I love my grandmother, so much. She did the best she could to raise my sister and I after we lost both our parents. Her routine started before the sun streamed through our window panes, as she creaked over our old wooden floors to make us tea and breakfast. She devoted her days to my sister and I so much that it seemed her life was ours — and it was in everything we had. Her love was in the stitching of our dresses, it was the salt in our meals. You could find it in the melted wax left on our bedside tables as she watched over the candle she lit when the dark made it too scary for my sister to fall asleep. It was present in the calluses on her hands from patching up the ceiling above my bed when our roof started to leak. I didn't know how to live without her, so I was devastated when she finally had to go. Sometimes I feel like I can see her face in the shadows surrounding the old rocking chair by the fireplace she loved so dearly, weathered by age but still smiling kindly. I swear it's her voice I hear when I am finally alone as my sister sleeps upstairs. To me, her whispers mix with the crackling of the fire and I can hear her telling us her favorite story.
"But no matter how much he tried, he could never truly love her back in the way that she wanted. The moment she realized this, you could once again hear the distant twinkling of bells. Bright, shimmering tears dripped from her eyes against her will. How unsightly would it be, she thought, to see a world without her love. So she let her heart break one last time until she could no longer see the light of her star tears. Now, she would never have to see unrequited love stare back at her with empty eyes. She would never have to see anything at all."
"That's why you have to be careful, do not love so deeply. Once you start crying star tears, only being loved back will save you. Love is a fickle thing, my dears. You can cry and beg for it to no avail. If there is one thing I want you both to remember from your tired old grandmother, it is this." she'd say as she fell asleep with us at her feet. My last few thoughts until falling asleep revolved around those moments, time that I wished I could stop forever.