5 years ago, 5 years later

Ep.16 My Beloved Trauma

write. Uhwari

Five years ago I liked you so much

I was pure, naive, and easily hurt.

Despite being easily hurt, I gave everything I had to the person I loved. I would do anything, even risk it, in the name of love.

I liked everyone because I rarely got hurt.

Because of this personality, I became more easily discouraged and broke down.

I knew you and I knew your wounds, and you were my wounds and trauma.

The opposite of meeting is not parting, but abandonment.

I was abandoned by you, the one I loved the most

오전 2:00

이여주[19]

“Ugh.....”

The heroine blinked her eyes as if she had just woken up.

이여주[19]

“Where is this place..?”

이여주[19]

“Oh, right! I came out yesterday.”

Yeoju looked to her side. Subin was sitting with her arms crossed, nodding off.

It seemed like the female protagonist couldn't even enter the room because she was leaning on his shoulder.

이여주[19]

“Wow, why didn’t you wake him up?”

Yeo-ju gently made Soo-bin lie down on the table in front of the bench. Then, seeing that Soo-bin's outerwear was covering her, she covered Soo-bin again.

Yeoju rested her chin on her hand and only touched Soobin's hair.

이여주[19]

“Looking at it this way, it looks exactly the same as it did 5 years ago...”

Yeoju lay down next to Subin, looking at him, mumbling to herself.

Although Soobin had his eyes closed, Yeoju looked at him with a pleased smile.

Then, looking at Subin, he gently closed his eyes. If he closed his eyes like this, this moment would remain in his memory forever.

The heroine fell asleep again

오전 4:00

최수빈[19]

“......”

This time, Subin woke up with a start. Seeing Yeoju lying next to him, Subin laid back down, face down on the table, looking at Yeoju.

I stared at it intently.

Soobin felt that he was continuing to fall for the female lead.

I didn't want to like it. The moment I liked it again

My head hurt as memories of that time came back to me.

Soobin got up from the bench.

And he stroked the heroine's head once

최수빈[19]

"I'm sorry I'm so selfish, it's too hard for us to get closer."

Subin went back to his room, muttering to himself.

오전 6:00

선생님

“Hey! This lady!!”

The female protagonist woke up slightly annoyed at the teacher's shout.

이여주[19]

“Ah...what is it...”

선생님

“When did you get here?! Why are you here!!”

이여주[19]

“Huh? Ah... Subin...”

Yeo-ju looked to the side, but Subin had already gone in.

이여주[19]

“Huh? Where did you go..?”

선생님

"You come in quickly!! Get ready to go to school and write a reflection paper."

이여주[19]

“Ah... yes.....”

The female protagonist followed the teacher, scratching her head.

Yeoju looked around twice to find Subin.

At that moment, Subin came out to drink water.

이여주[19]

"hey!"

최수빈[19]

"why"

Subin's tone was cold.

이여주[19]

“Are you... angry?”

최수빈[19]

"no"

When Yeo-ju was flustered and said, "What are you doing?", Soo-bin came out to get some water, but went back to her room without even drinking it.

이여주[19]

“What? Is this the same person from yesterday?”

Anyone would have thought it was strange. Just yesterday, we were practically flirting, but now he's suddenly become cold, like a different person.

이여주[19]

“Are you a psycho..??”

이여주[19]

“I have no intention of filming something like I’m Psycho But It’s Okay Choi Soo-bin!”

Yeoju shouted at the room Soobin entered.

선생님

“Hey! The kids are all asleep. What’s wrong with you these days?!”

이여주[19]

“Ah! This is annoying!!”

The heroine messed up her hair, kicked the wall, and went to her room.

선생님

"The psycho is not Choi Soo-bin, it's you!! Oh my... They say it's even scarier when a kid who was good at studying goes crazy..."

The teacher shook his head.

“I have no intention of filming something like I’m Psycho But It’s Okay Choi Soo-bin!”

남학생

“Ah...what is it...it’s noisy...”

최수빈[19]

“........”

The male student in the same room as Subin covered his head with the blanket.

남학생

“Hey Choi Soo-bin, do something about your girlfriend!!”

최수빈[19]

"She's not my girlfriend"

남학생

“Oh really? But why are you always hanging around like this?”

최수빈[19]

“....... Be quiet, go to sleep”

남학생

“It’s rough...”

Subin couldn't sleep after entering the room and woke up with wide-eyed anticipation.

이여주[19]

“Oh, I’m tired.”

On the first day of the school trip, Subin accepted Yeoju to some extent.

On the second day, he suddenly started pushing the female lead away.

이여주[19]

“It was like that at the movie theater last time too...”

As each step got closer, the five steps seemed to move further away.

이여주[19]

“No, Subin might hate me, but it’s okay. Five years ago, he accepted me, the prickly me, and so why wouldn’t I?”

The heroine continued to try to think positively.

이여주[19]

“Did I say something wrong yesterday...”

But I couldn't help feeling anxious and worried.

The heroine didn't really care what other people thought, but she was only concerned about Subin's reaction.

이여주[19]

“....because I like it”

I never knew love alone could be this hard. I always said, "If unrequited love is hard, just give up," but there's no such thing as a resignation letter for unrequited love.

Love is so messy and miserable. There's not a single clean corner.

And yet, I am in love again, and I am miserable and pathetic.

이여주[19]

“I can’t help it.”

If you like it more, then you should criticize it.

이여주[19]

“Hello Choi Soo-bin.”

Yeoju spoke from behind Soobin who was sitting there.

최수빈[19]

“Oh my gosh, surprise!”

이여주[19]

"Hello"

Soobin said nothing. Yeoju suppressed her frustration.

이여주[19]

"Yeah, I didn't expect you to answer."

The heroine grumbled and sat down in her seat.

최수빈[19]

Why don't you notice when I push you away?

Maybe they noticed but are pretending not to know

I will push you away until you stop pretending not to know

I'm scared, you like me

I want to like you

이여주[19]

Choi Soo-bin, why are you ignoring me?

이여주[19]

"Huh? Are you mad at me or something? Tell me."

이여주[19]

"Are you hoarse? It's okay. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

Yeoju followed Soobin around and talked to her until school ended.

최수빈[19]

‘Isn’t this guy tired…’

여학생

5: “Hey, that guy? Hey, he’s really handsome...”

여학생

4: “What I’m saying is really crazy...”

I heard someone squealing behind me. The handsome man around here...

이여주[19]

Choi Soo-bin's

Choi Soo-bin also seemed to know that it was her.

최수빈[19]

"under...."

It seemed like a bother

이여주[19]

‘I know you’re secretly handsome’

Having seen Choi Soo-bin's ironclad ability(?) last time, the female lead ignored her and went her own way.

여학생

5: “Isn’t that your girlfriend next to you..? Why are you walking together like this?”

여학생

4: “Hey~ It’s obvious at first glance that it’s not happening. It looks like that girl is chasing after me instead of going together.”

이여주[19]

I can hear you all, you little shits.

I thought I'd fall apart if I ignored them, but the girls kept chasing me. It seemed like they were planning to talk to Soobin after Yeoju and Soobin fell apart.

여학생

5: “But the girl is pretty too... She kind of looks like my girlfriend.”

여학생

4: “Wow... that’s right.... Oh, is that really your girlfriend..?”

여학생

5: “What the.... As I was walking, only girls kept talking to me.”

여학생

4: “It’s just that the guy is blunt and they’re not dating..?”

Soobin suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. Then he turned back to the female students.

최수빈[19]

"what"

Subin spoke bluntly.

여학생

4: “Yes..? Ah...”

여학생

4: “Excuse me... Could you give me your number? I saw you in front of the school earlier, and you’re so handsome...”

The schoolgirl blushed shyly and handed over her phone.

여학생

4: “Ah..! Is that your girlfriend next to you..? If it’s your girlfriend, I’m sorry!!”

The heroine took a deep breath and wondered if she should listen to the sound of the squeak.

But the heroine's expectations were completely shone through.

Subin took the girl's phone and dialed her number.

이여주[19]

“Hey? Are you serious?”

최수빈[19]

"She's not my girlfriend"

Subin dialed the number and handed the phone back to the girl. She picked it up, her hands trembling.

여학생

4: “Wow.. Thank you!!”

The female student bowed almost at a 90-degree angle to express her gratitude.

최수빈[19]

“Call me when you have time.”

The schoolgirls ran out into the alley again, squealing.

이여주[19]

“What? Why did you give it to me?”

최수빈[19]

“I just thought it was cute.”

Soobin walked back home without a care.

Yeoju grabbed Soobin's wrist.

이여주[19]

“No, you don’t like this kind of thing.”

Soobin raised his arm and shook off Yeoju's arm.

최수빈[19]

“You don’t know, do you?”

The heroine's hands trembled slightly. It was a first for her.

It's okay to reject me. Even if you were me, it would be hard for you to like me right away.

But why did he give me his number when I clearly didn't like his face? It was easy to understand after a little thought.

이여주[19]

“It wasn’t that she was cute, it was that I hated her.”

최수빈[19]

“Yeah, I know. I gave it to you on purpose because I thought you’d fall for it if you got a girlfriend.”

Ah, so this is what it means to have a pounding heart

The heroine felt a pang of tears welling up in her eyes, but held them back. As she held back her tears, they seemed to well up inside her.

I felt like I was going to cry

이여주[19]

“.......”

Yeoju and Soobin stood in silence for a while. Yeoju opened her mouth, frowned, then sighed.

이여주[19]

“The reason I don’t want to forget my childhood, the life I wanted to tear apart and dig up, is because of you.”

Yeoju grabbed Soobin's arm. This time, she held both arms tightly with both hands.

The heroine's eyes seemed ready to well up with tears at any moment, but she was a woman with strong pride, so she held it in again and again.

이여주[19]

“When I was having the hardest time... you were there by my side.”

이여주[19]

“I’m still alive thanks to you.”

Soobin's expression remained motionless. Or perhaps she was holding back.

최수빈[19]

“So what do you want me to do?”

The strength in Yeoju's hand left Soobin's, and she let go. Was I just that kind of person for you?

I thought we had become a little closer, I thought we had opened up our hearts a little.

이여주[19]

“....I was a little emotional today... See you tomorrow.”

The heroine turned around and headed home at a brisk pace.

Soobin just looked at his back

It was the female lead who was almost in the car, but when the female lead turned around, Subin's expression looked like she was about to cry.

I don't feel too good about pushing you away.

No, to be honest, I feel dirty and my heart aches when I see your trembling mouth.

Don't come to me so easily. You know how hard it's been for me.

Now let's let each other go

“Lady... help me......”

You're getting blurry. Are you losing your mind? You're fading away.

Ep.16 My Beloved Trauma

최수빈[14]

It was a truly sunny day. There was not a cloud in sight, and the breeze was cool.

최수빈[14]

“Today is going to be a perfect day!”

They say nothing in this world goes as planned, and I think that saying is absolutely true.

Next Ep. 5 years ago

A brief summary of the contents

Subin's feelings for Yeoju are definitely mutual. However, Subin is in the midst of feelings of love and hate. As I keep saying, the closer Yeoju gets to Subin, the more his head hurts. If Yeoju has nightmares about her mother dying, Subin's nightmares are about what happened with Yeoju.

Subin's mindset is to push Yeoju away and bear the trauma alone, while Yeoju's mindset is to help Subin overcome her trauma.

The reason Soobin occasionally approaches Yeoju is because when she looks struggling, he unconsciously approaches her. However, he regains his sense of reason and pushes her away again.

우화리

In a word, a chaotic mess of chaos

우화리

I almost hit Subin because I was so frustrated while he was writing his lines.

우화리

No, the author should remain neutral, all characters are good*^^*

우화리

But honestly, I think Subin's character came out as not very attractive.

No, no, you shouldn't say things like that. Everyone forget it^_^

우화리

In this episode, Subin would have made a fuss about whether she liked it or not, and would have said "Huh?" all of a sudden.

우화리

But this is abbreviated, so it's been about 2-3 days for the characters.

우화리

Anyway, as I always say, please tell me if there is anything you don't understand, something strange, or something awkward.

우화리

I love it when you leave nice comments. I read all the comments, and even though I can't reply, I always click the heart. Thank you so much 🙏

The next episode will be a lot darker. I always try to add a little bit of light, but that won't be possible in the next episode...

Why did you come when you said you weren't coming because it was exam period? It's my feeling.