My gaze was always on you.
05 | Inferiority complex
김태형.
Ah.. congratulations.
Taehyung's expression, which changed with every word and every small action I took, became indescribably miserable. Ji-an, too, seemed to find it difficult to open her mouth, watching Taehyung's every word, every small action, every expression changing because of me.
배주현.
Yeah, thanks! You two will help me, right?
이지안.
Of course..! Are we friends for nothing?
김태형.
Yeah.. I'll help you.
I bit my lip, watching Ji-an and Tae-hyung, who had quickly opened their mouths. It was hard to bear to watch Tae-hyung's expression, hurt by my actions, and Ji-an's growing miserable at Tae-hyung's reaction.
배주현.
Hey, I'm going to go somewhere for a bit.
이지안.
Oh.. okay, go
It looked awkward to anyone, but I must have been deeply shocked because no one spoke to me. I didn't know what to do or how to act, so I sighed deeply and left the classroom.
[Jian's point of view]
Joohyun disappeared from our sight. Taehyung didn't seem to have seen her properly as she left the classroom, but as soon as Joohyun disappeared from his sight, Taehyung's expression rapidly worsened. I think Taehyung underestimated Joohyun's feelings for her more than I thought.
이지안.
are you okay..?
김태형.
You knew it...
이지안.
We've been together for a while, so there's no way I wouldn't know...
Whether we'd been together for a while or not, my gaze was always on you, so I could at least sense something. Your every reaction changed my mood, and there was no way I wouldn't know.
김태형.
Joohyun... did you notice?
이지안.
Well, it wasn't that obvious.
Still, since someone noticed, the frustration was somewhat relieved and he quickly opened his mouth to speak.
김태형.
So, do you know anything about the senior that Joohyun likes?
이지안.
No.. I don't know anything.
Except that he was exactly Bae Joo-hyun's ideal type. I felt bad for Taehyung, but I didn't want to help him. While it's true that you want the person you like to be happy and do well, in my opinion, it's no different from saying that no one takes responsibility for the person who got hurt.
김태형.
I see. I'm going to the bathroom for a bit.
이지안.
Ah.. yeah
He bowed his head deeply and walked past me. Then he encountered Joohyun, who was returning with a smile, and seemed to pause for a moment, but he quickly passed her.
배주현.
What's wrong, Kim Taehyung, why does he look like that?
이지안.
I don't know.
How many people have he killed with such an ignorant expression and tone? Does he not even realize it's his fault? I find Joo-hyun increasingly unpalatable, even though I know it's not her fault, even though I like her liking someone else.
배주현.
Is something bad happening?
이지안.
Oh, I don't know.
In the end, I took my anger out on Joohyun. It was difficult to rationally grasp the accumulated inferiority complex, and the belated regret left my mind in a tangled state, unable to unravel.
배주현.
Hey... why are you so angry? You're embarrassing people.
It seems the three of us weren't meant to be. This situation had become so tangled that no one could resolve it, no matter how hard they tried. Now, it's a matter of who will give up first. No matter what I do, it's pointless, and I'm starting to tire of it.
배주현.
What's wrong with you?
이지안.
Oh, the teacher is here.
What the heck? You'll never know. I've been anxious and excited all by myself, and this is just the first time I've ever revealed it like this. I wanted to tell you that I've always felt these complex, nuanced emotions, opaque and unresolved.
이지안.
Ha.. Seriously, why are you like that, Lee Ji-an?
Class had begun, and there was a note on my desk, clearly tucked away, perhaps from my own worries. I unfolded the note, folded tightly so no one could see it, and checked the handwriting. It was Joohyun.
배주현.
"Gian, did I do something wrong? If it was something like that, tell me so I can apologize and fix everything."
How foolish. He would have been angry himself, but he didn't like Joohyun asking if it was his fault. He wished she'd gotten angry instead.
이지안.
What will become of me if this continues... I'm going crazy anyway.
Strictly speaking, Joo-hyun wasn't at fault, and that's why I hated her even more. I wish she'd be angry at me instead. If I kept watching this situation, I'd look like a villain, jealous of the good protagonist.
I picked up my pen to write a reply in the blank space on the note, but quickly put it down. I couldn't find a proper answer to that question. So I crumpled up Joohyun's note and put it in my desk drawer.
이지안.
I don't know, whatever happens will happen.