Thanks to Hanseol, who had been a die-hard fan of Philip since their trainee days, it's no exaggeration to say that I knew all their highlight performances by heart. Back then, just like now, I'd call her "Unnie" and nudge her to watch stage videos on my phone with me. Looking back, I can't help but think that it was her kind heart that kept me from getting left behind, even though I joined the company a bit late. At first, I couldn't resist her childish pleas, but later, I found myself volunteering to watch them, saying, "It's scary to be late."
What I remember most is the year-end awards ceremony stage back then. It was either the 26th or the 27th, but my body vividly remembers that it was December, the season of the living. Philip truly felt like an idol. I mean, truly someone's idol. No matter which singer they were rooting for, the colorful lights in the stands would sway in a single stream, and before the accompaniment even began, the cheers beneath their feet would explode through their earphones. Sadly, the excessive screen effects or set design for a group in their prime were completely absent. Philip alone dominated the vast, open-air stage. Even the beads of sweat forming on his chin, his uneven breathing, his breath steaming in the dead of winter, seemed pre-planned in the massive dome concert hall. Philip swept a whopping five or six awards that day, including the grand prize. And as always, he was at the center of it all.
jungkook.
It's not that I hadn't been hoping to meet you. Just as the other members had been looking forward to it, I, too, harbored a slight romantic feeling just from the fact that I'd joined FG Entertainment. But even that was just a casual greeting between seniors and juniors on the street. I swear I hadn't been hoping for this embarrassing encounter today. To meet the star of a flyer while reading one? And to even get caught doing it... so blatantly. It took a certain level of madness for a rookie to want such an absurd situation. I imagined a future where I'd be firmly ensnared by the industry's top idol, never to see the light of day, and be instantly buried in the dust, unable to set foot in the industry for the next dozen years. "..." For some reason, it felt so plausible that it made my stomach ache.
The silence itself sometimes brings a suffocating sense of shame. I glanced at the side mirror. He was still standing tall in my reflection. Of course he wasn't there. He'd been climbing without stopping since earlier. The angular numbers, rising at intervals with each floor, seemed unusually slow, perhaps because of my mood, but unlike a modern model, it felt incredibly slow. It felt like two hours. The only silver lining was that the CEO's office wasn't on the same floor as Jeongguk's, but that wasn't entirely a relief. It was right below. It was the same for both of us. I coughed in vain. It didn't do anything to break the deathly silence, but it did help calm my tense mind. "Yeah, I turned it off as soon as the door opened, so you probably didn't see me." I must have consoled myself with something like that.
Some time passed, and when I finally met Soyi in front of the CEO's office, my mind wandering, she had a displeased expression on her face. "You're late, right?" I reflexively glanced at her, only four minutes having passed since I received the text. To lighten the mood, I considered telling Soyi about seeing Philip Jeong-guk in the elevator, but then awkwardly kept quiet. "Were you late because you were looking at men?" I feared she'd scold me. I was more curious about Soyi's conversation with the CEO, but until the elevator, which was slow to a crawl, reached the bottom again, all I heard was a mechanical reply to look at the contract later. I gave an awkward smile. It felt like I'd asked something so obvious.
"Did you really see that? Really? Are you kidding me?"
"What good am I doing teasing you?"
"A, an autograph? No, no, did you even say hello? Did they accept you? Did they smile? Did they cheer you on?"
I was so excited that I had to push Hanseol away, who had come right up to me. It was the sun had set in the car. It was the end of our promotional period, and everyone was incredibly tired from going back and forth between Seoul and the provinces. When I casually brought up today's story, Hanseol, who had been completely asleep, suddenly jumped up as if nothing had happened, her eyes wide open, and she became absorbed in it. What do you mean, cheering? It's just her own wish. I suppressed a chuckle, checking Soyi's expression as she slept next to me. For now, put your seatbelt back on. I'll tell you about it later at the dorm, okay? I felt embarrassed, as if I were rambling on about something trivial, but I couldn't help but say something in front of her, who was so excited.
I'm jealous. I wish I could be with you. Seriously, back when I was a trainee, sneaking out to see a concert was the first and last time. Now that we're in the same company, we'll probably see each other once every three months, if not often. Hanseol would spout off two-line stories at most, almost to the point of being completely out of breath. It was almost a stroke of luck that she'd dozed off before long. It was so late at night, and sharing a room with her, a slow sleeper, gave me some time to myself. I carefully opened and closed the balcony door and scrolled through my call log. The only number with a star had a missed call count today. It was work, of course, but it wasn't a completely empty time, and it bothered me that I had to skip it every time.
A ringing sound, then a click. The sound of receiving.
"Oh, my lady."
"Are you home?"
"No, I just finished work."
"What about Jinwon?"
"I wonder if you're sleeping. I called you earlier but you didn't answer."
"He really..."
The tapping of my hand on the railing quickens. I take a deep breath and stare blankly at the scene below the parking lot. The streetlights, which had been silent during the day, now glow dazzlingly bright in this quiet night.
"How's Mom? Is there any money owed?"
"No. The condition is getting better and better."
"Yeah... I see."
"Hey, don't worry about it. Just focus on your work. Doing a good job there will help you, you know?"
Who knows? I know. The phone call with my dad ended without any real substance. Strictly speaking, there aren't many meaningful conversations between family members. Just things like, "How are you doing?", "What's the situation?", "Do you need anything?" Occasionally, a thought would cross my mind, throwing cold water on my thoughts. Since I hadn't accomplished anything, I'd think, "Should I just give it all up and go back and tackle something else?" But those thoughts, when faced with the fact that all I could do right now was dance and sing in front of others, became as meaningless as a candle in the wind. I took the cigarette I couldn't even smoke out of my pocket and bent it. "What kind of leader is he? He can only entertain such thoughts."
Bite Me
W. YeonmangThe saying that a busy body clears the mind is pretty much true. After March and April, when we were bombarded with showcase performances and promotional interviews for various broadcasting stations, we were busy with various external activities, leaving about three months until our next comeback. On the surface, it was a period of rest and preparation, but it was also a time when we were bombarded with tasks like profile photos and song recordings that we hadn't finished at the end of the month. Furthermore, our group had already been busy with an unplanned company relocation, so even if our schedules were to explode now, there was no one to complain. "Who would do that to anyone, when everyone else is so busy?" Of course, Soi made a big fuss, regardless of whether it was the shop staff, stylist, or manager. "Oh, I told you not to spray too much hair spray. It's not like we're doing an outdoor stage or anything. It usually just depended on my mood at the time."
As our delayed schedules picked up, we practically lived in the office. Hanseol would rattle off things I'd heard her say before, daydreaming about what we'd run into Philip if we ever did, but no one here could have guessed it would be today. Perhaps because we'd come to a fairly high floor for a simple demo recording, we encountered them much more easily than we had in the previous days, when we'd been running around the dance studio.
"Bite me. Right? Wow, nice to meet you."
Perhaps it was the brown-haired man who opened the door. The polite hand extended, as expected, to Soi. "Hello, senior." For a split second, I considered the worst-case scenario: slapped away, but thankfully, her condition seemed quite good today. I'd seen the P drink commercial, too. Soi, looking at you like this, really looks like a celebrity. Behind the sly man, two others seemed at a loss, and another stood silently, like a totem pole. Hanseol must have noticed, as he kept elbowing me in the pit of my stomach, making it difficult to control my expression. No, if you're so thrilled, you should at least say hello... The conversation was brief and not particularly stressful, but the atmosphere was unbearably ticklish, so I waited silently in the hallway until Soi and the brown-haired man's small talk ended. I planned to bow, say hello, and leave when it seemed like it was finally over.
"Before, in the elevator."
"......"
"Isn't it?"
"......"
"I think I've seen it before."
But things in this world don't always, always, always go as planned. I hurriedly lowered my head, afraid our eyes might meet. I pretended to cough. I lowered my voice. I, I just got back from the hospital. Kellogg. At that, Jungkook's expression remained unchanged, and he said, "Oh. I guess I saw you wrong," and stepped back. When he spoke in a voice uncharacteristic of a girl group, the other person didn't even bother to question him. After that brief meeting, which was either long or short, a long time later, Dayeon quietly asked why I pretended not to notice when I had seen her earlier. "Look," I asked back, "why did you pretend to be asleep and eavesdrop on me?" Soon, my already pale skin and chilly aura began to burn uncontrollably. I wasn't trying to hear, but honestly, there was no way I wouldn't have heard in that cramped van! I fell back in my seat and laughed.
"At that time, I couldn't say hello."
"why?"
"Well... well. I'm just nervous."
I waved my hand and roughly muddled through the reasons. I couldn't say I'd been caught by the person involved, considering the dating rumors. And since I wasn't even sure if I'd actually been caught, I decided not to bring it up. I continued to mutter things like, "It's hard," "I'm tired," and "When will it end?" Dayeon, who was beside me, quickly followed suit, listing off the grueling and grueling schedule she'd had today. At moments like this, she seemed like a typical twenty-year-old. While I listened to her lament, my eyes naturally fell on my phone. It was a call from the CEO.
Bite Me
"So, what I'm saying is."
"......"
"This is a chance to go on a broadcast with Soyrang."
Filming hasn't even begun, and the members haven't been confirmed yet. Now is the best time, right? It's a variety show that's set to air in August. They say Soyi will be on it. Besides that, the cast is already generating quite a buzz with the already revealed lineup, including actor Sung Jun-soo and Friday's Woojin and Hoon. It felt strange to have to include me. He'd been spouting nonsense like, "I'm just there to help Soyi adjust," but he must have felt a bit underwhelmed, so he quickly confessed his true feelings. "You know Philip, right? We met." Still unsure of the answer, I hesitated and answered, "Yes." "You feel the comparisons you get with Soyi a lot, don't you?" But his words made my heart sink.
"They say Philip Jeong-guk will be there too, so make a good drawing."
"... yes?"
"If you don't have anything special, you just need to raise your profile."
"......"
"The one that happened a while ago has faded away because there's no evidence, so people aren't interested. Let's see if the female lead can do something about it, okay?"
I can't say there's no harm in it, but wouldn't it be a jackpot if I got popular this time? The CEO seemed to be trying to gently tease me, trying to get me to agree to appear in a fit of anger. His true intentions were so obvious that I couldn't hide my disappointment. Even if I provoked him, he'd have nowhere to go and wouldn't be able to quit anyway, so it was only natural. My hands, clenched under the desk, slowly loosened. True to his words, it's true that I'm envious of Soyi's fame. However, it's something I'll never gain even if I die, and if he insists on using someone else to do something that will only spark a flash in the pan, that's a completely different matter. In the end, I didn't give a definitive answer to the suggestion to "appear on a program and get involved with Jungkook," and just left the place in a daze.
It was my first time eating out in a while, and Soyi, whose face I hadn't seen in a while, was also there. I tried my best not to let it get too awkward, but Yuje, sitting across from me, seemed to notice. "Sister, you met the CEO earlier, right? You must have had a hard time. Menopause or something? It's no joke these days." Perhaps hearing it somewhere, or perhaps just reading my expression, she began to spit out harsh insults at the CEO, even though I hadn't even asked. Hanseol intervened to explain. "Sister Yuje, you've been drinking. Aha. Stop me." I was more or less convinced.
Because the seating was cramped, Soyi sat in a corner with her manager. Hanseol was muttering about how it was special treatment and how they must charge a high price for that seat, but honestly, to me, this wide-open table looked several times better than the corner table over there. Perhaps because they were worried someone might recognize them. I occasionally sipped a few drinks while stealing glances at them. The conversation I had with the CEO earlier came to mind. The reason they didn't give Soyi, who was scheduled to appear, that role was because they didn't want to waste her hard-won star power. And in the same vein, using me, who was just a leader with no real position within the group, as a disposable card was actually beneficial. By using this, they could create a brief buzz and promote the show, and while the group wouldn't have the same influence as Soyi before, it would undoubtedly gain a bit more public recognition.
Good for everyone. Good for me, too. Yeah, good is good, right?
Bite Me
"What's so surprising? You always copy me so obviously. You have no pride, so you probably beg the CEO to let you appear together."
Omitted. But today, at least, I didn't mind Soyi's sharp voice. Some of it was true—except for the part about prostrating myself and begging—but now, it was someone else who made me more nervous. Across from me, I saw Jungkook, wearing a denim shirt and holding a microphone. He had already handled several autograph requests from the staff and looked a bit exhausted. Seeing him like that, I felt a stab in my chest. Like I was doing something bad for no reason.
The CEO had instructed us not to strain ourselves for the first take. He said we should subtly appear like a duo rather than being overtly confrontational. It was horribly detailed. But I knew it would all be lost if we didn't stick together as a team, so I was secretly relieved. After the cameras and materials were set up and the overhead lights were filling my face, the main producer gave the cue. A female announcer-turned-host expertly introduced the scene, followed by a series of introductions. Groups of two or more were supposed to stand side by side, so I ended up standing next to Soyi. The script I'd received in advance had already outlined what I was going to say, but since I was already in the middle, and the actual scene was approaching, I ended up blurting everything out.
"Hello everyone! I'm Soigo from ByteMe,"
"Ba, the heroine of Byte Me... is here!"
Soyi felt her eyes instantly turn cold. Here and there, a faint smile escaped her lips. It felt like one of the few lucky moments in my life that the camera was rolling. Otherwise, Dosoi would have snapped at me, saying, "Can't you even do this one thing properly?" After a brief pause, the male contestants introduced themselves one after another. "This is Philip's Jeongguk." Only then did I turn around. I was so out of it that I didn't even notice who was next to me, but it was by chance that the seating arrangement had become this way. He was staring at the camera in the center, then glanced in my direction and said,
"Please take care of me."