As I stepped out of the cafe, rain was already encroaching on the street. Just as I was about to grab my umbrella, my eyes met with Jeongguk's, who was standing by the entrance. He had already opened his own umbrella, glanced at me, and then wordlessly pulled the handle a little further in.
“Just go with me.”
His words were less a question and more a declaration. Before I could even refuse, the rain grew uncontrollably heavy. I reluctantly stepped beneath his umbrella. Our shoulders brushed against each other, the cold air drawing closer to his body heat.
The umbrella was narrow, and raindrops continued to peck at our sides. The streetlights blurred across the water, and our footsteps beneath them strangely matched their pace. The space beneath the umbrella was narrow, but the silence resonated even louder. Jungkook stood beside me for a while before finally asking in a low voice.
“Why did you pretend not to know? You remembered everything.”
I was out of breath and delayed in replying. But I couldn't avoid it any longer.
“…It wasn’t you, it was myself that was scared.”
Jeongguk's gaze wavered. But he didn't back down.
“You were scared? What were you so afraid of?”
I dropped my gaze to the rain-soaked road. My toes dipped into the water, sinking coldly into it. Scenes I didn't want to recall forcibly surfaced, pounding my heart.
/
It was my first stage. The moment the dazzling lights came on, I was so trembling I couldn't say anything, but you grabbed my hand. I still vividly remember your smiling face, telling me it was okay, that we could do it.
Back then, I believed the whole world was cheering me on. The music flowed, the applause and cheers poured in, and you were right beside me, smiling and keeping pace. That night, so happy I could almost cry after the show, I wanted to hold onto it for a long time.
But the final stage was different. As my ankles gave out and my body crumbled, the world too easily turned its back on me. Cheers turned to screams, and beneath those lights, I collapsed, as if I could never stand again.
You reached out your hand, but I didn't take it. You shook your head and turned away, apologizing, saying you couldn't do it anymore. The despair that flashed across your face is still vivid in my mind. From that moment on, I believed I had to forget everything to survive.
/
I covered my face with both hands and swallowed a scream. Tears flowed down, mixing with the rain.
"From that day on… I could never stand on stage again. It was so scary to see people's eyes turn away, to see them crumble because of one mistake I made. Even with you by my side, it didn't change. In the end, it was me who fell apart."
Jeongguk gritted his teeth.
"So you pushed me away too? I told you to hold on together. I told you it was okay if I fell apart. Why did you leave me alone?"
His voice trembled with suppressed anger and resentment. I couldn't raise my head.
“I didn’t want to bring you down. That’s why… That’s why I turned my back.”
Jeongguk shook his head. His eyes were wet.
"That's your decision. You didn't ask me, you didn't listen to my feelings. I wanted to be with you until the end."
His hand stopped in midair. He reached out as if to grab it, but I instinctively stepped back.
“For me… that wasn’t love. It was a burden.”
The moment I spoke, my heart felt like it was being torn apart, but at the same time, I felt compelled to reveal my deepest darkness. Jeongguk's gaze wavered. The sound of the rain grew louder.
“If you really think so…”
He muttered quietly.
“…What should I do?”
I couldn't answer. Tears and rain ran down my face. On the wet road, we stood as close as possible, yet at the greatest distance.