There are times when you have to live as if you don't know shame. No, quite a lot. Since their debut, Byte Me has received the most love calls, being called to editorial offices and media outlets everywhere. As the stock price plummeted, CEO Lee's wrinkles grew, and the Melo Entertainment family couldn't help but share in that gloomy atmosphere. That was just a month ago. The CEO, who had previously secretly regarded Dosoi as a golden calf, now saw tangible results, and his gaze shifted even further, treating her like a sacred vessel. "If you think the question is stinking, you guys should cover it up," he said. "Things like 'bad comments' and 'ideal types' are unavoidable. Personal questions are inevitable, but if possible, let Soi speak first." He even arranged the perfect interview cut for the occasion. The other members, while slyly complaining about being treated like a screen, didn't dare to take it seriously. In any case, her success alone is significant. That's what matters. The subtle anxiety that they might disband without a word was greatly relieved at this turning point, with Soyi standing tall. Regardless of how things turn out in the future, the burden of debt they now owe is already too heavy to bear. However, the remaining members' fate is to never let this awkward atmosphere show, no matter what. Even if they shamelessly ride the popularity of others, they must pretend ignorance, remain bright and cheerful, and smile with a steely face.
So, just like now.
"Our 'Let's Eat Dinner Together' is a hot topic with its hot cast. As soon as the article came out, it became the number one search term on various online communities. Did you know the response would be this hot already, Soi?"
"I heard the news from someone I know, but it didn't really feel real at the time. More than anything, I'm just really dazed to be in the same space as such great seniors."
"Wow, the star of five million commercials is so humble."
"Ah... no. Rather than saying it's all my fault, I think it's the hard work the Byte Me members have put in so far that has finally come to light."
Soyi, smiling brightly, turned around and asked.
"Among them, our leader Yeoju Deok is the biggest. Right, Yeoju?"
The host's gaze slid from her to me. He paused, his mind still chopping ingredients on the cutting board. If he'd been just a little more alert, he could have easily cut his finger. It's not that I couldn't read between the lines of the conversation through my pierced ear, but I hadn't even the slightest inkling that it would lead directly to this, so instead of a quick reply, a small sigh escaped me. The guests lined up at the slightly rounded, I-shaped table. Words thrown from a short distance rang in my ears. "So-i-nim, but Yeo-ju-nim?" How unexpected. He was a member of a boy band I'd only spoken to a few times. I rolled my eyes, unsure of how to react to the unwelcome looks and remarks, before finally chuckling.
"It's not always like that, everyone did a good job without picking on anyone."
"It seems like the affection between the members, both Soi and Yeoju, is quite strong."
The experienced girl ties the knot appropriately. The center camera #2 zooms in on So-yi and me, then quickly returns to its original position. Affection, closeness. These are nice words, but I can't help feeling reluctant. Aren't all such adjectives attached on equal footing? I hate it when these thoughts keep pouring cold water on the already well-being, I hate it. The heat from the lights in front of me. The feeling in my fingertips strangely dulls. Jo Won, a former actor who is quite passionate about cooking, leaves, saying he will bring seasoning. Water begins to boil gently next to his rolled-up arm.
The host's steps, having passed Soyi and behind her, stopped at the true protagonist, perhaps the very proof of the "hot cast" and "topic" he'd previously eloquently proclaimed. At that point, all focus was on him. Jungkook, of course. Despite his growing popularity, he hadn't appeared on any broadcasts outside of his own content for the past year. Was there a special reason he decided to appear on this program? The mere mention of his name elicited a surge of interest. With the person who could have been his only shield now far away, his sidelong glances instinctively drifted in that direction. The sound of dripping water. The silent profile of him washing vegetables in the central sink gave a clear answer that didn't seem to reflect much thought.
"I like cooking. My fans like it too."
"Oh my, I'm a bit surprised you like cooking. You're good at everything, but isn't it a bit of a stretch to say you're good at this too?"
"I'm not good at it, I just like it."
"These days, just being a man interested in cooking is a huge advantage. Isn't that right, Miss Yeoju?"
Thank goodness the knife is dull. This time, instead of the onion, my knuckles almost got slaughtered. It's not the stinging pain in my eyes that makes me cry, but the constant pounding and squeezing of my heart. Still, these are situations where I'm not the center of attention. Caught in the middle, feeling like dust, completely disintegrated and small, and even having to add a little exclamation point, I can't tell if this is a cooking show or a talk show audience appearance. I look up at the host, then at the situation behind him, then suddenly our eyes lock, then at the white, peeled onion stalk... "Oh, yes, that's right," I say, finally. No matter how I think about it, this is the best option. Why, a thin, half-assed answer is a million times better than an excited, over-the-top answer. Fortunately, with just one word, all eyes turn without any unnecessary detail. After that, I calm down and continue preparing the ingredients. The host, who had been flexibly engaging in tiki-taka with Jo Won, who had returned late, seemed satisfied and leisurely left to find his next prey.
Jeongguk, who had not taken his eyes off me yet, walks briskly in the opposite direction. Suddenly, he appears next to me and grabs the tip of the knife that was being cut.
"hey."
"uh..."
"When you cut onions, do you cut your fingers as well? Normally?"
...That can't be.
Bite Me
W. Yeonmang"How did that happen?"
Yuje asked as he changed the bandage. He said that the medicine bottle had run out of bandages, so he had nothing left but this childish thing. I raised my finger to the ceiling as if I liked it. The yellow character band caught the light and glowed from the outside.
"It doesn't really show, does it?"
"Yes... If you cover it well, it won't be noticeable."
"Okay then."
"Hey, it's not like that. How did you get hurt?"
"I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know."
Under the persistent questioning, I collapsed on the floor in the dance studio like a three-year-old. It was a rare sight in front of my younger siblings, but Yuje looked down, already fed up. He remained sullen for a while before straightening his bent knees and jumping up. "Okay, just ask Soi." I watched her heels clack as she walked away from me, wondering how she could lie so clumsily. The point was, the injury had occurred after the two of us appeared on TV together yesterday, and since she didn't seem inclined to tell the truth, she was going to look elsewhere. But how could Dosoi be the kind of person to tell such a thing? It wasn't even her business, it was Seo Yeo-ju's. Yuje knew that and had the intelligence to not bother me. He fiddled with the bandage on his index finger. It wasn't something to hide, but it wasn't something to brag about, so he figured it would be better not to say anything. I could have applied the medicine myself, but somehow Yuje caught me and I ended up like this. It was a deep cut. It hurt. It hurt, and when someone asked if it hurt, it hurt even more. I couldn't stand that kind of thing.
The program trailer was out. It was a short 30-second clip. The scenes where I was introduced were limited to the main cast, with me being introduced through screen captures of the other cast members. Still, what was this? I was anxious to see if I'd see my name after clicking on the description and scrolling through the cast credits, but it seems the broadcasting company has that kind of consideration. It did manage to get over a hundred thousand views, but the comments below were all real. Philip's fans dominated the rankings, from most popular to most recent, while the rest were either fans familiar with Soyi's commercials or comments from the general public. These two were the only ones that stood out, and even though I hadn't expected it, I pressed the back button with a bitter aftertaste. "Yeah, so far, so good. Good." The problem was, it was a week later. Soyi had already been filmed for a commercial, so we sat down on a chair together at the concept photo shoot. The first episode aired. When So-rang and I came out, the members said "Oh" and when Jungkook came out, Han-seol especially said "Wow". After that, we were just looking at each other with a smile, and when the lower bar was almost at the end, Dayeon suddenly asked that question.
"Sister. Were you next to Soi?"
"huh."
"But why can't I see it all the time?"
"......"
"Hey, no. What are you talking about? I can hear your voice."
"What you see is different from what you hear."
Leaving me speechless, Yuje slapped her thigh, signaling her to be quiet. But then Hanseol...
"No way, did all of the female lead's scenes get edited out?!"
"......"
Critical. The end. Those piercing words drained me of my very essence, and I helplessly handed over the role of phone stand to Hanseol and stepped aside for a moment. Soon, I heard a murmur from behind me, knowingly or unknowingly. "What are you fighting about?" "That's right, a full-on edit." At first, an inexplicable sense of indignation and bitterness dominated, but after leaving the set and getting some fresh air, a more realistic perspective returned. "So that's why you have to grab onto anything, CEO." If I have nothing special, at least gain recognition. If I'm a worthless person, even if it means borrowing what others have. Those words, which had previously felt so cruel, now seem to make sense. Broadcasting is just broadcasting, and while my main job is to always diligently pursue it, my role as an idol will be fulfilled, my role as a female lead is not. I'm embarrassed to answer a call from home. I had to succeed, no matter what. So, I couldn't let this much go. If there was ever a time to live without shame, it would still be now.
Actors, idols, and celebrities who are or have become somewhat popular are all gathered together, making it cumbersome to schedule them all at once. This is also why the filming cycle has become so extended. Even when the first episode was released, filming for the second episode hadn't even begun. Thanks to the announcement that the series would air every two weeks, not every week, from the time the article was published, we gained time to film. The director used the cheat code of a well-rounded cast, but like a skeptical and demanding member of society, he had planned the show to be a hit, so he spread it out a bit. When he heard that the first episode only had a 13% viewership rating, he regretted not planning it more tightly. After the broadcast, Jungkook's fandom went wild, as expected, and Soyi received more offers for future variety shows. For some reason, I became slightly more famous. Just a tiny bit. It was all thanks to Jungkook's intervention in the final scene, when my finger almost got cut off. The members were sulking at the poor director and editor, saying that they only show their faces when there's an accident, but I didn't think that was true either. Even if he had quietly lost his hand, they wouldn't have even looked at him if he wasn't supposed to. And if Jungkook, who was supposed to be, had said something, no matter how trivial it was, they would have automatically focused on him.
Bite Me
"Oh, yes."
The road was deserted at dawn. My manager, looking more impatient than usual, turned around and gestured to me from behind the driver's seat. I opened the car door and dialed a number. The call was long. With no sign of disconnection, I briskly walked back up to the dorm. The white hallway light flickered on in the shoe rack. I kicked off my lace-up boots, which were difficult to put back on, and all I could see was someone's dressing room, the only bright light in the darkness.
"I have to go out now."
"It's 4:40."
"It's been a long 40 minutes."
"What's that? The manager usually tells you to bring the time forward."
"Soy."
Soyi's gaze, which was dry as she was trying on a white blouse and a brown knit cardigan in front of a mirror attached to the wall, was fixed on her.
"Today is comeback day."
"......"
"We... have to do well. Really."
My grip on the doorknob weakened. Sometimes, really, sometimes, I wish Dosoi were less like her. Even though I knew I was in a position I couldn't control, that I should always bow down and step in, I did it anyway. With a sigh, Soi tossed the hangers in her hands onto the floor and draped a beige coat over her clothes. She brushed her long hair from the back of her neck as she brushed past me. I followed her, my mind racing, and just in time, a call from her manager arrived. Just as I was about to answer, the person who'd gone ahead of me turned and snapped at me.
"Seo Yeo-ju, you do it yourself. Is it your job to take care of men?"
The vibration that couldn't be stopped in my hand continued intermittently, punctuated by the ringing of the bell. Soyi exited through the door. Left behind, I, too, quickly followed. Before I had time to comprehend the noise, or perhaps even the energy to, the van carrying everyone slid through the dim dawn, leaving behind only a white cloud of smoke.
Bite Me
"What are you thinking, Sister Yeoju?"
"Huh? Oh, no."
"Isn't it hell to only eat cabbage during the promotional period? Oh, I'm already hungry. I'm going to faint."
Hanseol, pressed against the waiting room sofa, placed a hand on her forehead and pretended to groan pitifully. Even though she was seriously thinking about it, she found it so funny that she let out a weak laugh. "No, we have to go on stage—" I patted her shoulder and laughed. Hanseol leaned back against the back of the sofa, turning her head. "You'll do great. The response was good, and you all worked hard, didn't you? Sometimes, even kids who haven't even graduated from high school can be better than adults." I couldn't find the words to say, so I just stroked my cubic nail and stared at the floor. "You worked hard. It's ridiculous not to know that." But what I'm afraid of right now is that our group's aspirations might not align with mine. My excessive greed might not only eat away at me, but could also have a negative impact on the members. I'm already overflowing with happiness, so why do I keep looking up? As if I'm the only one on the floor. The cubic fell with a click. At the same time, the waiting room door opened. "I'll go to the next stage," the busy staff member recited and stepped aside. Hanseol, as if she'd been waiting, jumped up from the sofa and grabbed my hand, pulling me along.
"It's time already? Let's go now."
"Okay, let's go."
Bite Me
On my way back to the waiting room in such a daze,
"Hello, seniors-"
"Oh, yes, hello."
I met Philip, who was probably next in line after Sanok. Didn't they say next week? I was secretly hoping it would be next week anyway... Hanseol, who greeted me enthusiastically, was the first to greet me, and everyone bowed quickly. Unlike the day we'd met at work, it wasn't a time for leisurely chatter; everyone just said hello and quickly retreated to their respective positions. Meanwhile, I saw Jungkook. He had thick eyebrows, his hair down, a leather jacket that didn't suit the weather, and heavier makeup than usual. I didn't mean to look, but I wasn't trying to avoid it either, but it takes a lot of willpower to not look at the most striking person among all the people who stand out. But what on earth was he looking at? I glanced at the place Jungkook had just glanced past. My left hand, where he'd been holding the microphone. My left hand.
"... ah."
The wound healed without a scar. Back then, I treated him like an idiot, but he really is a person you never know.