Time passed.
Before we knew it, the homeroom teacher came in and gave the closing remarks, and the children noisily left the classroom.
I sat there with my chin resting on my hand in the empty classroom, and banged my desk loudly.
I was sitting there unable to do anything while Jeongguk was away for a while.
I don't know how much time has passed.
At some point, as I was staring blankly at the poor blackboard, the shape of the situation began to take shape.
“... Oh, surprise.”
“Sorry. I’m late, right?”
“No, it’s okay.”
The suffocating silence began again.
I was sitting there unable to do anything.
“...Have you thought about it?”
"huh."
“Then answer me.”
“You know, Jungkook, are you sure you can love me?”
“What does that mean?”
“... Well, it’s nothing.”
I didn't want to tell Jeongguk about my disability.
According to the notebook I looked at this morning, I think I probably had feelings for Jeongguk in the past.
But my future self may be sad because of the situation, so no matter what choice I make in the present, my future self will eventually be in pain.
I just chose to be my old self because I miss the past so foolishly.
“...let’s date.”
Thus began the contract with the past and the betrayal with the future.
/
When I went home from school, I went with Jeongguk.
Awkwardness enveloped the two, but it wasn't a bad feeling.
Eventually, the moment becomes the past.
Eventually, the present me became the past me and the situation began to improve.
“If your house is far away, you don’t have to drive me any further. My house is close by.”
It was I who broke the silence.
"uh?"
“I see your house is on the opposite side?”
“...I’m doing it because I like it, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
“If that’s the case, then that’s good.”
Jungkook's cheeks turned red like a shy high school girl.
“Why do you like me?”
"Because you're pretty. That's why I first noticed you. And I wanted to know more about you."
"what?"
I overreacted to the question of wanting to know about me.
After all, ‘things about me’ also includes my disability.
Maybe my disability will inevitably be revealed to Jeongguk someday.
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Oh, no. I’m just afraid of birds. Because of that pigeon over there.”
He pointed at an unrelated pigeon with his index finger.
Then, Jeongguk nodded once with a dubious expression.
"...I'm home now. Thank you for bringing me here. Take care and get home safely."
I guess a formal farewell is really that good.
It was quite funny to see Jeongguk smiling shyly.
I turned away from Jeongguk, opened the door, and went in.
From the front door to the hallway, living room, kitchen, bedroom, and my room, there were phrases written on white paper.
"In the morning, look at the pink notebook on your shelf. In the evening, write down every little detail in it for tomorrow."
It was probably something I wrote.
I went into my room, took out the notebook in my bag's front pocket, and wrote down everything that happened that day.
Everything that happened when I started dating Jungkook, everything Jungkook said.
And only then did I fall asleep.
/
The morning dawned.
It was definitely summer yesterday, so why is it winter?
I just blankly stared at the clock.
Mom opened the door and came in.
Mom sighed deeply.
"... did you sleep well?"
"Mom, why is it winter already? It should have been summer. It should have been July 5th, 2018. Why is it winter?"
“...2018 is the past.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s 2020 now.”
Today must be July 6, 2018.
I quickly turned on my phone and the date was December 18, 2020.
“Take your medicine and check the pink notebook on the shelf over there.”
It was a very mechanical tone.
The pink notebook contained a record of my relationship with Jungkook, and also contained the things Jungkook had said.
“...And dating like this. Kim Yeo-ju, I don’t even remember, but this is really like Kim Yeo-ju.”
Those words were thrown at me, but I wasn't the intended target of the words.
After I finished reading my notebook and took my pills, it was almost 8 o'clock.
I don't know why, but my steps felt light.
Deep down inside, Kim Yeo-ju must have been craving love so much.
“... Well, I guess you can still date even if you don’t remember.”
I left the house, trying to rationalize.
I got on the bus just as it was written in the notebook and walked along with the group.
“Excuse me, Couple Kim Yeo-ju!”
Someone called me from behind.
She was probably a girl I was close with.
“Park So-yeon, is that right?”
“This time, I got it right again today.”
I asked a question to Soyeon, who was laughing in vain.
“Do you know about me?”
"Yes, I know, I know. Seriously. How many times do I have to answer that question? Oh, and never say sorry. Do you know how easy it is to get Kim Yeo-joo's apology every morning?"
“...How did you know?”
“You were like that yesterday, two days ago, a week ago, and three months ago… It’s already been two years and six months.”
“It’s been that long.”
I held onto my bag strap and walked slowly, my gaze focused on my toes.
When I opened the door to the unfamiliar classroom, there were a few children there, and I sat down in my seat by the window.
Soon after, a boy who was presumed to be Jeon Jungkook came in and sat behind me.
"did you sleep well?"
“...Huh? Jungkook, you’re here already?”
“Huh? What are you talking about? I usually come at this time.”
Jeongguk's expression seemed to have a hint of suspicion.
“Oh... is that so? Sorry.”
I guess I accidentally wrote this part down.
Since it seems like Jeongguk is a very suspicious kid, I thought I should write more details.
“... Well, maybe you weren't interested. Anyway, are you free today?”
“Time? After school?”
“Yeah. We started dating yesterday, but we didn’t even go on a proper date yesterday.”
“Oh, I see. Then let’s go after school today.”
"okay."
As soon as I finished my conversation, the bell signaling the start of class rang throughout the school, and I turned my gaze away from Jeongguk.