This is the new grim reaper, Seung-Kwan Boo!
14. The trauma in my head that blossomed from my doubts
김여주
"Ugh..."
부승관
"You drank so much yesterday, and now you're groaning like this?"
김여주
"My boss is giving it to me, so I can't not eat it, so that's why..."
부승관
"What the heck? Someone who used to speak informally until yesterday is now using formal language again."
김여주
"...yes?"
부승관
"Yesterday, when you came home drunk, you spoke informally to me, saying, 'Seungkwan- Seungkwan-'"
부승관
"Do you think you speak informally to everyone when you drink?"
김여주
"...There's no such thing as an injection."
부승관
"Then what did you do to me yesterday?"
김여주
"I don't know! What do you ask someone who blacked out after drinking last night?"
부승관
"...Do you know that I was really upset?"
김여주
"Why? Is it because I spoke informally to you yesterday?"
부승관
"No? You said you'd be here by 12 o'clock yesterday, but you came at 1 o'clock!"
김여주
"...ah"
부승관
"So, I ate dinner alone last night, watched TV, and then fell asleep. I don't really like being alone..."
김여주
"I'm sorry... I was drunk last night..."
부승관
"...it's okay"
김여주
"Well then... a wish? Should I grant your wish?
부승관
"...really?"
김여주
"Yes! What do you want to do... or something like that?"
부승관
"...Now, you speak informally to me too."
김여주
"yes?"
부승관
"You were doing so well yesterday!"
김여주
"That was because you were drunk!"
부승관
"So you're not going to listen?"
김여주
"Okay... Okay."
부승관
"So from now on, you and I will talk?"
김여주
"okay..."
부승관
"Sister! Did Seungcheol call you?"
김여주
"Seungcheol? Why?"
부승관
"Tsk- You're using formal language again!"
김여주
"This is comfortable, but what can I do..."
부승관
"You can change it starting now!"
김여주
"So why did you call Seungcheol?"
부승관
"Ah- they said they wanted to meet up with the four of them after a long time."
김여주
"yes?"
부승관
"Sigh-"
김여주
"Huh... when?"
부승관
"Tonight!"
김여주
"You're not drinking again today, are you?"
부승관
"I guess I won't drink today?"
김여주
"If I drink today, I'll really die..."
부승관
"Still, I guess there's no need to worry today."
김여주
"why?"
부승관
"Because my sister and I are together."
부승관
"No matter how drunk you are, I can still take you there."
김여주
"But if you get drunk, I'll have to take you there."
부승관
"Wow, it's so new for me to hear you call me you."
김여주
"...I'm curious about that."
부승관
"I feel like we've become closer now that I've started hearing informal speech after hearing formal speech all the time!"
김여주
"I don't really feel that way..."
부승관
"...You person lacking empathy!"
김여주
"Quickly prepare lunch, it's your turn today."
부승관
"He's really too much..."
홍지수
"There comes Seung-kwan."
최승철
"What? Where?"
홍지수
"It's coming in over there, can't you see?"
최승철
"Oh, look"
부승관
"brother-"
최승철
"What's up, something good is happening?"
홍지수
"You've been dating for a while now, but your face has brightened up."
김여주
"What, are you dating?"
부승관
"No? Who am I dating!"
최승철
"But now you two are using informal language?"
김여주
"Yes, he was complaining about me coming home late yesterday and then he got upset."
김여주
"So when I said I would grant your wish, you started talking informally to me."
홍지수
"Boo Seung-kwan, that guy too..."
부승관
"Oh, brother!"
김여주
"I'm going to eat meat, eat quickly."
부승관
"yes..."
최승철
"Still, it seems like you two have become quite close."
김여주
"No, you started talking to me and now you're treating me more like a neighborhood friend?"
부승관
"What, are you tattling on Seungcheol hyung right now?"
홍지수
"The two of you started talking and now you're becoming more childish."
김여주
"It's because Seungkwan Boo is childish."
부승관
"I told you to speak informally, but you're just teasing me!"
김여주
"That means we've become that close-"
부승관
"...okay"
김여주
"What's that reaction?"
홍지수
"Don't try to figure it out, you'll get hurt."
김여주
"I said that making people curious is the best..."
최승철
"Eat some meat..."
부승관
"But who will calculate this?"
홍지수
"Of course it's Choi Seung-cheol, right?"
최승철
"Of course it wasn't Hong Ji-soo?"
홍지수
"Hey, honestly, you should pay the bill-"
홍지수
"You're the one receiving support from Yoon Jeong-han."
최승철
"You get support too."
홍지수
"Hey, but the manager has to buy it!"
최승철
"Ha... why am I the manager?"
홍지수
"Blame Yoon Jeong-han for assigning ranks like that-"
최승철
"But I can make you do things."
홍지수
"...So, you're going to make me work overtime on Monday?"
최승철
"Yeah, you work fast. I'm going to give you more work."
홍지수
"Can you use your power?"
최승철
"Can't I do it too?"
김여주
"No, the meat is all burnt!"
부승관
"How come we fight all the time?"
김여주
"I knew it from the moment I went to Hell..."
홍지수
"what?"
김여주
"No... but do you only eat meat?"
최승철
"Huh? Is there anything you want to eat?"
김여주
"Want to eat cold noodles?"
최승철
"huh!"
김여주
"Do you want to have cold noodles or spicy noodles?"
최승철
"I'm cold"
홍지수
"Hey, watercress-"
부승관
"It's watercress!"
김여주
"I'd like a bowl of water parsley and a bowl of cold noodles!"
최승철
"You're good at ordering."
김여주
"Rather than wasting time like that, it's better to eat quickly and go home quickly."
홍지수
"Do you want to go home quickly?"
최승철
"I was going to drink and go"
김여주
"You drank a lot yesterday, what are you talking about..."
최승철
"Yesterday was a company dinner, and today we're just having a quick bite to eat."
김여주
"Okay, just throw away your body."
홍지수
"But Choi Seung-cheol, wasn't it your first time drinking yesterday?"
최승철
"Oh, right."
부승관
"yes?"
김여주
"Oh... is that so?"
최승철
"I died when I was in high school..."
홍지수
"How much can you drink?"
최승철
"I don't know, I was fine yesterday?"
김여주
"...It's your first time eating it, but you can't hold your liquor that high?"
부승관
"Even my sister came home drunk yesterday."
최승철
"But I think drinking alcohol is pretty okay."
홍지수
"Not using it?"
최승철
"It was bitter, but... still, seeing Soonyoung for the first time was kind of funny."
김여주
"Oh, I don't remember... um..."
최승철
"Continuing to cheer, singing and dancing with excitement..."
홍지수
"Oh, right."
최승철
"And then he came to me and talked about this and that and then he fell asleep."
김여주
"But, the other family members all live together, but Seungcheol lives alone."
최승철
"Oh, I'm planning to move soon."
최승철
"Anyway, that house and Hong Ji-soo's house are close."
홍지수
"5 minutes walk"
김여주
"But Jisoo"
홍지수
"I think this is the first time I've heard you call my name."
김여주
"No... what..."
홍지수
"So why?"
김여주
"Can I ask you something?"
홍지수
"what?"
김여주
"past..."
홍지수
"...Oh, did I only tell Choi Seung-cheol and Yoon Jeong-han?"
최승철
"Even Seungkwan doesn't know?"
부승관
"yes!"
홍지수
"...Do you want to know?"
김여주
"If you don't want to talk, tell me later."
홍지수
"...If you're curious, I'll tell you."
최승철
"I don't want to talk about it, so don't force me to talk about it."
최승철
"The deeper the wound, the harder it is to talk about it."
최승철
"Because every time I talk about it, those memories come back to me."
최승철
"...I forgot because I didn't want to remember it again, but I kept replaying the memory in my head."
최승철
"I feel like someday those pasts will come back to haunt me with fear."
최승철
"Don't force yourself to think about it, just talk to me when you're completely okay."
홍지수
"...Choi Seung-cheol"
최승철
"Don't force yourself to think too hard and collapse."
최승철
"I'm saying this because I've been there before. You've been hurt enough because of your past."
홍지수
"...Maybe I can overcome this fear by telling them about my past."
최승철
"That takes some courage too."
홍지수
"...Still, I have to try. Courage, to a certain extent, comes from my confidence."
최승철
"...Honestly, I'm a little worried."
You still look exactly like that terrified moment in my eyes, but how did you grow so much without me knowing? How did you grow so much?
I keep thinking that perhaps the image of the young Hong Ji-soo that still remains in my memory is what has kept you locked in the prison of the past for so long.
최승철
"...ah"
I vaguely see the you from when we first met and the you now, who has become so familiar. ... Long-ago memories I'd forgotten are once again wreaking havoc in my mind. I frown, my head aching as it feels like it's about to snap.
부승관
"...are you okay?"
Memories of that time, when I thought everything was fine, come flooding back to me. Unlike back then, I'm proud of you for trying to forget your fear and rise again, but I also feel pathetic for not being able to escape the fear.
I see myself fading away in the darkness. My head aches as if it's going to burst. And so, I am gradually consumed by the darkness.
홍지수
"Hey, Choi Seung-cheol, come to your senses!"
쿠우쿠
Hello ㅠㅠㅠ First of all, I'd like to apologize ㅠㅠㅠ I'm so late, right? It's been so long since I wrote... I wrote the beginning of this post to post on January 1st, but it's already February... I'm so sorry! ㅠㅠㅠ
쿠우쿠
It started off brightly, but the ending was dark... I don't like it though! Even if you just read the parts where Seungcheol thinks, you'll get the idea that he hasn't completely escaped his past yet.
쿠우쿠
Jisoo, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan were all minors when they met, when they were 19! At the time, all three were unstable, and while Jisoo is slowly trying to overcome her past, Seungcheol still hasn't forgotten it and is extremely unstable.
쿠우쿠
So, even if I think about the past even a little, I'm not completely healed enough to easily become afraid or self-deprecating, so I easily collapse or fall into deep thought. It's a kind of trauma! Every time I think about that past, about death, I get a severe headache and feel miserable... ㅠㅠ
쿠우쿠
I hope you had a wonderful new year, and I wish Seungkwan and Chan a very happy birthday! Carats, it was your birthday yesterday, happy birthday too ㅠㅠㅠ
쿠우쿠
And I think the next episode will probably show Jisoo's past, and I won't go into detail about Seungkwan's past since it's already mentioned in the beginning. The side story will probably show Jeonghan's past, right? Oh, and after Jisoo's past is revealed, I think the relationship between the female lead and Seungkwan will develop :D
쿠우쿠
💎And more than anything, I hope Pledis cancels Weverse quickly... I and other Carats are working hard, so let's hold on a little longer! I wonder when Pledis will come to their senses. There's nothing good about going to Weverse, Carats, please save our public fan club!💎
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