Sorry Not Sorry

Chapter 7 🥀

The cool morning air of the hospital was mixed with the smell of the medications the patients had been taking. I'd been in the hospital room all day, and I felt like I was going to go crazy any second.

Choosing to mingle with the sickly crowd, I had a nurse help me into a wheelchair and insisted she let me walk around alone or I'd tease her constantly. Okay, on some occasions the nurses probably enjoyed my teasing, which was normal because I was handsome, except when I started patting their behinds.

“I pray they don’t get the chance to be seduced by a handsome man like me again.” I grumbled while holding my right cheek which was red after the nurses slapped it affectionately.

I looked around the hospital garden, checking my very long nails with a gentle breeze caressing every strand of my hair.

“How are you, Jongdae?” I looked around, idly watching the people passing by. I hoped that among the dozens of people, Jongdae would be walking towards me with a big smile to take care of me. But instead, I saw Kyungsoo walking towards me in his hospital gown.

“Now we’re the same,” he said mockingly. Kyungsoo stood beside me. “How does it feel to have a broken leg?”

I hit Kyungsoo's arm hard. "Want to feel it for yourself?"

“See this? This, this, and this.” Kyungsoo pointed to several bruises on his face and hands. “If I get just one more, I’ll be removed from the list of most handsome students.”

“Place.”

We were silent for a while, each with our own thoughts, until Kyungsoo gently tapped my shoulder. “Yeol, did you know Jongdae was in this hospital?”

I immediately straightened my shoulders and faced him enthusiastically. “How did you know?”

“Yesterday I accidentally ran into him in the hospital hallway,” Kyungsoo explained while looking away, “I don’t really know what happened to him, he looked fine physically. Don’t be mad, but it seems like it’s an internal illness, Jongdae’s face also looks pale.” I listened carefully to every sentence Kyungsoo said. “But strangely, Jongdae’s father actually looked angry, Sehun was also there at that time. You know, Jongdae’s cousin who looks like a Caucasian.”

I gripped the wheelchair tires angrily, my eyes squeezed shut, pushing away the worst possible outcome.

“Why are you telling me?” I don’t know why I’m asking this either.

Kyungsoo frowned in surprise. “You’re her boyfriend, aren’t you? Uh, have you broken up?”

I felt like stuffing Kyungsoo's mouth with a sock that hadn't been washed in a year! Break up! Even I was still—a moment, but Sehun himself said that they were getting married soon. I couldn't even eavesdrop on their conversation at that time because I was too cowardly.

“Is Jongdae going to—Jongdae?” I raised my head when I accidentally saw a figure that looked very much like Jongdae walking side by side with someone who looked like Sehun.

Oh Sehun!

Kyungsoo walked closer to them, and soon came back to me. "Yeah, that's Jongdae and Sehun," he excitedly announced.

“Take me there.”

“Me? No, I’m not interested in minding other people’s business—”

“Do Kyungsoo.” I growled in my signature deep voice, giving him a disapproving look like the first time Kyungsoo was introduced to the gang by Suho.

Kyungsoo let out a short breath, walked behind my wheelchair, and pushed it lazily, giving in. “Tsk, are you a snail or a turtle?” I snarled. Impatiently, I spun the wheelchair’s tires myself.

Finally, Kyungsoo was willing to push me, and we followed Jongdae and Sehun into a patient's room. I thought it was just the two of them—I was about to jump out of my wheelchair and kill Sehun—until I peeked through the crack in the door and saw Aunt Oh's silhouette, and I breathed a sigh of relief and returned to positive thinking.

“You really don’t want to abort the fetus?” Jongdae’s mother asked softly. “Because the abortion pill failed to kill him, he likely won’t be born full-term.”

What?

“Jongdae is pregnant?”

“Shhh, shut up, you jerk!” I warned Kyungsoo to shut his mouth.

My chest was pounding with my whole body suddenly feeling hot and cold, the back of my neck was spreading heat that reached my eyes, I held my breath and waited for their next conversation.

However, among the three of them, none of them opened their mouths, all of them were consistent with their respective silences.

Jongdae lowered his head deeply, his hand brought up to stroke his still flat stomach which was covered insweeteryellow. With his mother and Sehun watching, Jongdae began to sob softly.

"I will take care of him no matter what happens in the future."

My heart was choking, that was all I heard from Jongdae's weak voice.

“Jongdae.” Sehun crouched under Jongdae’s feet as he sat on the hospital bed. “I think this is a little wrong, you know living with a physical disability is not easy, I once had a friend with a disability and he was bullied a lot, his life was difficult until he finally decided to end his life.” Sehun stared deeply into Jongdae’s eyes. “If he had to choose, he probably wouldn’t have wanted to be born with that condition—”

“Why are you cornering me, Sehun?” Jongdae wiped his nose with the back of his hand, glaring back at Sehun in annoyance. “And how do you know she didn’t want to be born? You said you wanted to protect me?”

“Jongdae, darling.” Aunt Oh—Jongdae’s mother—gently stroked Jongdae’s shoulder. “Not only will he likely be born with a disability, but your life will also be in danger. You might even abandon him when he’s born.”

"I don't mind dying to give birth to him."

Kim. Jong. Dae!

“Kim Jongdae, enough!” The shout made Jongdae look at his mother fearfully. “I didn’t give birth to a child just to die to give birth to another.”

I quickly whispered to Kyungsoo when I saw Aunt Oh walking toward the door with a sour face. “Kyung, let’s get out of here.”

“Hwh, I’m not a maid—”

“Shhh, wait a minute!” I stopped her when Aunt Oh turned to approach Jongdae again.

“Ah, and one more thing Jongdae, giving birth isn’t as easy as pooping or when you’re making it!”

I patted Kyungsoo's arm nervously again. "Get out of here, Kyung!"

Kyungsoo let out a tired sigh and quickly pushed my wheelchair out of Jongdae's door. Kyungsoo took a different direction than Jongdae's mother.

For a moment, the contents of their conversation rang in my head again like a pirated cassette.

“Because the abortion pill failed to kill him, he will most likely not be born full-term.”

I glanced at the hospital foyer building we passed, then looked down dejectedly with various strange feelings settling in my heart, it felt really uncomfortable and I wanted to get rid of it if I could.

The creature is still alive, even though I gave Jongdae a very high dose to kill him. And the worse news is: he might be born with a disability, even endangering Jongdae's life? What have I done!

“Where is your room?”

A couple passed me with a long bundle cradling their hands, smiles beaming from their faces. I glanced over to see what they were carrying, then sighed in disappointment when I realized it was a baby.

“Oww! That fucking hurts!” I cursed at Kyungsoo who casually smacked my head.

“I’ve been asking you over and over again where your room is, you idiot!” Kyungsoo played with my wheelchair by pushing it hard and then suddenly stopping it, repeatedly until my body hurt from the jolts.

“I didn’t hear you, you idiot!” I replied, no less fiercely.

“Aish, hurry up. Where’s your room?” Kyungsoo asked impatiently.

"I do not know."

I'm sure that right now Kyungsoo is glaring at me with his round eyes, this is proven by the change in the weather around the hospital, which was previously sunny, suddenly turned cloudy.

Without saying anything, Kyungsoo pushed me again.

"Where are we going?"

“Back to the place where I first found you!”

I didn't respond to him anymore, right now my head was spinning, it wasn't the right time to look for trouble.

I love Jongdae like I love a circuit, I treat him like I treat my favorite food or my hat.

I don't want to lose Jongdae.

My heart screamed, realizing I was still in public with Kyungsoo behind me. If Jongdae gave birth to that creature and it didn't survive...

"Kyung, what do you think are the characteristics of a murderer i—"

"Chan-yeol."

“Ah, Uncle Kim.” I forced a smile as Jongdae’s father suddenly took a few steps in front of me and was walking towards me.

“What's wrong with your leg?”

I frowned in surprise; Jongdae's parents weren't usually this friendly to me. Was the world about to end? It was happening so soon, even though Dajjal, Yajuj, and Magog hadn't even begun their show.

“I accidentally fell off my motorbike last night,” I replied, “I just need a little rest to be able to walk again.”

Uncle Kim glanced at Kyungsoo briefly. “Get well soon,” he prayed. I thought he was going to leave immediately until the words escaped his thin lips, “Can we talk in private?”

I didn't want to guess what Jongdae's father wanted to talk to me about, so I just nodded in agreement. After that, my wheelchair was handed over to Jongdae's father, and Kyungsoo simply said goodbye.

Heavy rain poured down on the city when Uncle Kim took me to the hospital cafeteria. He sat across from me, his hands intertwined on the table. For a while, before our orders arrived, he didn't say why he had brought me there.

“Ahem.” I cleared my throat, hoping that would wake him up and start talking.

His sharp gaze stared intently into my eyes. “Do you really love Jongdae, Chanyeol?”

I didn't respond immediately. "It's rare for you to ask me something this personal?" I asked sharply. "Don't you usually hate me?"

He sighed. “Ahaha, right. I usually always suspect you whenever you pick up Jongdae.” Uncle Kim leaned over to me, and I stared at his face, which was so similar to Jongdae’s. “Jongdae has betrayed you,” he said guiltily. “Look, I don’t really like you, but personally, as a father to Jongdae, I want to sincerely apologize on behalf of my only son.”

I frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

She sighed heavily. “Jongdae cheated on me with Sehun and she’s pregnant.”

The moment Uncle Kim finished his sentence, I felt like slapping my forehead and shouting, “Jongdae is not cheating!”

“W-what?”

Then at that moment I realized that what I said actually happened in the real world, I wasn't imagining it like what I thought.

“What do you mean, Chanyeol?” Uncle Kim shook my shoulder. “Do you know something?”

20 years ago when I was still in kindergarten, a teacher told boys specifically about responsibility and honesty as important milestones of maturity for a real man.

I love Jongdae, even though I know I'm the one ruining his future. I want him to achieve his dreams, but at the same time, I'm also building a wall that could destroy those dreams.

I love Jongdae no matter how often Jongdae asks when I'm going to stop racing.

“What’s so good about racing? You’d be better off learning to write songs, Chan.”

“When are you going to stop racing, Chan?”

“When are you going to stop doing that, huh?”

“Chan, Chan, Chan, Chan. Choose me or the circuit?”

“Park Chanyeol I will be very angry if you still join the race!”

“Stop racing!”

It was Kai's coming of age day, and we all celebrated by drinking and watching porn. I was so drunk that I blurted out...

“I would stop racing if I had an accident, hik... to the point of being hospitalized, unable to walk for a while and feeling useless, hik.”

I found out the next day when Jongdae showed me the recording and laughed out loud. I don't know if it was true or not, but I have a feeling that since then, Jongdae has been praying that one day I will have an accident but not die.

Timidly, I looked up at Jongdae's father, pushing aside the shame and ego that had already settled in my veins.

“Chanyeol, you scare me with that look of yours.”

I jumped down from my wheelchair, crawled towards the feet of the father of someone whose body, future, and perhaps feelings I had destroyed.

“Chanyeol, what are you doing?” Uncle Kim tried to grab my shoulders and wake me up. “Get up or I’ll kick your head in.”

My head, lowered in shame, shook slightly. “I’m sorry.”

"What do you mean?"

“Maa… if you’ve heard it from me, then you’re free to cut off my head and hang it on Namsan Tower.” I winced, enduring the pain in my injured leg. “Actually, I-I’m the one who ruined Jongdae.”

There was no longer the light pat on my shoulder like before. Suddenly, the atmosphere became silent, the heavy rain seemed to drown out all the activities of the people in the hospital, the voices now only audible like thousands of bees calling to each other in my ears.

I wet my dry lips, the corner of my throat suddenly felt tight.

“The father of the creature in Jongdae's stomach is the result of my seed, not Sehun's.”

“What do you mean!” I winced when I heard Jongdae’s father’s voice turn into a growl.

“Jongdae never…” I said, hanging.Jongdae never cheated on Sehun.But somehow, my throat felt so heavy to say it, there was still doubt in my heart about this, even when I said it earlier, it felt so strange. “I was the one who got Jongdae pregnant, I was the one who gave Jongdae the abortion pill—”

“FUCK!”

I felt a kick of anger hit me in the gut, knocking me back. Several passersby let out startled cries of shock and confusion, their faces filled with shock.

“You. How dare you!”

I protected my face with both hands as Jongdae's father's hand rose high as if he was going to hit my face.

"Uncle!"

The scream distracted me from my fear.

“You?” Uncle Kim’s index finger shook angrily as he pointed at Sehun’s face, who was a few steps away. “How dare you lie to me!”

“What did you say, Uncle?” Sehun asked, confused. He glanced back and forth between me and Jongdae’s father, without the slightest intention of helping me up.

“Why did you lie to us that you were the one who got Jongdae pregnant?” Uncle Kim asked in a deep, low voice.

Sehun shook his head. “I’m not lying, I really did it with Jongdae.Hyungseveral times, I was even the first one to touch it.”

I clenched my fists in annoyance at all his nonsense.

I tried to crawl and reach my wheelchair.

“Uncle, you can trust me, your nephew.”

“Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie about her obsession with Jongdae.”

Sehun glared at me—who was already back in the wheelchair. “I. Am. The. Father. Of. That. Fucking. Fetus, Bastard!”

🥀🥀🥀