5 years ago, 5 years later

Ep.21 You

이여주[19]

“Which ward is patient Lee Tae-kyung, 39, in?”

Nurse: "Patient Lee Tae-kyung? Just a moment."

Nurse: "He was transferred to the intensive care unit yesterday. Are you the patient's guardian? Taekyung asked that only his guardian be allowed in."

이여주[19]

“Yes, it’s my daughter.”

Knock. The ICU door opened. I didn't knock. It was a timid protest, not wanting to observe such courtesy.

이태경[39]

“This woman...? This woman, right..?”

Taekyung, that is, Yeoju's father, was lying down and was surprised that Yeoju had come.

이태경[39]

“My lady... My lady.”

이여주[19]

“Stop calling me”

이태경[39]

“I didn’t know you’d come... I thought I’d die, left alone like this.”

The woman pulled out a chair next to her and sat down. She hadn't bought any fruit or anything.

His face and body were thin, reduced to nothing but skin, and his once handsome face had sunken cheeks and chapped lips.

The cigarettes I smoked since middle school and the alcohol I drank with women all the time eventually turned into illness.

Actions have consequences. Whether you take a big or small turn, you will inevitably be punished.

And when you know this truth

It's only when you're almost dead that you realize it.

이태경[39]

“I’m sorry, lady.”

Maybe this person is about to die

이여주[19]

“Sorry...? You’re sorry...?”

The heroine jumped up from her seat.

이여주[19]

“Do you think I came here to hear such nonsense?”

이여주[19]

"Why are you saying sorry? You should have just kept thinking about it and let your heart ache."

이여주[19]

"If you're going to die, just die. You know there's no going back after everything."

이여주[19]

“Do you know how many people you’ve hurt, who you’ve killed, who you’ve tried to kill, and who you’ve made want to die?”

이태경[39]

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Tears flowed from Taekyung's eyes, brushing the oxygen tent and dripping down his neck. Even crying seemed too much, and he clutched the collar of his shirt near his heart in agony.

The heroine also shed tears. They were tears of pain from the past 19 years. She had accepted an apology so easily.

I should have just carved my name, Subin's name, and my mother's name on my chest for the rest of my life and eaten away at my heart.

He's the only one apologizing comfortably

I'm the only one being fooled, because I knelt down and begged for an apology like that five years ago.

This human is disgusting.

And what's more disgusting is

me

이여주[19]

“No, I don’t see why we have to break up.”

이여주[19]

"I'm so sorry, okay? So please give me one more chance."

In the end, I told Subin

There was a person like this one before me, crying and atoning for the past.

여주 아빠

"You don't think you'll ever be like me? No, you're too much like me. Selfish, insensitive to others' feelings, and driven by your own. That's just you."

여주 아빠

“I told you, you are human just like me.”

I only cared about my feelings, only my thoughts mattered.

Under the pretext of helping people overcome trauma

I was tormenting you again. It wasn't for the purpose of overcoming trauma.

It's just my selfishness to want to be friends with you again

I don't imagine things like this because I know full well that "if" is just "if" and not feasible.

Just live well in the present and don't imagine what if in the future

The way I live well now is by staying away from you and making you comfortable.

Friday, October 30, 2020. Patient Tae-kyung Lee, 39 years old.

"He died at 6:29 this evening from sudden cardiac arrest."

이여주[19]

“In the end, I couldn’t kill the person I wanted to kill so badly, and I died first.”

This man, my lifelong demon, faced me again, covered in a white cloth.

이여주[19]

“I went alone and felt comfortable.”

이여주[19]

"I am"

이여주[19]

“It still hurts so much.”

The heroine blinked, trying to hold back her tears, but they flowed and fell onto her lips. It was so salty.

The heroine clutched her chest and collapsed. She pounded her palms on the ground, screaming and sobbing like a child unable to contain her anger.

I've always lived with a hatred for this human being. But now it's gone.

I felt a sense of doubt about life.

What did I live for? What did I hate so much?

It's all over. The hatred and anger in my life are over.

This human being is now leaving to turn to ashes.

My anger and hatred also turn to ashes and tears and fly away.

All my emotions have turned to ashes and flown away, so now I can see

What should I do?

Letting go of Subin

Just as I was freed from my father, I will free Soobin from the hell that is the country.

It was destined to end up like this

When I came out of the hospital after washing my face with cold water, the sun was already setting.

No thoughts came to mind, and the chains that had bound my heart loosened.

This is the second time I'm breaking up with Subin.

How selfish of me to throw you away for your own sake, and then bring you back for myself.

I'm going to kick you out again for your sake

Just like 5 years ago

최수빈[19]

“.......”

Truly, my life is a series of coincidences. When I think of you, you stand before my eyes.

When you saw me, you turned around and tried to avoid me with quick steps.

I have to let you go. I have to let you go like this.

이여주[19]

“Wait a minute, Subin.”

I'm really selfish

This is how I want you

Wouldn't you be disgusted to see a day like this?

You must be having a really hard time, right?

you

It's hard to love me and I shouldn't love you

이여주[19]

“Just give me one last chance, even if it’s just for one hour.”

I'll be shameless for an hour, just for the last hour

Accept the selfish me

Ep.21 You