Chapter 2: Yesterday's Confession, Today's Distance
The studio was as busy as usual, but since yesterday, everyone’s mood had shifted.
ㅇㅇ put on her headphones and pretended nothing was wrong. Even though Yejoon’s confession from last night kept replaying in her mind, she had calmed herself.
What’s the point now? I already gave up.
At that moment, the door opened, and Yejoon walked in. Their eyes met briefly, but ㅇㅇ quickly looked away. Yejoon also exchanged greetings with the members without saying anything special.
“ㅇㅇ, I’ll give you the guide track for today’s recording.”
Noa approached.
“Okay, thanks.”
ㅇㅇ responded shortly.
“I’ll record first today, noona.”
Hamin stepped forward. Noa, Bambi, and Eunho couldn’t hide their anxious expressions.
The recording began, and soon it was Yejoon and Chaeyoung’s turn.
The two laughed, matched their tones, and even joked around a bit.
ㅇㅇ lowered her head.
See? I knew it. It was only a temporary feeling.
Her chest tightened. She was the one who had decided to move on, but it was more painful than she had imagined.
Watching her, Bambi whispered to Eunho.
“Eunho, ㅇㅇ is acting weird.”
“Yeah, it’s obvious to anyone.”
Eunho sighed softly and shot a glare at Yejoon.
Hyung... why do you always have no awareness at moments like this?
In front of the microphone, the two laughed and playfully tapped each other's hands.
They looked good together. Natural, and it was nice to watch.
I was sitting on the couch, but their laughter seemed to reach my ears through the headphones.
He must regret confessing, right?
Trying to act fine and smile was all shattered.
I just wanted it to end quickly. I wished no one would talk to me, that no one would look at me.
But for some reason, everyone seemed to be paying more attention to me.
Noa lingered near me, Hamin cracked a joke.
Bambi kept stealing glances at me, and Eunho, unusually, said less than usual.
They all knew. They knew what happened yesterday.
I forced myself to put on a neutral face. Still, my gaze kept drifting. Towards Yejoon.
The laughter.
The kind expressions.
The soft voices.
See? I knew it.
The words I had buried deep inside pricked at me once again.
The recording ended, and the mood was one of wrapping up.
I moved slowly, dragging my feet, stalling for time. I wondered if anyone would follow me if I left first.
I sat in the hallway by the vending machine on the first floor. The mechanical hum, the laughter, everything felt overwhelming.
It was something I had started because I liked it, but when did it change like this?
Then I heard quiet footsteps. Without opening my eyes, I knew who it was.
"yes."
Hannah.
“I want to be alone.”
I said it without even opening my mouth.
“Then I won’t leave you alone.”
Noa quietly sat next to me.
We stayed in silence for a while. The silence was strangely comforting.
“Everyone noticed what happened yesterday.”
Noa spoke cautiously. I didn’t turn my head but asked.
“Did he blurt it out?”
“No. Your expression gave it away.”
At those words, the expression I had tried to hide crumbled.
“Of course. Yejoon wouldn’t say anything. He’s always so kind. I’m the only one who thinks badly of him.”
I looked at Noa and asked.
“Why is it only me… getting so pathetic? Doesn’t it seem strange to you too?”
“You idiot. You’re not weird at all.”
Noa’s words were indifferent, but there was warmth in them.
Sitting next to Noa, I closed my eyes. Without saying anything, without expecting anything.
Sometimes, Noa casually tapped the back of my hand. Strangely, it comforted me.
“Should I slack off a bit more?”
He asked.
“Yeah.”
I answered briefly.
The hallway was still quiet. It felt like time had stopped.
Later, the phone vibrated.
The name ‘Yejoon’ appeared on the screen.
I stared at the screen for a moment before quietly turning it off.
Noa saw this but didn’t say anything. Instead, he slowly stood up.
“Let’s go back to the studio for now. I’ll buy us some time until you feel better.”
I nodded and followed him out.
When we returned to the studio, everyone had more or less finished cleaning up. They were packing their bags, organizing their earphones, and so on.
Yejoon glanced briefly in my direction but quickly looked away. I pretended I didn’t notice.
“Hey, let’s skip the meeting today.”
Noa said naturally.
“We’re all tired, right?”
“That’s right. I’m going to collapse as soon as I get home,” Bambi chimed in.
Eunho and Hamin also nodded quietly. It was clear they were all being considerate.
I simply gave a brief smile.
“Yeah.”
As I stepped out of the studio, someone cautiously called out from behind.
"yep."
It was Yejoon.
I paused for a moment but only nodded my head and continued walking.
Yejoon didn’t come any closer. He just stood there, frozen.
Neither of us could do anything.
Once I left him behind, the cold air brushed against my face. The air felt particularly chilly today.
I tightened my coat and trudged along, eventually turning toward the parking lot.
At that moment, a familiar car quietly pulled up next to me.
The driver’s window slowly rolled down, and Hamin’s face appeared.
“Noona, do you want me to drive you home?”
Hamin’s voice was cautious. He didn’t push, just offered gently.
I hesitated for a moment before nodding.
Without saying anything, Hamin opened the passenger door for me.
Hamin didn’t speak as he grabbed the wheel, waiting for me to speak before starting the car.
I quietly put on my seatbelt and looked out at the passing scenery.
“Drive slowly.”
I said softly, and Hamin gave a slight smile and nodded.
The car began to move, slowly and steadily.
Outside, everything seemed lonely, but strangely, the car felt warm.
The car drove quietly along the road. Hamin lowered the radio volume and placed his hand on the steering wheel, staring out the window.
“…Are you okay?”
Hamin’s voice was low and cautious. I didn’t answer immediately.
I knew. I knew Hamin’s feelings. The way he carefully circled around me.
That’s why I felt I shouldn’t lean on him too much. I didn’t want to be the person who used that kindness.
I quietly shook my head.
Hamin nodded silently without a word. And so, we sat there together in silence for a long while.
The car stopped at a red light. Hamin stared out the window before carefully speaking again.
“I tried telling some stupid jokes to make you laugh today.”
I looked at him. Hamin didn’t look at me, only stared out the window, as though afraid he’d crumble if our eyes met.
I smiled faintly.
“It was kind of funny.”
I meant it. Hamin’s heart was warm and clumsy, but it was because of that I was able to endure.
Hamin finally smiled a little.
“I’m glad.”
When we arrived in front of my house, Hamin parked the car and stayed still for a long while.
“If you want to be alone, I can leave, but if not… I’ll stay, even if it’s just in silence.”
I grabbed the door handle and hesitated for a moment.
Hamin didn’t rush or pressure me. He simply waited.
In the end, I gently shook my head.
“I’m fine.”
Hamin nodded slowly.
“Okay. But… I mean it. Anytime.”
Those words lingered strangely in my chest.
I closed the door and stood there until the car drove away.
Hamin slowly disappeared, as though he was reluctant to leave me, moving slowly as if apologizing for parting.
After the car had completely disappeared, I lowered my head.
I thought to myself that I shouldn’t take advantage of the loneliness I felt and the kindness Hamin offered.
I needed to be alone. Until I could be okay on my own.
The empty street.
The chilly air.
The heart that still wasn’t settled.
I slowly began walking toward home.
Swallowing today’s emotions, as if trying to push them down.
That night, ㅇㅇ took a shower alone and stood in front of the mirror, letting out a deep sigh.
She wiped her face with her hand, still damp, and thought about what happened yesterday.
Whenever Yejoon’s confession came to mind, something inside her chest painfully tightened.
She knew that Yejoon had said those words in earnest, but he had been drunk, and she understood what kind of meaning he might have had behind those words.
She took out her phone and checked the message from Yejoon, but she no longer wanted to read it.
She didn’t want to make others uncomfortable just because of her emotions.
ㅇㅇ realized she just had to distance herself from him. If she held onto those feelings, she would only get hurt again.
If she gave up, there would be no reason for things to repeat themselves.
I stared out the window, unable to sleep.
Before I knew it, it was dawn. The time between darkness and morning, an ambiguous hour.
I tried to recall the past. The days when we were all in high school. Back then, we made a simple promise.
“Let’s all make a song together.”
That innocent and simple vow was the beginning of everything.
We dreamed vaguely. The stage, music, the future.
At that time, Chaeyoung was already from another world.
While we were still running around the school hallways, she was already singing on stage.
She was a famous name we watched on TV. Lee Chaeyoung.
Yejoon liked her. It was simple fan affection.
He would always say how much he liked Chaeyoung’s voice, how beautiful her lyrics were, how he would set aside studying and just play guitar. It was a name he repeated like a habit.
So, the five of us kept writing songs.
They were awkward, but we were desperate. Clumsy, but sincere.
Yejoon, on his own, had a new goal.
‘Someday, I want to write a song for Chaeyoung.’
I learned of that wish by chance.
So, I worked harder. I wanted to make that dream he’d watched since he was young a reality, something within reach.
After a long struggle, we finally joined a label. We were inexperienced producers, but we were dedicated. As time passed, we eventually ended up on a project with Chaeyoung.
“Wow, this is amazing. We’re really working with Chaeyoung.”
The first time we were tied to Chaeyoung’s name, Yejoon’s eyes sparkled. I was happy too, seeing him so excited. We had all accomplished this together; it was our collective dream.
At first, it felt like that.
It really did.
But as time passed, something changed.
Yejoon still worked hard on the songs. He was serious and dedicated. But sometimes, he casually praised Chaeyoung.
“Chaeyoung’s voice is amazing. Her lyrics are really good.”
I laughed and agreed.
“Yeah, she’s awesome.”
I asked with a hint of teasing.
“If you like her that much, why don’t you confess? Seems like if Chaeyoung confessed, you’d accept.”
It was a light-hearted, joking tone.
Yejoon laughed quietly and casually replied.
“She’d probably accept. But, well, that won’t happen.”
His casual words, thrown out as if it didn’t matter.
At that moment, I felt like cold water had been splashed over me.
I tried to laugh it off, but something quietly settled in my heart.
‘Ah, it’s real.’
I thought that.
No, I made myself believe it.
After some time, Yejoon started talking less about Chaeyoung.
Maybe he was aware of it, or maybe he was trying to distance himself.
I knew.
A producer couldn’t let personal feelings mix in their work, or it would all fall apart.
Yejoon knew that too. So he tried his best to hide his feelings.
He just quietly kept his place, focused on being a producer.
I watched him and felt an inexplicable sense of loneliness.
One day, it happened.
It was a late night when we were working hard. I passed by the studio hallway and happened to overhear.
The conversation leaked through the door.
“…I like you, oppa.”
That familiar voice. Chaeyoung.
I froze in place. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I instinctively stepped back, afraid they would hear my footsteps.
I couldn’t listen anymore. I didn’t want to hear it.
Turning away, it felt as if my heart had been torn apart.
After that day, I couldn’t listen to anything Yejoon said fully. He and Chaeyoung were just like before. Still looking good together, with no awkwardness between them. Had they become a couple? I wasn’t sure.
To avoid getting in the way, I tried to distance myself from Yejoon. I also made some resolves.
But was it that easy?
When Yejoon asked me why I was trying to distance myself from him, my heart wavered.
The more Yejoon came closer, the more complicated all these feelings became.
Was he coming to me simply to comfort me, or did he genuinely like me?
After hearing his confession, I tried to act like it didn’t matter, but the more I did that, the more my heart became confused.
So, his actions, his gentle gaze…
His words, “I like you,” maybe they were just a simple misunderstanding.
Maybe it was just him trying to comfort me while I was struggling, maybe his heart was complicated because of Chaeyoung. Maybe he had tried to lean on me for that reason.
I told myself that was all it was.
No, I wanted to believe that.
Because that was the only way I could endure this pain.
The dawn was unnecessarily long, and only in the endless passing time did my heart slowly settle down.