Yeonjun unconsciously covered his ears at the sound of the pounding on the door. It had been three minutes already. He would have been ready to leave by now, but the people outside kept knocking. Yeonjun cautiously opened the door. There were about ten Gwangju citizens standing there. This was getting annoying. Yeonjun ran a hand through his hair.
"who are you?"
“Hey, is Choi Soo-bin here by any chance?”
Just as he was about to ask why he was looking for her, Subin approached from behind. He opened the door wider, assuring her that she could rest easy.
“What’s going on?”
“I heard the news that martial law troops have invaded…?”
Soobin nodded quietly. The terrified eyes of the Gwangju people trembled. Faced with danger, perhaps even death, humans could only be this fearful. Soobin turned to Yeonjun. Yeonjun's face was rigid. Soobin ignored him.
“…We will fight. Just like back then.”
Then, everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief. They seemed to be nervous inside. They all thanked her repeatedly, and some even shed tears. People offered them food, saying it was nothing special but a token of their gratitude for their efforts for Gwangju. A tall butcher held out a large chunk of meat, and the woman downstairs, who ran a vegetable shop, offered a handful of green onions, cabbage, and other vegetables. When Soobin tried to decline, they simply waved them off and smiled. People continued to thank her and walked leisurely. As the door closed, an unfamiliar silence fell. And Soobin realized that Yeonjun, who had been standing behind her, was gone.
Yeonjun crouched on the veranda. Beside him, an old fan whirred. Soobin sat down next to him. An awkward silence flowed between them for a moment. Yeonjun was the first to turn the fan off, seemingly annoyed. There seemed to be something about it that bothered him. Soobin stared at Yeonjun, bewildered.
“Are you crazy?”
"yes?"
“You still don’t know?”
The Fed asked.
“It’s dangerous, for both of us.”
"…ah…"
Yes, I forgot. Soobin isn't alone. If she participated in another protest, this time she would really be noticed by the martial law forces. That would put her roommate, Yeonjun, in danger, too. Soobin hung her head. She felt ashamed for being so selfish.
"sorry."
“……”
“……I’ll pack my bags.”
Then Yeonjun looked up at Soobin with an expression that said, ‘What is this?’
“What did you say?”
"I can't stop fighting. But if I fight, you'll be in danger. I'll leave here and find another way. I think that's the right thing to do."
"hey!"
Yeonjun screamed and threw the cassette tape he was holding onto the floor. Startled, Soobin crouched down and picked it up, inspecting it for any damage. A strange squeaking noise came from above. Soobin raised her head and looked up. Yeonjun, who had covered his face with his hands, visibly shook his shoulders.
“Do you think I’m doing this because I don’t want to fight?”
"I wonder if I, in this situation, wouldn't feel a shred of guilt or a sense of justice?" Yeonjun wiped his eyes and looked up at Soobin.
“Why don’t you think about other people?”
"If you die, don't you think about the others who will mourn, your family?" Soobin flinched at Yeonjun's trembling voice, still reeling from the afterglow of his emotions.
"Would I be on the side of the martial law army? Would I just sit there and watch with my face covered in iron? People are dying, and how could any human being remain indifferent to that? You can think of it as hypocrisy, but you fucking tell me to think about other people too…!"
Suddenly, Soobin missed her father. He was a taxi driver in Seoul. She missed his unkempt beard and his bright yellow suit, which didn't match. What would he do if he found out his son was risking so much to protest? For some reason, she felt despair. She couldn't help but ask herself, was this action truly good? Or was it just another act of hypocrisy disguised as good?
But the path he had to take was all too clear. Soobin was confident. Even if it was hypocrisy, there was nothing he could do. He had seen people die before his eyes, fainted, and vaguely heard gunshots and tanks firing. Having experienced everything, he had to fight. Soobin was willing to bear the weight of his experiences in Gwangju.