That's what it was like

Thousand-mile-hyang

It's been a while since I've written a letter, so I'm very sorry.

I don't know if you've had a good trip, but I still hope you're happy. I don't know what season it is over there, but it's spring here! I'm half-convinced that it's all your fault that my heart is itching in the cool weather and hot wind. I still have so much to say, but I'm so sorry that I have to leave you so cruelly. How dare you go first, as a subordinate? Even the greatest scholar in the world would be furious and run away.

Actually, I don't care what Confucius or Mencius said, but I put this phrase in here because I wanted to make it seem a little formal, so don't even think about making fun of me. To be honest, I haven't been doing too badly. For the first time in my life, I climbed up a sharp treetop and took in the best scenery with my own two eyes, and I was so excited by a flower drop flying by that I felt sorry that I couldn't help but laugh.

I didn't know all things were this beautiful. Oh, did you know that last time? There was a pretty large-scale battle going on, rescuing civilians and all, but strangely enough, only the two of us were injured. I'm sure you know this. But still, I got a cut on my face, and you came with a strange, large piece of iron stuck in your side, so I thought about my hardship. Here's where it starts. On the way, a little kid came up to me and said, do you know what he said? He gave me a flower and told me to look around while walking, because there were many things to see. At the time, I just laughed it off, patted his head, and walked on, but for a moment, I thought that maybe a kid of five or six is ​​smarter than an old man of eighty.

But do you know what a heavy man said after that? You were probably resting in your bed, groaning, so you wouldn't have heard. He asked, "Why were you injured in such a supposedly easy battle? Didn't you think we could fight harder after seeing us?" He then handed me four or five bills, saying they were for the repairs to the towers and pavilions that had collapsed during the fighting. I was incensed, so I asked who had said such things. His temper quickly subsided, and with a trembling hand, he pointed to someone. Since there were no civilian casualties, I wouldn't have thought so, but the man he pointed to was someone who had fought alongside me. I once again felt the foolishness of someone who, despite having firsthand experience in combat, wants to show off their own superiority by belittling others and taking all the credit for themselves. I've rambling on. Anyway, I have something to say. There are so many such people in the world, so don't try to find peace by sacrificing your life. Peace can only be achieved when everyone works together without impurity, but the people I mentioned are so prevalent that you're fooling yourself. Don't even think about restoring peace. Don't even try to be its shield. Social evils are bound to exist, so the kind of peace you envision will never come. If you make that your goal, know that you are just as stupid as those people.

The reason I stayed by your side, knowing I would die, was because I knew you were human. So, remember that you are human. Not some swordsman with a razor blade, but a human. Even so, you would ignore everything I say and just cut people down. But if you say this, when your time comes, you will know that I was right. Hmph. Anyway, you know nothing about worldly wisdom or anything. Don't regret it later.

Just in case, I'm saying this, put the knife in. It's a joke.

To be honest once more, when we're all about to die, regrets well up in my heart. I regret not being able to hold your hand properly on the way. I wish I could have at least held your sleeve. When we were all dead and ruined, only then did the world come into view and I realized how reckless we had been. It took a long time to realize that the refreshing breeze wasn't the cold wind, but the spring breeze, and that the hazy, whitish air wasn't the enemy's smokescreen, but blue smoke. We lived too hard. We've come too far, and we're stuck. Even if we were to recover and start over, I'd still live as I do now. I can't give you any specific direction on how to live from now on, but when you want to rest, just look up at the sky and take a look around you.

In the spring night, even the scent of the dark air is not unpleasant. The noise of the insects chirping and the sound of each thunderbolt blend together appropriately, making waves appear in my eyes as well. But don't even think about coming near me so early, and come and fill your eyes with the sky until you're tired of it. Now that I'm looking down, I want to look up too, so I wish I had seen it earlier. Don't come here with the scent of blood wafting around, but wash up first. Eat and sleep to your heart's content, and drink to your heart's content that favorite drink.

Do you know exactly what yeonmo means? It means to love while missing. I didn't know it at the beginning of my love for you, but now that it's all over, I understand what it means. Now I adore you completely. I admire you, respect you, and cherish you.

So when it's all over, run to me and tell me. I'll come out to meet you when you're near me, so just hug me and tell me that this world has become beautiful, that I never knew all things were so beautiful, just as you said. Show me your most beautiful eyes, entranced by ecstasy, and tell me so.





I opened my eyes. Judging by the fact that it was still dusk, I knew it had to be my nap. I smiled bitterly. Receiving a letter from someone I could no longer see wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, I felt like I'd become indifferent. It seemed like I was gradually forgetting the indifference, and when I tried to recall their faces, I couldn't quite recall them, and despaired.

I'm now indifferent to your mention. That fact breaks me down once again.

As time passed and the sky grew darker, it was the last faint ray of regret that was heard and then disappeared.





The reason I wrote this letter, going on and on about how it's spring, is probably all a messy byproduct of my foolishness and indecisiveness. I'm sorry for being selfish to the end, but I wish you were still alive. I'm already dead, so even if you criticize me for talking like that, please hold on to my lifeline so that I can see you from here. If we ever meet again, I'll go that way and stab you in the back with a knife, so please understand.

Well... since I'm dead, you can say it too. I'm in love with you too.