little, but quite a bit. The skin visible beneath her sleeves was bruised and blue, never fading. She looked unusually withered for her age, and sometimes her hair was cut in patches, making her look unsightly. She was often seen leaving the house. Anyone could have guessed they were related. Kim Tae-soo and Ahn Ji-ha.
.
Two days ago,
Taehyung recalled the relationship between Taesu and Jiha, even contemplating the child they had together. When he visited Jiha, Taehyung was confused by her question about whether she could even handle her own child. It couldn't have been a child cherished out of love. Did she still love Kim Taesu? And that's why she insisted on taking the child with her? He pondered these pointless thoughts.
“It’s 9 o’clock tonight.”
“…”
“Let’s kill all the kids who got caught smuggling.”
“…”
"…president?"
“That’s right. But.”
“What a blessing that kid has, really.”
.
And now again,
“You’re here again.”
“I have to come. To pick up my sister-in-law.”
Taehyung, who had been quietly observing the basement, finally got out of the car and approached her, buttoning up the undone button below his neck. He didn't forget to adjust his tie either. It was a gesture of politeness. It was the moment when the true value of his three-piece suit finally came to light. The tight fit of the suit seemed to have the power to make even passersby turn around.
Jiha simply stared indifferently at Taehyung, who stepped out of an expensive-looking sedan and slowly walked toward him. Jiha, deeply displeased with Taehyung's promise to take Taesoo's place, had no intention of responding kindly. "You have nothing to lose," he thought. "Whether you killed Kim Taesoo, were involved in his death, or even had nothing to do with it, you weren't afraid."
"I guess you've made up your mind. How?"
"If you're talking about the little girl,"
”…“
“I’m ready now.”
“…”
A bead of sweat barely formed beneath the woman's chin and dripped down. At that moment, Taehyung said he saw a look bordering on contempt in Jiha's eyes. But, Miss.
“Do you really want that child?”
The man whispered to me, as if he knew something. His voice was quite unpleasant. It felt like I'd given away even the smallest secret to him right in front of me, and I felt a sense of emptiness. What if he knew I wanted to erase this child, and I ended up playing into his hands instead?
I didn't respond. I didn't want to match his smile. I just stared up at him, his eyes slightly higher than mine.
“I will help you.”
”…“
"If you want, I'll be happy to take that child in too."
”…“
"Even if you don't want to"
“…“
"I can help with that too."
The woman's eyes visibly shook. A trickle of blood slowly appeared on the whites of her eyes as she gazed at me. Then, a clear liquid pooled beneath. The ripples, almost as if they were about to fall, momentarily distracted me.
“That’s so easy to say,”
“…”
“That would be nice.”
“…”
“…I am.”
I hate this kid so much I want to erase him right away, but when I think about him being my own child, the very thought of wanting to erase him turns into guilt, and I suffer all day. I hate that brat named Kim Tae-soo, and it feels like hell, giving me the justification to hate my own child. I want to hold him close, but I can't possibly accept that Kim Tae-soo, so I despair every single day.
“But you can’t erase it.”
I'm so overweight, and I have no money, so I don't even have a choice not to have children. How can you trust me and help me?
Jiha cried out to Taehyung, his voice almost wailing. The clear liquid that had been lapping at the corners of his eyes dripped down his cheeks repeatedly. Taehyung quietly accepted the despair mixed with the scream, staring into Jiha's eyes the entire time.
Finally, Jiha, who had been supporting some weight, lost her strength and collapsed. Taehyung's gaze, unable to hold her eyes in his field of vision any longer, turned to her head, drooping in despair. He didn't say a word, but he wished she'd rise again, lashing out at me with a voice filled with malice. Instead of collapsing like this, he wished she'd look into his eyes with those bloodshot eyes.
As Taehyung scanned every delicate detail that made up her body, he thought to himself, "I should have cut off Kim Taesoo's lifeline in a more brutal and painful way." Contrary to that thought, he remembered the humidity of the day he finally killed her in a different, more clean way, and felt a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.
“…Can’t love do it?”
Jiha finally raised her head and looked up at him, her face stained with sweat or tears, making it hard to tell. For the moment, she seemed unable to understand what he was saying.
“…”
“I’ll gladly accept it.”
”…“
"I will love you."
”…“
"So, just hang in there in hell."
Those were the words Taehyung spat out without a moment's hesitation, seeing the woman's fragility, as if she might collapse at any moment. It was because he felt like if he just watched, she might die. Those eyes, sparkling beyond tears, seemed to have given up everything.
It was a man's declaration that he would gladly take Kim Tae-soo's place. It was a man's determination to endure the hell she endured. It was the arrogance of a man who, with a feeling that might have originated from pity, sympathy, or perhaps a senseless affection and attraction, decided to try love.
It was the beginning of autumn, when yellow magnolias were in bloom.