Wintering
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The weather has gotten quite cold. I took out the dusty padding that had been sitting in the closet for a long time. I couldn't help but feel how huddled it was inside the closet. The flattened padding absorbed the air outside the closet and swelled, straightening out its crumpled cross-section. The flying dust clumps scattered into the air.
It might be better to just leave it to the dry cleaners... It's a real hassle to have to do major renovations to replace your wardrobe every year when the seasons change. Especially when the winter season approaches, the hangers at home are all torn up in an instant just by wearing padded jackets, fleece jackets, mustangs, fleece hoodies, and winter coats.
When I spend all day putting away and taking out clothes from previous seasons, I often unintentionally discover things I had forgotten or thought I had lost. A black turtleneck. This is the last piece of clothing I saved for today. The black turtleneck, which had made its appearance after a long time, had a thick layer of white dust piled up around the shoulder line. I roughly shook it off with my hands. Only then did the deep black color settle, revealing its true form. I naturally brought the sleeve up to smell it. Sniff sniff. It must have been stored in the closet for a long time because it smelled refreshingly like a closed closet.
Yeah, there's no way it'd remain. I felt a little disappointed. Maybe it was an illusion that I'd remembered something I'd forgotten.
It looks really funny.
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***
"Oh, you're wearing that black turtleneck?"
"huh?"
"I always say, it suits you well"
"Suddenly? Haha"
Park Sung-ho's lips twitched awkwardly at my pointless words, and the back of his straight neck had turned a subtle blush. I turned to him and asked, "Do you remember when we first met?"
"Oh, it was a club party?"
"Yeah, I fell in love with you at first sight when I first saw you. You were wearing that black turtleneck back then too."
He chuckled and recalled memories from five years ago.
*
Five years ago, Yeoju, who was a freshman, met Park Sungho at a club after-party. After mindlessly accepting the drinks from the mischievous seniors, she slumped her upper body on the table as if she was already half dead. This was the result of her viciously ordering the rookie to drink, pour, and spill.
At that moment, a strange arm snatched Yeoju's glass away. Park Sungho, who was sitting there indifferently wearing a black turtleneck, emptied Yeoju's glass naturally. Perhaps he felt sorry for her, so he took Yeoju's glass away and exchanged it with his own empty glass repeatedly.
At that time, Yeo-ju saw the face of Park Sung-ho for the first time. He was famous for being a business major, but she seemed to understand why the people in the department called him the beauty of the business department. It was even more so when she saw him up close. Thin, slender eyes, a high nose, and a slender jawline. It reminded her of the woman drawn in the portrait of a beauty. If she had been born in the Joseon Dynasty, she would have caused a stir in the capital because of the prostitution scandal. So how could she not fall for him after seeing a face like that? She was one of the few people like that, so Yeo-ju Kim fell for him. She showed the spirit of a freshman, thinking that Yeo-ju Kim was not a bulldozer. Park Sung-ho looked at Yeo-ju, who was rushing at him, in confusion, but did not push her away. Why did he give her an opening? Yeo-ju was desperately looking for a corner to push through.
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*
Strangely enough, she was around me all the time. I thought she was the kind of kid who liked to approach anyone without hesitation, but she was loitering in front of me like a country puppy. She started to talk a lot in front of me and acted a little awkwardly. Before I knew it, my eyes were following her. Should I say I was concerned? What kind of emotion was this? Before I could even think about it, you pushed yourself into me.
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Even after five years together, you were really something I couldn't get a hold of. Even when I was going crazy over my favorite dessert, you would always offer me a bite and say, "Try this," to see how I would react. You would repeatedly put your dessert in my mouth until I said it was delicious. I never touched dessert while working out, but I gained weight because of the bites you gave me. I used to think that moderation was my strong point. But somehow, you would stop me. I don't understand why you keep pushing me that dessert you always hummed so much about. Well, I think this is just cuteness...
As the rainy season approached, I was extremely nervous.
When it rained while we were on a date outside, she would immediately run outside and get soaked to the bone. Like a fish in water. As someone who checks the weather forecast every morning, an umbrella was always on standby, but for her, the umbrella was just a decoration. She would run outside without giving me a chance to stop her. Her bashful smile made me sigh. It was amazing how she liked getting rained on so much and didn't even care about the discomfort.
Sniff sniff..-
Yeoju would stick her nose behind my back. She would often stick her nose in my clothes and sniff them, saying that the fabric smelled good. I would snicker and say, “Where’s that little shit going?” Yeoju especially liked this black turtleneck. She said it suited me well and whenever I wore it, she would hug me tightly and not let go. Before I knew it, my turtleneck was covered in Yeoju’s scent. The sweet peach scent was just like Yeoju’s taste. It seemed like her goal was to cover her body odor. There was nothing on my clothes that didn’t smell like Yeoju’s scent. Somehow, the existence of Yeoju Kim was an immutable law that always existed in my life. Of course, until you left me.
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*
Ten days before she left, I only found out that she wasn't feeling well. She had been raised in a hospital as a child, and had a lonely childhood. She was a girl who dreamed of going to school like normal people, making memories with friends, and falling in love with someone she liked. Fortunately, the young girl recovered after a long hospital stay. She regained her health and was able to continue living without needing hospital IVs or a wheelchair. She took the high school qualification exam for her future and was accepted into the university she wanted. She was able to eat the desserts she had always wanted to eat as much as she wanted, and she could feel the raindrops she had always seen outside the window of her hospital bed. And what was even better was that she no longer had to smell the alcohol and strong podmalin smell in the hospital. Now, she felt confident that she could do anything. In this way, Yeoju made friends who she liked while attending college and met the person she had always dreamed of. Kim Yeoju's life was a series of happy days. She didn't know that the illness that had been suffocating her since childhood had returned.
With three months left, she couldn't be honest with him.
*
That's how I found out about her condition ten days before we were to break up. I thought I only felt betrayed and hated by her when she suddenly announced her breakup. Her mother came to me and found out about her blatant lie. She was so selfish to the end that she hurt me so much that the wounds continued to dig deeper without any sign of healing.
"...It's raining"
Seongho opened the window curtains and sat down in front of Yeoju's bed.
"...Did you bring an umbrella?" Yeo-ju asks weakly. Park Sung-ho shakes his head, "...no," and looks at Yeo-ju intently.
"What's going on... that thorough Mr. Park Sung-ho?" Yeo-ju asked in a joking tone. Seong-ho smiled bitterly. It was probably an forced smile, but he gently grabbed Yeo-ju's hand. Yeo-ju held back her emotions from welling up at the touch of his hand, which was always filled with the same affection.
side.-
Seongho lightly kissed Yeoju on the forehead. It was Seongho's way of comforting Yeoju. Seongho also understood that Yeoju felt guilty for not being honest with him. Although his heart ached because he couldn't ease that pain, he couldn't show it in front of her.
"...I smell a lot?" Yeo-ju was concerned about the hospital smell. She wanted to avoid showing her smelly appearance to Park Sung-ho, who was usually neat and tidy. However, Park Sung-ho answered my question without any discomfort, "No, I don't." As he looked at Yeo-ju affectionately, his eyes were full of sincerity. The more she wondered, 'Why do you love me so much?', the more bitter it was to Yeo-ju about Park Sung-ho's depth. The regret of wondering how long she could hold on to that love.
Yeo-ju hugged Park Sung-ho. Just a little more... just a little more.
I wanted to smell that foolishness one last time. His warmth. I loved him until the end.
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***
Winter comes quickly. It's been three months since she left me. It was a time when life couldn't function properly. I couldn't sleep properly, and I didn't even have the will to swallow anything. I just wanted to see you. Except for your belongings scattered around the house, the empty room without you was just gathering dust.
"When did time pass like this..."
I was lost in thought for a moment while organizing my closet. I think I rewinded a long memory while thinking of you. I saw your face in the memories that passed by like a film.
You were smiling. Your face, like that time, when you buried your face in this turtleneck and hugged me tightly...
I want to see you again.
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