_Unknown date 1942
“Really… Sir, is that true?”
The last news of their comrade, whom they had never heard of, was heartbreaking. As Taehyun lowered his head, Hoseok suppressed his outburst of emotion. Such a brilliant person... What should I do... What should I do... . All of Soobin's elders were dead or had lost contact, leaving only his mother, so Taehyung and Jimin took over his body and brought it back to Joseon. The two remained silent as they brought the urn. The final body, wrapped in a pure white cloth, was peaceful. Only those left behind were wailing. Soobin's ashes told no tales of what they had done, of how they had endured such pain. Thus, Soobin died alone.
Taehyun and Namjoon headed to Bukgando to fetch Soobin's mother. Namjoon remained silent on the train. His heart pounded, and it felt like a punishment. How far had they come? They must have passed Pyongyang when the military police came in. They said they were checking tickets and the presence of the Bulyeongseon passengers. The people nodded obediently and complied. It was a move to avoid bloodshed. Since they had disguised themselves as brothers heading to Bukgando after their mother's death, there was no tension.
“Why did you take the train to Jiandao?(Why did you take the train to Gando?)”
“This is because his mother passed away and he is returning to his hometown of Keijo Police Station.(I am returning home from Gyeongseong after my mother's death.)”
Several military police nodded at Namjoon's explanation. One military policeman aimed his gun at Taehyun, who was sitting blankly by the window. Silence fell on the train.
“Why doesn't this person say anything?(Why isn't this guy saying anything?)”
“ Even though he's my brother, I can't say anything.(He is my younger brother, but he is mute.)”
“Show me your ID.(Show me your ID.)”
The military policeman, upon seeing the ID, tossed it back, seemingly annoyed. Namjoon accepted it and sat down next to Taehyun. The train's noise gradually subsided. Strangely, only then did his legs begin to tremble. Namjoon disembarked and bowed deeply to the ground. The scent of the earth permeated his lungs. The scent of home permeated the air, yet he felt no joy. Namjoon hurried his steps toward the place he longed for, the place he no longer wanted to go to. Taehyun followed. Namjoon cleared his throat at the sight of his grimy appearance reflected in the puddle. In a low, hoarse voice, Namjoon spoke.
“Aunt.”
I'm here.
It was Taehyun's first time seeing Soobin's mother. She was tall and neatly dressed in a white hanbok. Taehyun bowed deeply. Soobin's mother nodded.
“I told you to die.”
"Soobin's mother said," Namjoon said, turning to look at his aunt.
“If you really want to fight for independence, don’t beg for your life like Mr. Ahn (referring to Ahn Jung-geun, who assassinated Ito Hirobumi). If you get caught, die with dignity.”
“……”
She gestured for him to come in and sit down. Taehyun followed. Namjoon was left standing alone. "What are you doing? Why aren't you coming in?" he asked his aunt. Namjoon simply knelt on the dirt floor. His aunt's eyes widened in puzzlement at this action.
“Aunt, I…….”
Namjoon spoke intermittently with his head down.
“I don’t think I’m worthy of seeing my aunt.”
"...It's a pointless feeling of guilt. That child chose it. Even if you and I had tried to stop him, he would have done the same thing."
“No, Aunt. I think….”
Namjoon raised his head and looked at Soobin's mother. Tears flowed silently behind his glasses. The premature rustle of insects could be heard. The military police's boots and the laughter and chatter of people trampled the insects' tiny, life-threatening cries.
"I... I feel like I couldn't protect that child... It feels like it's all my fault. Even if I hadn't said that back then, that day... Subin would still be with us. I feel like... I ruined everything."
If only he had embraced Subin a little more. Regardless of how much he had invested in the independence movement, his patriotic heart would have been the same. He couldn't understand how someone like him, someone who held life precious, falling like a fleeting cherry blossom petal, could have expected so much from Subin. On the train to Manchuria, he couldn't help but reflect on himself. Was he truly qualified to criticize Subin? Was he truly qualified to condemn a young man who had died alone in a foreign land?
A suffocating silence flowed in the yard. Then, a man wearing the same school uniform as Soobin rushed through the rag fence. He momentarily lost his composure, then handed a small booklet to Soobin's mother. She covered her mouth when she saw the name written at the end of the booklet. Then, in a halting, shaky voice, she spoke to Taehyun.
“I’m blind… Could you please read it to me…?”
The man watched the book being passed to Taehyun before leaving. Taehyun slowly read through it.
“The sky and… the wind and… the stars and….”
His lips trembled. Namjoon finished with a familiar, yet sad ending.
"…city."
Taehyun looked at Namjoon in surprise. Namjoon lowered his head and stood up. "Yeah, I knew. He's my cousin, but how could he not know what he's up to?"
“…I will give this to you, comrade.”
Taehyun handed Namjoon a booklet. The early summer cicadas sounded distant. The smell of gunpowder seemed to emanate from somewhere. Taehyun left the next morning. Namjoon didn't know. No, he knew.
“I heard the independence army base is not far from Yeseo.”
"My aunt said," Namjoon nodded. "Why did you do that yesterday?" "What's with your dark eyes?" Namjoon asked. His aunt hugged one leg and stared into the distance. Namjoon followed her gaze. "How nice it would have been if I had dark eyes. If only I had been a bitch who didn't know anything..." She sighed.
April 25, 1942
“Here you go! Everyone, please eat some of this!”
Hoseok shouted, waving a bag full of candy. Everyone lifted their heads from their papers and gathered around Hoseok. Taehyun picked up a piece of candy and put it in his mouth. “It’s sweet,” he said briefly. Hoseok smiled broadly. “Oh, candy, so it’s not sweet.” Taehyun smiled faintly. “Comrade Park, come and have some,” Taehyun said.
“I’ll eat a little later.”
Jimin said with a friendly smile. Just as everyone was enjoying the sudden sweetness, tall, muscular young men came in.
“I guess everyone was resting.”
Taehyung said, setting down a package the size of his body. No one asked what was inside. Because it was a time when warmth was prevalent, Taehyung had rolled up his shirt sleeves. Jimin glanced at Taehyung. Taehyung nodded.
“It seems like the other members are coming too-”
“On the way.”
Taehyung spoke sharply. "I'm on my way." As the older student's face hardened slightly, Jimin smiled brightly and said,
“I think you’re a bit of a reserved person, member Park Jimin.”
“Yes. They say they hang out with each other.”
“Really? It’s so bright right now.”
Jimin smiled instead of answering. "You're all relaxed, having had something sweet?" he asked. Just then, the door opened again, forcing Jimin to let go of his fountain pen. Yeonjun entered through the open door, followed by Soobin and Namjoon, each carrying a stack of books requested by the language society. Everyone rushed over and took them from Namjoon. "It must have been hard to get, so thank you very much. Don't ask me anything. Isn't this something every member of the Korean Youth Association should be doing?" Namjoon smiled. Soobin just watched. "You've worked hard, Comrade Soobin." The female members handed them water with smiles on their faces.
“Who is this!”
A cheerful voice came from the far end of the room. Hoseok ran over and hugged Soobin. Despite being much larger and more muscular than Hoseok, Soobin stumbled. "Hey, are you eating? Your parents should be worried at this age," Hoseok said. Soobin, stunned, barely managed a nod. Hoseok grabbed Soobin's hand and shook it vigorously.
“I don’t think he’s even announced his identity yet! I’m a clown named Jeong Ho-seok.”
“My name is Choi… Soobin….”
“Your name is so pretty. Are you a college student?”
Soobin looked at Namjoon, pleading for help. Namjoon chuckled and shook his head. "Have you eaten?" Hoseok asked.
“Yes… a while ago…….”
"Grammo, you must be full. I should take a walk around the neighborhood. As the Donguibogam says, after eating, walk a hundred steps!"
“I’m really okay…….”
“It’s okay. Come on! Let’s walk!”
Hoseok waved his arms vigorously. "Seon-sang, would you like to join us?" he asked, looking at Yeonjun. Behind him, Soobin looked at him with a fervent gaze, as if pleading for help. Yeonjun, finding that gaze both pitiful and amusing, smiled faintly and shook his head. "Tsk, that's too bad. Come on! Let's go!" Hoseok shouted. Soobin was dragged away by the wrist. The members of the Korean Language Society and the Korean Youth Association had to suppress their laughter as they watched.
“…Comrade Choi, are you okay?”
The fed asked, putting a cigar between his lips.
“…I’m enjoying it. Leave me alone.”
Namjoon shrugged, his expression suggesting, "I told you not to." Yeonjun, not bothering to hide it, smiled broadly and held a cigar in his hand, smoke billowing from it.
“How is it? Is it okay if it comes out like this?”
"yes…."
“The flowers are blooming beautifully over there. Would you like to go see them?”
"hmm……."
Subin hesitated for a moment, then nodded. April flowers… … . It was a theme often used by the poets he admired. What was it about April flowers that made them so poetic? He didn't know when he'd arrived, but Hoseok was already there, running under the cherry blossom trees lining the street.
“Isn’t it great? That’s why the Donguibogam tells us to walk.”
“…Yes, I guess so.”
“I’m sorry for suddenly dragging you out. But you’ve been so quiet… I wanted to get to know you….”
"ah…."
Soobin felt embarrassed for no reason. "Um... from now on... just talk to me comfortably." Then Hoseok's eyes sparkled. "Really?"
“Isn’t it soft?”
"yes."
“Are you going to talk to me regularly?”
"yes."
Hoseok smiled brightly. At that moment, a spring breeze blew. Cherry blossoms fell and landed on Soobin's head. "Here, on your head, a petal..." Hoseok said. He brushed the petals off Soobin's head and smiled broadly. He smiled broadly, like a wavy moon rising from the sky.
__1942, date unknown
“…I haven’t spoken a word since then…….”
The faint scent of zinnias wafted from somewhere.