ferment.
the next day
8:20 AM
8:20. I opened my eyes. Today is Saturday.
I ran to my mom and told her I wanted to go to boarding school.
000
I really want to study hard for the next two years and get into a good university, Mom.
000
There's still a week left until the vacation starts, so I'll rest until then and prepare for boarding school.
엄마
If that's what you want, then there's nothing I can do, but wouldn't it be difficult?
I clenched my teeth. I couldn't say it was because of the man.
000
It's okay, Mom. I'm mature.
I went into my room, opened my book, and highlighted the important parts.
Every time I drew a line, tears fell from my eyes.
I couldn't breathe and sobbed to keep from making a sound, and then I fell asleep.
It was only at 4 o'clock in the afternoon that I finally got up and went outside.
While my mom was out, I grabbed something from the fridge and munched on it while watching a drama under the covers.
- How can you do this to me?
- You never made such a promise!
- Because I love you.
000
...you little shits.
I should just watch the music video.
It happened on a Sunday, a very foggy day.
I brushed my teeth and called my friends.
I told him that I couldn't go to school and that it was too hard.
Telling everything that has happened so far.
My friends said they would come see me and that I should come after work on Monday.
I went into the bathroom to take a shower, took a bath, and got into the bathtub.
I put my face in a bathtub full of water.
That night, I ate the snack my mom bought me.
My heart aches.
On Monday, I woke up at 6 am out of habit.
I closed my eyes to fall back asleep, and woke up at 10 o'clock.
My mom was at work, so I came out to eat some ramen, but there was porridge and braised short ribs.
I stuffed everything into my mouth and lay down in a comfortable position to wait for my friends.
At five o'clock, Jiwon got a call.
As I was about to go out to greet her, thinking she had arrived in front of the house, Jiwon spoke.
김지원
- Min Yoongi, you didn't come to school.
김지원
- He barely showed his face during the 6th period and then disappeared.
김지원
- I think they had a fight, I don't know who it was.
It doesn't concern me. It doesn't concern me. It's okay. It's okay.
I told my friends my honest feelings and told them the name of the boarding school I was going to.
김찬미
See? Our academy senior goes there. His name is Kim Seokjin. He's a year above you, so let's get to know each other.
000
...not really,
김지원
Okay, you bitch. Your eyes are full of worry.
My friends went home at eleven o'clock after receiving chicken from my mom.
My head is pounding.
김지원
- I see who you fought with. Min Yoongi.
Tuesday, wake up at ten o'clock.
Today I was planning to quickly go to the supermarket and buy some necessities.
Travel toothbrush kit, towel, toiletry kit, hairbrush, hair tie, clothes pins, and hangers.
I went to the school supplies corner, pushing a cart full of things that people living alone might buy.
It was already two o'clock when I got home after buying everything, but while I was organizing, I remembered that I had not bought staples.
You only bought a stapler, but you didn't buy any lead. You must be crazy.
After eating lunch, I put my hood over my head and headed back to the supermarket at five o'clock.
While I was looking at notebooks while buying a stapler, someone called my name.
김태형
000.
I ran to the cash register, handed over my money as if I was being chased, and ran home.
My legs gave out as I was pressing the door lock password.
I went home and lay down on the bed, feeling weak.
The staples that were wrapped in plastic fell to the floor with a metallic sound,
I made a mess of the floor.
I sat still on the bed and quietly looked at the scattered hearts.
I'm in tears.
Wednesday. My eyes are swollen. Mom said she wanted to be with me today.
I watched movies with my mom, bought clothes, and laughed.
It was really unsightly to see someone smiling with puffy eyes.
My mother stayed with me like that until seven o'clock, when something came up and she left me in the alley in front of the house.
I heard a voice.
주시진
Run away, you rotten bitch. What did I do?
주시진
I didn't even bother you properly... what the hell.
I covered my ears and turned the corner.
주시진
You act nice in front of people, but then you come behind their back and start talking bad about them?
주시진
You disgusting little bastard.
주시진
I knew you would look at women the same way.
I ran and jumped to the apartment where my house was.
That evening, I had a voice chat with my friends for three hours.
It snowed on Thursday.
After staring outside for a while, I finally put on my padded jacket and went out to face the snow.
Because Hoseok did that.
Every time a snowflake or two fell, my nose and cheeks turned red.
My hands are cold.
I will believe that I have woken up from a dream.
That day, I ran to the river. Unconsciously.
I climbed up on the fence in front and screamed. There was no one there.
Min Yoongi, Kim Taehyung. I called their names. No one came.
Even though I let out a desperate cry, there is no one around me.
Kim Chan-mi, Kim Ji-won, Yoo Ha-na, Lee Gyul-woo, Jo Ha-yeon.
Lee Ji-eun, Kim Ye-rin, Yang Woo-yeon...
Even if you call out your friends' names and curse at Joo Si-jin.
No one comes.
Both cheeks became warm.
Min Yoongi, Kim Taehyung. You bastards.
Wiping away his tears, he shouted at the frozen river.
Fuck, fuck you little shits.
민윤기
My eardrums are going to fall off.
I hear auditory hallucinations.
민윤기
Do you feel good when I talk behind your back?
I see hallucinations.
Warm white hands hug me tightly from behind.
I know too well.
Min Yoongi, that he won't come here.
That no one will come to me.
There is no one around me.